Page 62 of Because of Her

“We need to go to the hospital.”

CALLUM

“Fuck!”

Cassidy hits the brake as the light turns orange. After she fished my keys out of my pocket, I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Maisie in the back on her own. I’m squished next to her car seat while we race towards the nearest children’s hospital.

Maisie’s face is dry and salty. The tears have finally stopped flowing, but this is worse. Her tiny whimpers shudder through her whole body, and she clings Pavlova under her chin. Getting her seatbelt on was rough, getting it off will probably be even harder.

The break in her right collarbone sticks out, and I feel pain in my own shoulder just looking at the red, swollen lump. My coffee breakfast churns in my stomach and my chest feels tight. Cassidy curses from the front as another traffic light ahead turns red before we can get through.

I should call Audrey, but I don’t want to take attention away from my daughter. My hands rest in her lap, and I lean across to kiss her cheeks.

“You’re so brave,” I whisper.

“I want Mummy.”

My heart breaks. I want to be enough for her, but Audrey was always better at the comforting side of parenting. Keeping one hand in Maisie’s lap, I push my hips up to pull my phone out of my pocket.

Audrey answers after half a ring, panic already in her voice.

“What happened?”

“Maisie is fine,” I start, taking a deep breath as I glance at her tear-stained cheeks. “But we are taking her to hospital. I’m pretty sure she broke her collarbone.”

Audrey drops the phone, and I can hear her scrambling to get everything she needs.

“What hospital?” she asks when she picks the phone back up.

She hangs up as soon as I’ve given her the details, and Cassidy pulls into the loading bay at the Emergency Room. Climbing out of the car, I unbuckle Maisie’s harness and pull her into my arms, careful not to move her arm too much. Cassidy loops the backpack onto my hand. It bumps against my knee as I walk inside, but I’m too concerned about my daughter to care.

The smell of bleach burns my nostrils as I walk through the entrance way and into the ER. Nurses rush back and forth behind the desk. A short line of patients wait to be triaged, and almost all the chairs are taken. Someone is lying on the floor in the corner, coughing violently. Another person sways dangerously in the line ahead of me.

I sing quietly into Maisie’s ear, trying my best to calm both our racing hearts. It does nothing to ease the deep pit in my gut or stop the twitch in my fingers.

After an eternity, we reach the front of the line. The triage nurse is kind, but blunt, as she assesses the urgency of our visit. When she sees the clear break in Maisie’s shoulder, her attitude changes. Suddenly endearing, she hands me a form to fill out and fetches an icepack.

Squishing myself between a man holding a towel over his arm, and a lady with a very swollen ankle, I fill out the form. Maisie wriggles in my lap, a small gasp escaping her lips. Her eyes are puffy and closed, her breathing slow, and I wonder if she is sleeping. I turn my head back and forth, adjustingMaisie in my lap. Holding tight with one hand and a forearm, I move to stand and return the form to the nurse.

“I’ll take it.”

Her voice cuts through the silent chatter like birdsong, and I look up to see Cassidy zig zagging her way around chairs towards us. I hadn’t stopped to wonder if she would come in after parking the car. I didn’t think to care. But now she is here, it feels odd. Maisie doesn’t need Cassidy, she needs her mum. And we clearly established whatever happens, Cassidy doesn’t need to be that person. After the divorce, I never thought I’d feel this way again, but I hope Audrey arrives soon.

Cassidy grabs the form in my hand, taking it over to the nurse before returning to stand in front of us. Squatting down, she lays a hand on Maisie’s knee, rubbing small circles with her thumb.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, although I’m not too sure what she is sorry about. None of this is her fault. It’s all mine.

I got caught up in the imaginary scenario in my head, the one where we were a family. I was too distracted by the comfort of Cassidy leaning against me. Too focused on the couple ahead of us, and how much I want with Cassidy what they seemed to have. My thoughts were too removed from my daughter on the playground. I should have been watching her, and instead I was inside a happy family fantasy in my head.

I stroke Maisie’s hair, making a silent promise to never let myself lose focus on her again.

I look up at Cassidy. Her long hair is windswept and knotted, and her eyes are red and glassy. “You don’t have to stay.”

“I want to,” she responds. “At least until Audrey gets here.”

As though Cassidy’s words summoned her, Audrey bursts into the ER with a backpack flying behind her. Shepauses to dart her eyes across the room, rushing over when she sees us.

Cassidy stands and takes a half step back, but Audrey pushes in front of her to crouch by Maisie.

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