Page 23 of Because of Me

“Sorry,” I whisper.

I turn away, cheeks burning. Ella is half asleep on the couch, watching something on her phone. Not watching us, at least not anymore. Before I can move away, Noah leans down over my shoulder to whisper in my ear.

“I’m not.”

And then the warmth of his body is gone from behind me. I catch a chill instantly, and before my body can gravitate back towards his, I step around the island benchtop and take a seat at the table. Without thinking, I default to my favourite red chair. Ella peels herself from the couch to join me, choosing the blue upholstered chair that was Cassidy’s favourite. I try not to think about how odd it is for someone else to be sitting there. Our mismatched chairs are my favourite thing about the whole apartment, but without Cassidy, they feel a little gaudy. Soon, Noah is placing bowls of creamy spaghetti and bacon in front of us. His chair has an industrial vibe, with a black steel frame and wooden base.

“Thank you,” I mumble, once everyone is seated, keeping my head dipped low. I’m fairly certain my cheeks are still a vibrant shade of pink.

“Thanks Noah,” Ella chimes, batting her eyelashes. She’s not flirting, just flirty. At least that’s what I reason with myself. She’s always been outgoing and friendly, despite her apathy earlier. Now she seems closer to her usual self, I’m feeling a little more enthusiastic about her being here.

As long as she keeps her fluttering eyes off Noah. A sickly swirl of emotions still curdles when I think of Noah being with anyone else, or anyone else even daring to think about Noah in that way. My eyes are once again drawn to the ring on his finger, and I’m trying to list all the reasons he might wear it. I’m stuck on it being from another woman though, and spend the meal trying to process what that means for our arrangement.

“So, how did you two meet?” Ella asks after we’ve finished our food. She scoops all three empty bowls from the table and starts washing up.

Noah twists in his seat to face her, leaning over the back of his chair. I do my best to ignore how the position stretches his simple henley across his back, or the veins that bulge from his forearms. I try, mostly in vain, to remind myself I’m only feeling this weird mix of lust and attraction because I’m acting. Method acting, apparently.

“Amira’s old roommate is my cousin,” Noah responds without missing a beat. I was too focused on his stupid back muscles to remember that Ella had asked a question.

“You must have known each other for a while then?”

“Kind of, I’ve had a crush on her since I helped Cassidy move in, but I was living in Sydney then. We’ve only been together for a few months.”

I smile from my seat at the table, nodding along to the story. I should pipe up, offer my own insight to this tale of how we became a couple, but if I do I’m bound to shove my whole foot in my mouth by mistake. Noah’s doing just fine at fielding the questions.

“Cute,” Ella chimes. With the dishwasher loaded, she moves towards the hall. “I’m wrecked,” she adds with a yawn. “What’s the Wi-Fi password? I’m going to put Netflix on and get all my stuff unpacked, then call it a night.”

Noah turns to look at me, one eyebrow slightly higher than the other.

“All too Wi-Fi ten TV, capitalise each word and use numerals for ten.”

“Got it, thank you!”

Once Ella has left the room, an exaggerated yawn forces its way out of me. I stretch my arms above my head, squeezing my eyes shut as they begin to water from the strain.

“We should figure out how this is going to work.” Noah speaks softly once I’ve wiped my eyes. “Like, rules or something. I don’t want to keep acting like you’re my girlfriend if it’s going to make you uncomfortable. You need to tell me where the line is.”

The craziest thing is that I don’twantthere to be a line. I enjoyed our kiss in the kitchen, and I want more any chance I can get.

“I’m sorry if that was too much, earlier,” Noah adds.

“It wasn’t.”

Kitch creeps out from under the couch, circling our legs before pawing at my ankle. I scoop her onto my lap, taking comfort in her purring under my scratches. Noah frowns, but I can’t tell if it’s because of what I said, or because his cat clearly likes me more than him.

“I mean,” I continue, looking down at the cat because Noah’s gaze is too much right now. “I think when Ella is around it’s okay. Just act how you would if we were really in a relationship, and I’ll try to do the same.”

Noah hums his agreement, but the sound seems forced. “How will I know if it’s too much?”

“I’ll let you know.”

My cheeks begin to heat, because the truth is I don’t think any physical contact with Noah would be too much and knowing it’s all for show has me all flustered. I stand, moving to drop Kitch onto the couch before heading towards the hall. Knowing he’ll see the blush if I turn, I keep my back to Noah.

“I’m going to bed. I have to be up early to bake for the shop.”

Noah’s chair scrapes against the floor, he mumbles before his footsteps start to move towards me. “Well, um, me too. I have an early shift at the winery.”

Andfuck, because I was really hoping to be fast asleep before he called it a night, so I wouldn’t notice him climbing into bed next to me.

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