Page 27 of Because of Her

“What if it all goes to shit?” I ask, pressing my thumbs into my temples to alleviate some of the pressure. “What if Maisie doesn’t like Cass? Or Cass doesn’t like Maisie? What if Audrey cracks the shits and stops me from seeing Maisie because of it? What if I lose everyone all over again?”

My knees start shaking and I feel my pulse quicken. Spots appear in my peripheral vision, and the sound of the girls laughing and other customers chatting fades into the background.

“Knuckles.”

Her voice is from a distant, far-off land, but I recognise the signal. Tapping my knuckle against my sternum, I focus on the steady rhythm and count my breaths. Four in, four hold, four out. When the panic settles, I look up at my sister. My eyes feel glassy and my fingers are still tingling, but my pulse has settled. At some stage, Isobel must have switched my coffee for a glass of water. I take a small sip, focusing on the cool sensation as I swallow the liquid.

“You really need to talk to Cassidy.”

CALLUM

My feet pound against the footpath as I suck in as much air as my lungs will allow. It’s been months, possibly years, since I’ve had time to go for a run, and my body is reminding me. I might have spent plenty of time in the old home gym I used to have, but getting out for a run was near impossible with Maisie around. Lifting a few weights might have allowed me to maintain a physique I’m proud enough of, but it certainly did nothing for my cardio fitness.

The sun is low in the sky, rising late thanks to the transition towards winter. Long shadows stretch out from the trees lining the road. The air carries an unexpected warmth, and despite the smell of rain in the air, the sky is clear. Above me, a regatta of hot air balloons drifts peacefully across the sky. They add a pop of colour to the powder blue sky.

Rounding the corner to return to the apartment, my legs slow their assault. A sharp pain stretches under my ribcage, my body’s final protest against my new morning routine.

After my recent panic attacks, and the realisation my anxiety was forcing its way back to the surface, I decided I need to get on top of things. Staying active was one of the first things my old therapist told me would help, so it’s the first thing I’m trying.

I’ve been tied down by the inky blackness of anxiety before, and I let it ruin plenty of good things in my life. I refuse to let that happen again. Although I know it might not be quite so easy, I’m crossing everything that thistime, I’ve seen the signs and can take the right steps before the darkness takes hold.

I have Maisie now, and she is worth fighting for. Knowing this afternoon will be the start of us spending more time together, a weight has lifted from my shoulders. I won’t let it settle back down.

I double over, gasping air into my lungs as the apartment building comes into view. My pulse pounds through my limbs, although I can’t be sure if it’s due to the run, or the woman standing outside the lobby. She’s worth fighting for, too. Anxiety ruined any chance I had of being with her once, and our friendship ceremoniously died along with my pride. She might be a distraction I can’t afford, but I know how much it hurt her when I pushed her away all those years ago. I won’t let that happen again. Until I figure out how to be honest with her about Maisie, I can’t be the romantic partner she deserves, but I can be a friend. And I’ll do anything to make sure she knows that. No matter how much I might want more.

Cassidy’s hands are on her head as she leans against the brick wall. It’s not until I’ve closed the gap between the street corner and the building that I see the twisted look on her face.

A fine crease sits between her brows and her lips form a thin straight line across her face. Her hands aren’t just on her head but are pulling at her hair. Even so, I’m in awe of her beauty. The morning sun reflects off the chocolate brown of her hair and leaves her skin glowing. Her black jeans hug her hips, reminding me of how they felt under my hands.

When I notice what she is staring at in disbelief, I force the memory of our kiss out of my head. Outside the building sits a full, wrapped pallet of boxes.

“Did you order 100 instead of 10?” I jest, leaning against the wall beside her.

She releases her hair and drags her hands down her face. Pushing herself off the wall, she steps towards the pallet. Herhands press on the top boxes, testing their stability before she pushes up to sit atop the pile.

“It’s for my store,” she says. Her legs dangle below her, and I fight the urge to slip myself between her thighs. Hadn’t I just decided to be her friend? I can’t keep up with my rotating emotions. Every time I see her, I want her more and more, despite the baggage I’m carrying.

“But it’s here?” My hand scratches at my beard. The delivery label on the pallet clearly lists the apartment building as the address. “Did you give them the wrong address?”

Cassidy kicks me. “No. I triple checked the order before the driver left a whole damnpalleton the footpath. They sent it to the billing address, but the driver couldn’t take it back because according to all his paperwork he was at the right place.”

Jumping down from her misplaced throne, she paces back and forth. Her arms wave about as she huffs and puffs.

“Did you try call—”

Storming towards me, she cuts me off.

“Yes, I tried calling the company, but they are in Perth and they aren’t open yet.” She yells the words in my face. I can handle a little raised voice if it means she can blow off some of the steam. “So now I have to figure out how to get a pallet worth of boxes to the shop. The van is getting a service, and it’ll take three trips in my car.”

“The Gnome?” I ask, using her car’s old nickname.

Memories of her tiny two-door hatchback resurface. She was so proud of how much money she saved and how she could afford a brand new car when she turned eighteen. It didn’t matter that it was the smallest car on the market, she loved it all the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if she still had it.

Her giggle breaks through her tension, the melodic sound doing something unnatural to my insides.

“No, he went into retirement years ago. But my new carisn’t much bigger.” Her shoulders droop as she turns to look back at her stock. “What am I going to do?”

My watch vibrates with an alarm, reminding me I’m supposed to be getting ready to head into the office today. Although I can work remotely, the nature of my role means I’m often booked with meetings. Today is no exception.

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