Page 24 of Because of Her

“Don’t be, I should have known what I was getting myself into when I let my parents set me up. It’ll work out.” She reaches out for my other hand, grabby fingers pulling at my sweater until I adjust how I’m sitting. She presses her thumb between my fingers, massaging at the pressure points to relieve some of the tension still caught in my body.

“Or it won’t, and I’ll swear off men again. I’m okay.” Leaning her head back with a sigh, she drops my hand in her lap.

We sit, each musing about our own miserable dating lives, until the lump in my throat threatens to resurface. I sit upto pour us both a glass of my room temperature Rosé. I push back into the couch, prompting her to sit up and take the wine.

“Ugh,” she sputters after taking a swig. “What happened to you that was bad enough forroom temperaturewine?”

“In my defence, I didn’t check the bottle before opening and assumed it was a red.” I laugh.

“Just as bad, honestly.”

“To you maybe.” In the few years we have lived together, I’d yet to convince her to build up her taste for a good red wine.

She pinches the soft skin between my thumb and forefinger firmly until I yelp and pull away.

“What was that for?”

“For trying to change the subject. Tell me what happened with Callum.”

I place my glass back on the table and lean my head back onto the couch. Letting out a long breath, I go limp and slide down to a slouch.

I tell her all about how I found Callum in the hall mid panic attack, and how that’s why I’d had to cancel our afternoon coffee plans. I tell her about how Callum and I spent a comfortable evening as friends once he had calmed down. When I get to the kiss, Amira jolts upright, hands over her mouth as she gasps in shock.

She squeals in excitement before catching my eye. Realising there is more to the story, she places her hands politely on her knees.

“Sorry, go on.”

“It was dumb, I was dumb,” I whine. “I’m so embarrassed.”

When I tell her how Callum practically threw me off his lap when I straddled him, Amira’s hands jump back up to cover her mouth.

“He didnot,” she says in shock.

“He did,” I reply. “And now all I can think about is the last time I did something as stupid as make a move on him.”

“You were basically kids then.” Amira speaks softly as she moves closer to me. Pulling me into one of her trademark comfort hugs, she rubs the back of my head.

“What happened then isn’t necessarily going to repeat itself,” she adds.

I nod with a sob, hating that I’ve let myself get this worked up over the man. Again.

“Maybe I should go back to the whole ‘swearing off men’ thing,” I say before downing the rest of my wine. I reach forward to fill up the glass.

“Yeah, me, too.”

Amira grabs her own glass. When she takes a sip, her face scrunches up and she jerks her shoulders in disgust. She forces a gulp as she swallows the drink.

“Nup, still gross.”

“Still don’t care.” I laugh as I take the glass off her. I finish her leftovers and slouch back into the pillows.

Amira has long gone to bed by the time I do.

The Rosé bottle sits empty on the coffee table, the wine churning in my gut in a way I know is a bad sign for tomorrow morning. I’m still angry, still embarrassed, still worried about my friendship with Callum and if we ruined it tonight. There was no coming back from the first time we kissed, and although we are adults now, I don’t see any way it’s going to be different this time around.

I can’t explain why I feel so deeply about Callum’s rejection. There could be a million reasons why he broke the kiss and stopped us from taking anything further. And I have no idea what any of them are. I didn’t think I felt so strongly about him, but I do know the knife of embarrassment has been forced even deeper this time around.

I can’t keep him on an imaginary pedestal any longer.We used to be friends, and I had a silly crush. Our lives grew apart, and that’s just a part of growing up.

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