Page 68 of Heart of the Sun

I let out a groan, massaging my temples. I’d made such a huge mistake, and here he was, still protecting me—and Charlie!—as he guided us through death and danger. I didn’t even know how he’d done it after our betrayal.But what I did know was that I was deeply in debt and had no way to make amends or to repay Tuck for what he’d unselfishly done.

chaptertwenty-nine

Tuck

I headed back inside from the portable toilets I’d visited after asking Hosea to keep an eye on Emily. She and Charlie had had a fight, and he’d stormed off over to the building across the way. I itched to see if she was okay, but it was pretty obvious she wanted to be alone by the slow walk she’d been doing around the perimeter of the room when I’d ducked out of the building.

Now she was stopped and chatting with a couple of young women. By the animated way they were gesturing and Emily’s smile, I thought they might have recognized her and were expressing their appreciation for her music. I couldn’t help the admiration I felt as I watched her, noting the way she reacted with equal enthusiasm and then said something that made them laugh and bring their hands to their cheeks, like she’d just paid them a compliment in return. So many of the things Emily did reminded me of the girl she’d been. But since we’d set out on this journey, I’d also been struck by the woman she’d become, the one I’d been unfamiliar with until recently. I hadn’t given her a fair shake when I’d first arrived at her apartment. I’d shown up on defense, expecting her to judge me and yet I’d judged her too. And I saw now how much of that judgment had been undeserved.

As if she had heard my thoughts from across the room, she glanced over at me, and I swore I saw a fleeting expression of what looked like sadness before she returned her attention to the two young women.

“Your first love is the hardest to get over, huh?”

I looked over at Hosea, who’d come up next to me. “Emily?”

“No, the hairy dude in the corner. Yeah, Emily. You told me about her in the joint, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.” We’d talked about a lot as I taught him to read. The truth seemed safe there in that prison library—locked behind bars just like us. I guess I hadn’t thought about how the truth was actually inside of my heart, and there was really no leaving that behind.

I gazed at her for another moment, completely mesmerized the same way I’d always been when watching her from across a room. Talking or sitting, but especially singing. And I suddenly felt guilty for disregarding her grief at what was basically the end of her career…at least for quite some time. I felt the hollowness of yet another way the world had been robbed. “We were kids when all that started,” I said to Hosea. “And nothing ever really came of it. She’s different now. So am I.”Another if.“And then there’s Charlie,” I added.

“The dude with the nasty shoes?”

I laughed. “Yeah, him. But to be fair, we’re all pretty nasty right about now.”

“We’ll get you all some new clothes and shoes,” he said. “It’s one of the things we’ve been collecting. Good footwear, especially, is going to become very important over these next few months.”

“I know. I thought about that. I’ve been making lists in my head of what will become vital and what used to be important but isn’t anymore.”

“I bet you have. That’s one of those special skills I was talking about.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“The world’s become so damn soft,” Hosea said with a sigh. “It’s going to need folks who have already learned how to do without. All that hard living under your belt is going to serve a purpose, man. Think about it, okay?” He put his hand on my shoulder. “I’ve got some stuff to do so I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Do you need any help?”

“Nah. You rest your body. You might not have much more of an opportunity to do that if you’re getting back on the road in the morning.”

I met his eyes. “How many do you estimate will die?”

Hosea paused, shifting his mouth from side to side. “I’m only saying this to you because I know you can handle it. We got a guy here, real knowledgeable about politics and whatnot, who said there was a commission mandated by Congress last year who studied this exact thing.”

“The grid going down?”

“Yeah. Apparently, they put their big ’ol brains together and found that 90 percent of Americans would die under the conditions I do believe we’ve just found ourselves in.”

“We’re talking total devastation, then.”

“Maybe. No way to fact-check such a claim at the moment. Could be a load of BS. All I’m saying is there’ll be a spot for you here.”

“Thanks, Hosea. Oh hey,” I said, and Hosea turned back my way. “Those big brains who determined 90 percent of society could die off with a grid collapse, what’d they do about it?”

“Nothing, man. They didn’t do nothing.”

Hosea turned away again and I watched him go.Nothing.But I guess I hadn’t needed him to tell me that. We were all living it.

I turned back toward Emily, her grin wide as she looked over at me, our eyes meeting. Something gripped me, a protective instinct so strong it nearly brought me to my knees.Ninety percent. That can’t be true.It had to be an exaggeration or a misremembering, or something else, but either way, I vowed that the woman I was locking eyes with would not be among that statistic.I will get you to safety.

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