Page 22 of The Paris Chapter

‘I don’t have a type; if I connect with someone then that’s all I’m looking for.’

‘God, that’s a good answer.’

‘I guess Joe was your type though?’ Ethan asked quietly.

I suddenly wished I was sober for this discussion because Ethan seemed to be waiting for my answer and I didn’t want to get it wrong. There was something in the air tonight, wasn’t there? Maybe that connection Ethan was talking about. Even though that was a crazy thought. I couldn’t connect with my ex’s best mate. Besides, love was off the table for me. For good. ‘Yeah, I guess Joe was my type, or the type I’ve always thought I should be with…’

Ethan’s eyes slid away from me as he nodded. ‘He’s everyone’s type,’ he muttered.

I hated that Joe was good looking. That he had attracted me to him so much. ‘But what you said just then, about connection, I’m not sure we ever had it. I never felt like I could be myself with him.’

Ethan looked at me again. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. You should always be yourself, Tessa. Yourself is pretty great.’

‘You’re too nice to me,’ I said, pleased though.

‘You don’t deserve nice?’

The question hung in the air and I wasn’t sure what to say.

‘Maybe you should go to bed,’ Ethan said then.

‘I’m not tired,’ I replied truthfully. ‘I like talking to you.’

‘Yeah? I like talking to you too.’ Ethan was quiet for a moment and I thought maybe he did want me to go to bed when he suddenly leaned forward. ‘Will you tell me what happened between you and Joe? Just once. I don’t know if I heard the’ – he seemed to consider the words – ‘right story.’

It was interesting he had said ‘right’ and not the ‘full’ story. I wondered if he sensed Joe had told him something that wasn’t quite the truth. I didn’t know why Joe would lie to his friend but then again, he’d pretended to have paid for our trip to Paris so maybe it wasn’t only me who he liked to lie to.

‘How much do you know?’ I asked curiously.

‘Joe told me he had met someone and didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t say much more. When he brought you to that bar, I was surprised to see you. He confessed after that night he had seen you a few times. I couldn’t get much more out of him than that,’ Ethan replied.

I sighed as I realised Joe had lied to everyone. ‘It was more than he told you then,’ I said. ‘We met in Hyde Park and things moved quickly. He was so keen. I had to move out of my flat after just a few weeks of us seeing each other. Then he asked me to move in. So for pretty much the six months we were together, I lived at his flat.’

‘He didn’t tell me that,’ Ethan said quietly.

‘It makes sense now how he kept me away from people he knew and didn’t really want to hang around my friends either. He only met my best friend and her husband once. And you know I only met his friends twice, if you can even say we properly met. Joe said he preferred to have me to himself. But now I know, he just didn’t want to get caught out.’ I was angry how him trying to cover his tracks had made me feel bad about myself. ‘He made me feel like he was embarrassed to be seen with me…’ Itrailed off, the sting of his rejection still fresh. ‘Anyway, he had a couple of work events while we were together but he never asked me to go along, and then I heard him talking about his work Christmas party on the phone with a colleague, and it was clear his colleague was bringing his wife. So afterwards I asked him why he hadn’t invited me to go too. He said, “I thought about it but I know you hate parties; you’d just sit by yourself in the corner, and that would be so awkward for me.”’

Ethan sucked in a breath but didn’t say anything, so I continued. I looked away as I spoke, not wanting to meet Ethan’s eyes.

‘I felt awful. I thought Joe believed I was too quiet, too shy, that when we were out, I didn’t make enough of an effort with people and so he didn’t want me to come anywhere. I know I’m not a huge extrovert, that I don’t really love parties, I can be a bit shy when I first meet people. I really felt like it was all my fault so that night when he left to go to that work party without me, I thought I better do something to stop him leaving me.’

I sighed. ‘So I put on a dress and heels, which as you might have guessed from what I’ve worn here in Paris, I really hate doing, and I went to this fancy London hotel to find him and go to his bloody work do because I thought he wanted someone like that and I didn’t want him to break up with me.’ I shook my head, hating how I had been so desperate for his approval and affection, I tried to become someone different. ‘I walked in and I saw him, his arms around a woman there, chatting and laughing. I stopped and watched as he leaned in to whisper to her, then she wrapped herself around him and they kissed. I have never felt so stunned. I asked someone if they were together, and they looked surprised and said they had been a couple for years. Years! But not only that – Joe lived with Rachel at her flat. So all the travelling he’d said his work was making him do was a lie. He had been splitting his time between the two of us for the sixmonths we were together.’ I cringed at how easily I had believed everything he had told me while we were a couple. Never once suspecting he had another girlfriend. I opened my mouth to finish the story. ‘So I went over and threw a glass of wine over him and walked out of the party.’

11

‘You threw a glass of wine at Joe?’ Ethan repeated in shock.

I looked across at him and grimaced. ‘I’ve never done anything like that before in my life. I’m always the person who comes home and thinks about a conversation for a week, telling myself things I should have said or not said, and generally beating myself up about it.’

‘He deserved it,’ Ethan said.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ he replied decisively.

That made me feel better.

‘What happened between you then?’

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