Page 21 of Pucking Grey

“Maddie, I don’t know what’s going on. But stay with me tonight. We’ll talk.”

I scoff. “Really? It sounds like you just want to fuck me.”

He grabs my hand that’s on his dick, pulsing against me. “I’ve always wanted you.”

I release his dick and step back. “I’m done.”

“What?” he shouts as I storm off.

“I’m done with your shit!” I yell as he catches up to me.

“Maddie,” he pleads right before we can cut the corner. He grabs me, bringing our faces close. And honestly, I’ve missed this. I love his brown eyes and black hair. As much as I want to rip his head off, and cut off his dick, I stop fighting. I love it when his hands are on me.

He glides his fingers on my face, touching my lips. “You’re my girl, Maddie. I would do anything for you to forgive me. Stop fighting and come home with me so we can talk. Really talk.”

I clench my jaw.

“Let me go,” I try to forcefully get out of his grip.

He releases me, so I shove him. He keeps his distance as I try to catch my breath. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe. I haven’t been this close to Matt since the day I saw the video, and now I’m about to have a panic attack because he’s claiming that there’s more to the story. What piece am I missing? My anger turns into a mad depression. I don’t know if I can stop the tears.

He steps towards me and says, “Baby, come back to my place and we’ll talk.”

A piece of me that was healing cracks open and hurts just for him. The breadcrumbs of words he has said is now leading me to question if I overreacted. Before I can make a decision, he grabs my hand gently. I follow because my indecisiveness can’t seem to make a choice. I’ve resulted to emotionally morphing into a dead fish and going with the flow. Sometimes fighting the current takes too much energy. And I don’t have it in me to fight now that he’s saying he loves me. I want to hear what he has to say.

And that’s how I end up in his car, in his house, and now in his room. He shuts the bedroom door behind him. We are standing under the yellow light in pure silence. His housemates are probably at that party because the house is quiet.

“Maddie, I don’t know where to start.”

I can’t even speak because I didn’t agree to come here. We drove in silence. He wanted to explain. I’m here. I’m quiet. And now he doesn’t know what to say? I glance at him, wincing at the bruise and blood from Greyson’s punches.

“I fucked up when I brought Michelle to the party last night and tonight, I know that. I heard you were talking to Grey earlier that day. And it felt like you were the one cheating on me.”

My mouth drops. “I did not cheat on you! Are you kidding me?”

“You know I hate him. I thought you hated him too. And you didn’t talk to me about the video, you haven’t given me a chance to explain.”

“Matt!” I shout, frustrated. “You made a porn with some bitch, and I’m supposed to just talk to you?”

Matt gulps, scratching his head. He exhales, frustrated. I wish he would just spit out whatever’s on his mind because something clearly needs to be said. I wait patiently, glaring at him. I can’t believe I’m in his fucking room right now.

He sighs. “The video is old.”

I start laughing because that’s hysterical. “It’s old? You –“ I point at his hair and realize his hair is longer now than in the video. “You are such a liar.”

“Maddie, I don’t have girlfriends. I don’t know how to do this relationship shit. Before we got together, yes, I hooked up and slept around. I just so happened to film one night because Michelle is a freak. Okay? She filmed it and I said it was fine. And then I met you, so I stopped hooking up with her. And she got mad, Maddie. I didn’t commit to her, but I did to you and she’s trying to blow it up.”

I try to put these puzzle pieces together, wondering if I made things worse. But the girl math in my head is not adding up.

“Then why not tell me from the beginning?”

“Maddie,” he scoffs. “It’s been two days! You blocked me, and you started hanging out with Grey. There hasn’t been a moment where we could talk. You’re ignoring me. I get it, but the video was made before we got together. I would never fucking cheat on you. You think I don’t want this?”

He steps closer to me, grabbing my arms. He says, “I would do anything to take back the pain I caused. I know the video is bad.”

A tear slides down my cheek. He wipes it with his thumb. “I’m trying to be nice to her so she can delete it.”

“I meant why didn’t you tell me before, like weeks ago. Or when we first started dating.”

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