Page 73 of Because of Her

Cassidy covers her face with her hands, pushing my own away as her palms press into her eyes.

“There is a reason I can’t have a baby. And it’s not my mother like I always imagined. It’s me. You talk about the universe bringing us back together for a reason, but maybe the universe made me infertile for one, too. Maybe I’m not supposed to be a mum.”

There’s no air in my lungs as I realise what she is saying. I knew my daughter was holding Cassidy back. But I had believed I could convince her we were worth it.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispers through her hands.

The confession sucks the air out of my lungs. All this time I held on to hope we could be something more than we are. That Cassidy could love me, and Maisie, enough to want to try.

“Maisie doesn’t need a mum. And I just need you.”

I knew she thought we would never work. I knew she didn’t want kids, no matter how great she is with Maisie. But I also knew she felt things for me that friends don’t feel about each other. I took that sliver of hope and I ran with it, and I hoped she would see how great we could be.

Until now. Cassidy shies away and the hope drains away until it hurts to breathe through the hole that’s left behind.

“I still hoped,” I admit.

Her hands pull away from her face and drop into her lap. She nods softly before changing her mind and shaking her head.

Her voice trembles as she rubs her thumbs together. “I still hoped, too. But I can’t anymore.”

“Because of her,” I add. Not because I believe it, but because I understand.

Silence falls between us, broken only by my heavy sighs and Cassidy’s quiet hiccup-like sobs.

“I should go,” she announces, standing up.

“Rogue, no. Please.”

I have nothing to say. No idea what, if anything, would make the situation better. This feels like an ending I’m not ready to accept. I won’t accept it. But for now, dread cements me in place.

All I can do is beg, and slouch back into the couch as she ignores my pleas and walks out of my apartment, still wrapped in her blanket.

When my apartment is empty, I give the stabbing pain in my chest free rein. I feel every racing beat of my heart, every throbbing in my temple. The panic rushes over me, and I have no one to pull me out.

CALLUM

“What the fuck did you do?”

His voice cuts through the dark, inky mess of my mind. Storming into my space, he finds me curled into a ball on the floor of my living room. I’ve shuffled my way between the couch and the wall, squeezing myself into the tiniest gap I could find. The plant my sister bought to brighten up the space leans against the wall, spilling soil onto the carpet rug.

I sniff as the room comes back into view, wiping away the wetness under my eyes. I should be more concerned that a random man has waltzed his way into my apartment. But nothing matters any more.

“She crawled into her room, Callum.Crawled.And not in some overdramatic exaggerated way. Amira said she crumbled onto the floor and literally couldn’t get up. I will kill you.”

The man hits an invisible wall when he enters the living room, finding me in my tiny little corner. I recognise his tan skin and golden hair, but the pained look on his face is nothing like the amusement that coated it the last time we met.

“Shit not you, too.”

Dropping to his knees in front of me, Cassidy’s cousin hovers his hands over my knees.

My head falls back into my arms.

One, two, three, four. I try to count out each breath to steady the erratic rhythm rushing through my body.

“Cass does this weird tapping thing on her chest, maybe you could do a weird tappingthing?”

I blow out all the air in my lungs, suppressing the chuckle that fights to escape. I taught Cassidy the tapping thing, all those years ago. I hate that she has to use it now.

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