‘Want me to touch you?’ I asked, struggling to sit up.
‘Please,’ he murmured.
‘You better come here.’ I giggled, unable to move. I scooted over and then lay down beside him. He moved his hand away and gasped at my touch. ‘You sure this is all you want?’ I asked as our eyes locked.
‘It’s all I need, I’m so close,’ he said, leaning in to kiss me. I stroked him harder and faster and he gasped into my mouth. ‘Just like that,’ he said, pulling back to look at me. ‘You know exactly what I need.’
‘So do you,’ I said, still in wonder at how good that had been.
‘Oh, God, yes,’ Ethan cried out, his own release joining mine.
I moved my hand and he leaned in to kiss me hard on the lips. I felt him shudder against me like I had done and I finally knew what it was like to really let go with a man, realising that before now, I hadn’t ever done that. It had never been as good as that before.
This is scary.
I had brushed off Carly’s concerns on the phone but fear trickled through my veins. This had felt so intimate considering how little time I had known Ethan.
Are we moving too fast?
‘Are you okay?’ Ethan asked, noticing me go quiet.
I nodded. ‘Yes. A little bit overwhelmed maybe…’ I admitted, stuttering over the words.
‘I get that. I feel that too,’ Ethan said. He looked worried. ‘We said we’d go slow; was that too much?’
‘I wanted it badly,’ I said, but I felt as worried.
‘It was so good. It feels good with you.’
‘It does for me too,’ I agreed. ‘But it has only been two months since Joe and we have only been here a few days…’
‘I know.’ Ethan moved and I wanted to protest, but I sensed our moment of getting carried away was over. ‘It’s late. Shall we go to bed?’
‘Together?’ I asked hopefully.
‘Together,’ he agreed, holding out a hand to help me off the sofa.
Our last night in this one-bed bubble. I was half upset, half relieved. Because what happened on the sofa had been really intense. And although I wanted more, I was also worried about getting even more carried away next time.
21
Morning arrived too soon. I woke up in bed with Ethan breathing deeply beside me. We had fallen asleep quickly after last night’s activities. And in the cold light of the day, I was shocked at myself. I had let go with Ethan more than I had ever before. And looking at him now asleep, I felt so close to him. But then I remembered sleeping beside Joe for months. Could I ever trust my heart again?
I slipped out of bed, nervous in case Ethan woke up and we would need to discuss yesterday. I of course knew Ethan fancied me. There was no faking the chemistry between us. What we had done together had been hot. So hot. But I didn’t know if his feelings ran any deeper, or whether this had any chance once we left Paris. I didn’t want to make another mistake. It was best to put off any talk of what we were to each other. I couldn’t face being rejected again.
I used the bathroom and got ready for the day, checking I had packed everything ready to move to Juliette’s apartment.
When I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Ethan emerged from the bedroom, also dressed. We eyed each other.
‘Tea? Coffee?’ I asked.
‘I’ll make a coffee,’ Ethan said, walking over. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Fine, thanks. You?’
God, this is awkward.
‘I did too,’ Ethan said as he started to make coffee.