Page 10 of Because of Her

She groans but reaches across the table to take a piece of the pizza. “The smell got intoeverything, I swear it was imbedded into my uniform. I thought I wouldn’t be able to eat garlic ever again.”

“That clearly didn’t last,” Amira jests, but I barely register her words.

My eyes meet Cassidy’s over the table, and she smiles back at me before looking down at her food. The shared memory is a gentle reminder of how close we used to be. She makes quick work of pulling her hair into a messy bun low on her neck, before shrugging off her puffer jacket. A small piece of lightened hair falls over her face. I fight a strange urge to reach out and gently tuck it behind her ear. It would be inappropriate on a huge number of levels, but I can’t escape the intimate feeling between us.

I’m starved after a long day of heavy labour, and as soon as the food starts to settle, I feel my eyelids droop. The effort of lugging my belongings up three flights of stairs has hit me hard. Amira yawns beside me.

“What are you tired for?” I can’t help but question. “Not like you uprooted your entire life today.”

It comes out snappy and sour, but I can’t help it. My social filter is wavering thanks to the exhaustion creeping into my limbs, and I yawn, too.

“Well, thanks, guys, I wasn’t tired until you all started yawning.” Cassidy’s yawn is exaggerated as she stretches her arms above her head.

“I think they are contagious,” Amira says through a second yawn. “And I’ll have you know, I was up very early this morning for yoga.” She waves her glass of water in my face.

I snort, a little of the beer I just sipped bubbling up into my sinuses. “Yoga,” I say with a cough, “how laboursome.”

“Screw you, neighbour.” Amira climbs out of her chair and carries her dishes to the sink.

“Dishwasher isn’t hooked up,” I say over my shoulder. “Leave it in the sink, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

I add the task of connecting the dishwasher to my ever growing long list of things to do tomorrow. I’m regretting my decision not to take any time off work, but I was determined to carry on with normal life as much as possible.

Now though, life feels anything but normal, and a few extra days to settle in would have been welcome.

“I’m off,” Amira states, halfway out of the apartment. In another situation, I would have walked her out, but the space is tiny, and the exact layout as the one she lives in across the hall. Instead, I call out, “night” with a wave.

“I should go, too.” Cassidy is standing, gathering our dishes into neat piles.

“You could stay for another drink?” I shock myself when I say it.

Two minutes ago, I was yawning, feeling tired and grumpy. But now, with just Cassidy in the room, I’d give anything to keep her here. We had been such good friends, and I could use one of those right now. “It’s been so long, we should catch up.”

With the table cleared, Cassidy pauses in front of the fridge. “Another beer then?”

I always regretted the way Cassidy and I left things. After we lost contact I always wondered if we could have been more. What we might have become if I hadn’t been such an awkward, anxious young adult. We had been friends forso long, I was scared to ruin what we had. Turns out the wedge that formed between us was my fear.

Cassidy had finally quit Supers to pursue her creative career, and for whatever reason, it was the push that encouraged me to kiss her at the party. Her phone ringing and interrupting us was a cold washer to my face. All the anxiety that had rushed through me before we made out flooded back. I couldn’t breathe the same air as her any longer, and instead of explaining myself, I ran. Almost literally.

I hate how my actions made her question herself, and I was so sick with embarrassment that the next few times we saw each other were increasingly awkward. It didn’t take long before our friendship started to fizzle out.

“You know, I never quit working at Supers,” I admit.

I’m trying to take my mind off how I rejected her … by talking about the time around when I rejected her. I can’t make sense of the logic.

She looks at me, confusion spreading across her face as she places an open beer on the table in front of me. “Hmm?” It’s a prompt, nothing more, as though she needs to see where this is going before making judgement.

“I was what, shift supervisor when you left?” When she nods, I continue. “I moved stores to become a Pantry Manager, then third in charge. Eventually I was running the whole store. I moved around the state, hopping from store to store, trying to get ahead and make a name for myself within the Supers group. It sucked.”

“So did they fire you?” Cassidy smirks as she takes a sip of her drink. The clear liquid wets her lips and I try to ignore the desire to lick it off.

It’s apparent that after so long, the slightest amount of interest from another woman will send inappropriate thoughts into my brain, and extra blood to my groin. I cringe inwardly, reminding myself Cassidy is, and always has been, off limits.The crush I once had on her should be a distant memory, and I can’t afford to get caught up in anything more than a friendship.

“Nah, I moved into head office after finally deciding management wasn’t for me.”

Wondering how we got on the topic of my career, I curse myself for talking about something so drab. “Admin first. After a year I started buying shares. I run the board now.”

“Wow.” She sounds genuinely impressed. “I’ve got to say, when you said you never quit, I was worried for a minute.”

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