Page 16 of Because of Me

Another truth. Noah said no more than a few words to me for months after he moved down from Sydney. ‘Hello’ here and ‘gosh these are delicious’ there. I always thought it was because he couldn’t stand me, even though I’d done nothing to make him feel that way. It bugged me more than I care to admit. The niceties pestered me to no end, so much so I started with the playful jabs that have become our signature communication style.

Things seem … different … now though. Like maybe being forced to spend time together was exactly what we needed to form a friendship of our own.

I do my best to ignore the way that word stings against the inside of my temples. Friendship. Ugh. I don’t want this. Relationships and I don’t mix, but pretending to be in one with Noah has all the lines crossing inside my head.

“Ahh Cassidy,” my mother chimes as the kettle begins to whistle. With a rag over the handle, she pours hot water into the double-layered teapot, letting it steep a minute before pouring the hot drinks into two tulip-shaped glasses. “She’s moving out soon, yes?”

My face drops. Taking my steaming cup of tea, I cradle it in my hands. The heat seeps through the glass and over my fingers. The sliver of confidence I had left in this conversation begins to dissipate. “Yeah,” I mumble before taking a sip of the spiced tea.

It burns my tongue and scorches my throat, but I savour the familiar blend of flavours. I focus on pinpointing each one, trying to prepare myself for the inevitable catch to my mother’s question.

It’ll be the same concern laden with control she smothered me with when I first moved into the apartment. Overbearing worries about how a young woman shouldn’t be living on her own ‘in the city’ and persistent requests to find me a nice young man to live with. Only, they never really meant a ‘nice young man’. They meant a preapproved husband.

The hounding settled only slightly when my roommate before Cassidy moved in, only to reappear like a lion in the grass when she moved out again. It’s no surprise they’re ready and waiting to begin the tirade again. Unless I succumb to the pressure and get married, I doubt the cycle will ever end.

Which is why I’m not surprised at her follow-up statement.

“I don’t like the thought of you alone, Amira. What if something happens?”

“Nothing will happen.” I roll my eyes at her, but she steps forward and reaches her arm across the counter to place a hand on my arm.

“Well, no. Because I have the perfect plan.”

I pause, taking a slow sip of my drink. It’s cooled down just enough to not burn every inch of my mouth. “If your plan involves trying to set—”

“No, no. YourBabamight not like the fact you’re with someone he didn’t choose for you, but I at least respect you enough not to try anything while you’re still seeing him. Your cousin, Ella, wants to move from Adelaide, and since you’ll be on your own, I told her mother she could stay with you.” She steps back and stands tall, puffing her chest out with pride. Even as she takes a sip of her own tea, her overconfident grin is prominent on her face.

I’m caught off guard by her plan. I was ready to go to battle in Noah’s defence, to stand my ground against my right to be alone. The mental checklists of comebacks I’d been preparing vanishes, because none of them are relevant here. There are worse things than having Ella as a roommate for a while, but that doesn’t mean I want her to move in.

We got along well enough at the wedding, and okay, she is family, but … I don’t know. Maybe as sad as I am about Cassidy moving out, I’m also kind of looking forward to having the space to myself for a bit. With the reduced rent I can comfortably get by, and if I’m up late baking or leave the mixer out when I’m finished or want to watch trashy reality TV all night, it won’t matter. Having my own space will be freeing.Wouldbe freeing.

Cradling my glass mug between my hands, I’m know I need to respond. I need to come up with a quick retort to my mother’s grand plan. Because I want all that space to myself. And I’m a grown woman. She has no right to offer up my space to other people.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to gain a little clarity. And it works, almost.

“I won’t have space.” The words spill out quickly as I try to make up for the seconds I spent thinking.

“Don’t be silly, you had space for Cassidy. You have a whole empty room now.”

Fuck.She’s right. Of course I technically have space. The only way I wouldn’t is if someone else was already lined up to take Cassidy’s room. And so, I blurt out the first name that comes to mind. The name that feels sealed across my lips even though it has no right to be there.

“No, I won’t. Noah is moving in.”

As soon as I say it, I know how ridiculous it seems. I blurted out to my father that I love Noah the other day, and I’ve just told my mother how happy we are together. And now he’s apparently moving in … to the spare room.Shit.

“Oh.” Her mouth presses into a firm line and shakes her head. “But you’re not … well.”

I’m ready for her to blow. To snap with anger. I wouldn’t be surprised if she slapped me across the cheek. It’s one thing to date someone my parents don’t agree with and hardly know. It’s another altogether to be apparently moving in with him.Before marriage!There’s no doubt in my mind that’s what my mother was about to comment on. MyNenewould be turning in her grave.

With her eyes closed, my mother tilts her head to the ceiling and sucks in a deep breath.

“Your father will not be happy.”

“Respectfully, I’m thirty. It’s not really his choice.” I snap my mouth shut, a little shocked at myself, and a little proud too. It’s not often I have the courage to stand up for myself, and I doubt I’d be doing it if my father was here, but hey, little steps.

She pauses for a moment, processing the conversation and how it no doubt went far off the track she had planned.

“Even so, I disagree with your choices. But I assume you will still have a spare room? I promised Ella, and she is family. We make space for family.”

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