Page 35 of Because of Her

Cassidy freezes, wine keeps pouring into the glass she placed in front of me. When it gets dangerously close to thetop of the glass, I reach out to touch her arm, encouraging her to lift the bottle upright.

I let out a whoosh of air before taking the wine from her. I bring my head down to take a sip so it doesn’t spill over the edge as I place it on the table.

“The last time you climbed onto my lap,” I whisper, leaning toward her to speak into her ear. “It nearly killed me. I was an anxious wreck for days and I hated how I’d taken the slightest of interruptions as an excuse to stop. I was so scared I was going to lose you.”

The tropical scent of her hair blends with the strong fruity smell of the wine. I want to wrap it around my hands and bury my face in her neck, but I hold back.

She lets out a small, almost silent laugh.

“Exactly,” I continue. “It wasn’t your fault, but I did. I lost you.”

I pause, leaning away from Cassidy to look her in the face. My hands are on her shoulders and our eyes lock. The moment is too intimate for this talk about why we shouldn’t have kissed.

It feels like instead of convincing her we should never done it, I’m convincing myself to do it again.

My cheek puffs with air and I roll my shoulders back as I gather my thoughts.

“I can’t shake this feeling that the universe threw us back together for a reason.” I tell her what I’ve been struggling to admit to myself. “But everything is so messy and I don’t want to lose you again.”

She leans her head to the side to brush her cheek against the back of my hand. Looking up at me through her lashes, she whispers, “Neither do I.”

The intercom buzzes through the apartment, breaking the spell and causing us to jolt apart.

“Pizza!” Cassidy announces as she jogs down the hall.She pushes the button to let Gregory know she is on her way down.

While I wait for her to return with dinner, I attempt to reorder my thoughts. We were supposed to be talking about why we shouldn’t be hooking up, so why did it feel like we were about to hook up again?

I sit on the couch, but when she shuffles back into the apartment with two large pizza boxes I change my mind. Jumping up to get plates from the kitchen, I rush to set the table before she can put the boxes down. Playing house, making myself feel useful, but all the while wondering how to start the conversation we need to have.

Conversation stalls while we eat, the air still holding a dry electric quality I can’t seem to escape.

It’s not until Cassidy is placing our used plates in the sink that she breaks the silence floating between us.

“So you have a daughter.”

Maisie. The reason I came over tonight in the first place.

“I do. I should have told you about Maisie. And her mum. I’m sorry you found out that way.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She walks over to the couch and curls herself up in the blanket again.

I choose to be honest. “I was scared.”

Walking to the couch, I sit down beside her. We aren’t touching, but the closeness offers a comfort I don’t feel.

“Everything changed when I had her. My career, my relationship with her mother, my life, my friendships. It was nice for a while to have an inch of my old life back.”

“That makes sense.”

Her body shifts until her head rests across my chest. Taking the clip out of her hair, I brush through the lengths with my fingers, listening to the steady sounds of her breathing against me. My heart beats so furiously I’m sure she can feelit. We’re dangerously close to the same cuddled up position that led to us kissing.

I stretch my fingers around the back of her neck, tilting her face up towards mine. Moisture pools through her lashes.

“It shouldn’t change anything, but I’m sorry it came as such a shock.”

Cassidy pulls herself away from me to sink back into the couch. Her eyes are closed as she tucks herself into a ball. “You’re right. It shouldn’t change anything.”

She looks tired, deflated, so I stand to leave.

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