Page 117 of Roses in Summer

“What time did Rafe leave?” I ask, intentionally bringing up my brother to gauge her reaction. My eyes stay on Liv, and I don’t miss how her hand shakes at the mention of his name or how she sloshes her coffee over the rim of the mug as she lifts it to her lips.

“No clue. Late.”

“Did he stay the night?” I ask right as she takes a sip, which is arguably mean but also payback for the whole turning-off-the-phone saga.

“No, Seraphina.” I expect a bite to her tone, but it’s not there. Instead, she sounds resigned and almost sad about her answer. I straighten and take a long look at my beautiful friend, noting just how unhappy she appears.

“Did you want him to?”

She shakes her head immediately, though it doesn’t seem like she’s trying to deny it, but to clear her head. “No? I don’t know. Whatever was going on between us is done. He made sure of that a few weeks ago.”

“What did he do?” My own voice has an edge to it, and I’m not above hurting my twin if he did something to hurt Liv.

“You can lose the ferocious cat look on your face, Ser. He just wanted something I couldn’t give him, and instead of pushing it, pushing me, he ended things.”

“Oh. I see.” And I do see. I see how much he cares for her, how much she cares for him, but how she’s not at a place to give in to whatever it is he wants. “I’m sorry,” I offer, not filling the space with any bullshit words of encouragement to give a relationship.

“You’re not going to tell me I should give him the commitment that he wants?”

I sigh, my heart breaking at her words, and walk toward Olivia slowly, careful not to scare her off. “If you thought you were in a place to commit to Rafe, you would. I know you care about him, and I know he cares for you. But no one can tell you to do something you’re not ready to do, and I won’t push you or try to manipulate you into being in a relationship if that’s not what you want. I just want you to be happy, Olivia, and what I’m realizing is that while I’ve seen glimpses of your happiness, I don’t think you’ve ever really been happy in the four years I’ve known you.”

She turns her head, ripping her eyes from mine to stare at the blank wall. Her head starts to nod, causing her arms to move and the steaming coffee to splash over her hands. I reach out, grabbing the mug and placing it on the counter behind her. “Liv, are—”

“I’m trying, okay?” she cuts me off, her voice a low whisper. “I’ve been seeing a therapist since we moved back. I’m trying to get over it. It was easier at Penn when I was able to pretend like none of my shit show of a life happened. But it’s harder here, not just because of this god-awful state, but because of the assholes coming out of left field, these monsters that seem to never go away. Rafe was helping for a while, but I can’t use him, not anymore.”

“Liv, that’s not—”

“No,” she says sharply, turning back to face me. “I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired of my life. I hate what they did. I hate that I still let it affect me. I hate everything about that night and how excited I was, just for that to be taken away from me. I’m trying to be happy, Seraphina. I promise I am. It’s just taking time.”

“Liv.” My heart breaks, and I squeeze my hands at my side. “Can I hug you?”

She nods, her head moving up and down rapidly. “I’d like that.”

I throw my arms around her waist, pulling her into me with a fierce hug. I hold her body as she cries, the sobs moving her chest up and down as she hunches against my shoulder. I try to soothe her, making a shushing noise with my mouth like you would with a child.

“I’m here, Liv. I’m right here.”

Olivia hiccups, pulling back and leaning against the counter. “I know, Ser. But I need to do this alone.”

I nod, understanding what she means. “Okay, but…” I clear my throat as the emotion wells up. “Just know I’m here for you, okay? Whatever it is. Whenever you need it, okay?”

“I know, Ser. I know. I need to get ready for work.”

“You work today?”

“Yeah, I picked up a double, and Scott asked me to come in to help with a delivery.”

“Will you cut back on hours once your classes start?”

She shrugs, reaching behind her for her mug. “I like being busy, so we’ll see.”

“Busy is good, but working yourself to death is not.”

“I know, Ser.” Olivia walks around me, squeezing my shoulder as she passes, as though the display of emotion from moments ago was a fever dream.

I watch her disappear into her bedroom, the soft click of her door echoing in the empty space.

“That went well, huh?” Bianca’s voice barrels into me from behind, and I whip around, surprised by her presence. “I thought you had something today?”

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