Page 61 of Because of Me

Amira smiles then, looking up at me for the first time since she moved to this side of the table. Drying tears line her cheeks, while her eyes still glisten with unspilled tears.

“I’d like that.”

NOAH

Noah: Can I see you tonight? I miss you.

The message whooshes away and the sound creeps along my spine to settle on my shoulders. I want to recall it.

Amira said she needed space. But she also said she wanted us to be together. And boyfriends take their girlfriends on dates. Right?

Even with the logic in the forefront of my mind, I’m still wary. I don’t want to do anything that might freak her out. So, I kept my message vague asking no more than if she wanted to catch up. Even still, I fire off a second text just to make sure she knows she has the power.

Noah: No pressure. x

Nothing about my feelings for Amira have changed in the week since I’ve moved out. Every night I fall asleep without her in my arms is like another hole forming in my heart. But then, this whole moving out thing wasn’t for my benefit. I’ve spent the past week hoping that a little time apart was doing what we both had hoped. Creating a little longing so she can trust that what she is feeling has nothing to do with our proximity.

I start pacing around the dining room, counting laps as I wait for Amira to respond. Kitch winds through my legs with every step. She’s never been this affectionate, and I’m sure it’s because she got used to all the love Amira showed her. We both did.

My phonefinallyvibrates in my hand, and I freeze. It’s not like we haven’t spoken in a week, but this one feels different. I suppose it is. After months of fake dating, I’ve finally asked her on a real date. And I’m terrified she’ll say no.

Amira: What did you have in mind?

I don’t want to tell her, though. It’ll be better if it’s a surprise and I know she’ll love it.

Noah: Do you trust me?

Amira: Of course I do. Should I?

Noah: You should. I’ll pick you up before dinner.

She doesn’t reply, just gives a thumbs up and leaves me to freak out for the rest of the day. I potter around the house, unable to focus on anything other than tonight. Tidying rooms that are already clean, mindlessly scrolling on social media, and triple checking all the places I want to take her tonight.

The beach is crowded, but after collecting our hot chips and grilled flake, we find a bit of space to lay out the picnic blanket I bought on my way to pick up Amira. We’re not the only ones who thought to come here tonight, but it’s nice all the same. The sun sets over the ocean in a sky of pinks and oranges, reflecting a ladder of bright light across the deep teal of the bay. It’s a beautiful sight, but it has nothing on the woman next to me.

“I can’t believe I’ve never thought to do this,” Amira muses before popping another hot chip in her mouth.

I watch her intently as she closes her eyes and faces the sun. The wind whips her hair across her face and the lace hem of her denim dress flaps around her legs. Even after her father’s disapproval at the wedding—or maybe in spite of it—the lace tickles the tops of her thighs, and the straps barely cover her shoulders. She’s more than a vision, she’s a work of art

A peaceful look spreads across her face, then her nose scrunches up as the hint of a smile twitches in the corners of her mouth.

“Stop watching me.”

“I’m just admiring the view while I can.” I shuffle my body towards her, shielding my face from the sun. “Once the sky is a little darker, we have somewhere to be.”

Her heavenly demeanour shifts, and she bounces on the spot. “I thought this was the surprise.”

“Cupcake, for our first real date I’m doing more than a blissful evening and some natural beauty. This is only the beginning.”

Giving in, I reach out to tuck the long strands of her hair behind her ears. I let my fingers linger on her cheek, then down her neck, my touch feather-light. Testing. Waiting. Amira holds her breath for a beat, before leaning into my hand. Her eyes drift shut again, and she lets out a heavy, content sigh.

My gaze drops to her lips, and I wonder if she wants what I want. A week ago in the park, I thought the lines we drew were crystal clear. But in this moment, they blur more than I think they ever did.

I’m still mentally debating if I should kiss her when she opens her eyes. I get lost even more, falling into their deep brown tones like I could drown. Without thinking, I pull my lower lip between my teeth. Her eyes drop to my mouth to track the movement and maybe I’m crazy, but I swear she leans a little closer. I should just do it. Close the gap and show her what I’m thinking, what I want, what we could be. But that’s part of what scared her off before and I refuse to do that again.

“Can we go now?” she asks, oblivious to the debate going on inside my mind.

I’m jolted back to reality and look across the bay. The sun has dipped below the horizon, but the sky still holds a tinge of purple. By the time we get where we’re going though, it should be dark enough. I stand, then offer my hand out to help Amira up.

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