Page 21 of Because of Me

“It’s nothing, honestly.” I’ll keep the fact I’m being far from honest to myself though. “I have a … spare room …” I choke on the word, coughing a little.

“But you and Noah havejustmoved in together. I’d hate to have someone encroach on my space if I’d just moved in with my hot-as-fuck boyfriend.”

If there’s one thing I can agree on, it’s that Noah is hot-as-fuck. My lip must twitch, or my eyes glisten with the memory of Noah’s ass as he carried his suitcase up the stairs, because Ella pokes me in the ribs.

“Look at you all smitten and blushing. Ugh, young love. It’s fucking sickening.”

I straighten my face and take a chance to glare at her. “I’m older than you.”

“But yourloveis young. And that’s the point.”

Shaking my head, I pull the sun visor down even though we are driving away from the setting sun. Just to have something to do with my hands so I don’t try to strangle her across the car. That word is like a dull knife on a cheap plate.Love. It pierces through my eardrums and makes me wince.

I can barely look at Noah without wanting to grimace. Because okay his butt looks damn fine in a tight pair of chinos and his sun-tanned skin always looks so delectable against his dark work clothes. But every time I look at him all I can think about is how I’ve trapped him in my web of lies. And lately how I wish it wasn’talllies.

When I don’t respond to her playful jabs, Ella finally succumbs to the low tunes of the radio. She sits straighter, gazing out the window as we drive through the city towards the Eastern suburbs. I focus on the drive, counting exits and spotting yellow cars to keep my mind off what I’m about to return home to.

Noah’s car is reversed into the empty parking space next to mine. His sleek black SUV is a stark contrast to Cassidy’s bright and tiny hatchback, and it’s parked so meticulously it looks out of place in the dingy underground garage.

“I was so pissed you barely introduced me to Noah at Kaya’s wedding,” Ella huffs as she pulls one of her large suitcases from the back of my car.

“It is not my fault you found a groomsman and a dark corridor to hide from your mother. I was not going to go looking for you.” Besides, when I did catch her to introduce them, she spent the whole conversation joking about my sexuality and how my family had been placing bets. I’m willing to let it slide because if there was one person more drunk than me, it was Ella, but I’m not sorry she didn’t get to talk to Noah more than she did.

“He was a good groomsman too. Knew how to hike a woman’s dress up and play her like an instrument, if you know what I mean.”

The suitcase falls to the ground with a loudthwackthat echoes through the large space. I pull out the other, larger one—convenient for her—and hit the trigger to close the boot. Sucking in a large breath, I wheel the suitcase across the concrete flooring. In hindsight, I should have done what Noah did this morning and parked out the front. Reduced the number of stairs we’d have to lug these things up. It’s too late now though, but regret hits me as we enter the stairwell.

I could call Noah. I have no doubts he would sprint down the stairs and do all the heavy lifting for us. It’s what any caringboyfriendwould do. And maybe since we are trying to play the part …

Shaking my head, I groan as I drop the handle down and pull the suitcase onto the stairs. I don’t need a man’s help. Only, maybe I do. This shit is hard.

Behind me, Ella is grunting with each step.

“You never told me there was no elevator,” she groans. “I would have brought less stuff.”

I pause on the stairs, balancing the oversized luggage against my hip. “You would have bought just as much stuff and you know it.”

With a sigh, I turn around. Hurried footsteps echo through the stairwell as someone makes their way down the stairs towards us, and I haven’t even made it to the mini landing between levels when Noah rounds the corner. He wears the same dark chinos from earlier, but they looked ruffled and creased after the day’s wear. In his hands is an oversized rubbish bag.

“You know there’s a chute, right?”

“Yes, but you let the bin get so full it wouldn’t fit.” He glances between me, eyes a little wider than normal. “Or I did, we did. You know.” He tries to correct himself.

With a newfound burst of energy, Ella pushes past me and onto the landing. She drops her suitcase at Noah’s feet. “ThankGod,” she says with a deep sigh. “There was no way I was making it up any more stairs. I’ll take this down.”

She grabs the rubbish bag, turning to face me before Noah even has a second to register. “Hot as fuck,” she whispers as she bounds past me down the stairs. Something buried and green twists inside me.

“Door directly opposite the stairwell,” I call out after her. “And we’re apartment thirty-three. Level three.”

She waves over her shoulder as she steps back into the parking garage.

“She’ll catch up to us anyway,” Noah says. He drops the smaller suitcase and reaches out to take mine. “You go ahead this time.”

“You wanna check out my ass?” I give my hips a little wiggle. Behind me, Noah lets out the slightest laugh. More like a hasty exhale, but I’ll take it.

As we walk, the silence is only broken by my huffs and grunts. I thought carrying Kitch in her plastic carrier was hard, but Ella’s suitcases are something from my nightmares. Cardio and I do not mix. Neither do me and weight training. I am not okay, but I refuse to let Noah see. I hold all the tension and exhaustion in my face and chest, hoping he can’t tell from his position a few steps behind me.

Aside from the occasional check that I’m ‘still good’ he doesn’t seem to notice my struggle. Maybe he’s too busy checking me out to notice. Just like always, I can feel his gaze through my clothes, searing itself onto my skin. Today though, I don’t hate it.

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