Page 33 of Because of Her

A beat passes before Amira adds, “But not as fucked as me.”

“What do you mean?”

Her shoulders droop as she squeezes my waist a little tighter before answering.

“I have to go have dinner with my parents.”

I pull back to look at her.

“Yeah, you’re fucked.” I laugh.

CALLUM

Gravel crunches under the weight of the car as I pull into the driveway. Audrey’s house, my old home, is the last place I want to be.

Maisie yawns from the backseat, her hair still wet from the shower after her swimming class, twisted into a bun so it doesn’t drip onto her pyjamas.

“Sorry, Daddy.”

Scooping her out of her car seat, I pull her pyjamas tight around her and carry her up to the house.

“Don’t be. I know you can’t sleep without Pavlova.”

Of course, the bloody ballerina doll is the crux of this whole custody agreement. I thought we had covered all the bases after we went shopping last weekend, but no number of new toys can make up for missing her favourite. I don’t blame her. We noticed it was missing when we first got to swimming, and rather than attempt the night without her comfort toy, I called Audrey.

It hurt, but it was necessary.

My ex-wife appears on the doorstep, her own sweater pulled tight around her middle in protection from the cool autumn breeze.

“Her dinner is on the table.”

She was surprisingly understanding when I told her we would need to stop past. She didn’t place blame or get upset I was depending on her, she just agreed to do what our daughter needed. Maybe she realised it was her that never packed the special toy in the first place. But I choose not to bring it up,opting for peace instead. Sitting down at the table together, it’s comforting knowing despite it all, we can get along when we need to.

Maisie tucks into the small meal of sausages and vegetables Audrey whipped up. Too exhausted to put up a fight, she doesn’t complain about the carrot, or demand more tomato sauce. I forgot how much swimming takes it out of her. By the time her plate has cleared, her eyes droop and her head wobbles to the side.

“Daddy,” her voice is a tiny whisper, “can I go to bed here?”

The words hit my windpipe. It was supposed to be the first night of our first week together, but everything has gone wrong. Looking to Audrey for guidance, my lungs burn.

“I could bring her back tomorrow? I’ll remember to pack Pavlova this time.”

It’s not an ideal plan, but it could work.

“Does that sound okay, Maisie?”

Her head has fallen into her arms, and she looks ready to fall asleep right here at the kitchen table. Through a yawn, she nods, looking up at me.

“Can you read my story before you go?”

The air in the hallway is wrong. I can feel it as soon as I step out of the stairwell. My feet drag, heavy with the disappointing end to the day. The silence is too loud, it’s five degrees too cool, and it feels thick, suffocating and sticky. Whatever is causing the anomaly guides my legs towards Cassidy’s apartment, until I find myself standing in front of it, unsure if I should knock.

I messed up. For weeks I’ve known I need to tell herabout Maisie. Before I started carving something between us. But I didn’t, and now it’s too late. I should have been honest with her.

An immense sadness hit Cassidy when she saw Maisie. The golden flecks faded away, replaced by a dull shine. I had been afraid that when Cassidy found out about Maisie, it would change the dynamic of our friendship, but I didn’t expect the secret to hurt her. My head pounds, knowing it clearly did. Beneath the sadness in her eyes, there was a deep trench of betrayal that wove through her body. As though everything about us changed in an instant.

For so long, for too long, I was trying to keep these two aspects of my life separate. I wasn’t ready, but it’s too late for that now.

I hold my breath as I tap my knuckles against the doorframe, flexing my other hand at my side. My mind races through sentence after sentence as I work out what I’m going to say, hopeful Cassidy will at least answer.

---