Page 111 of Heart of the Sun

To my right was unforgiving terrain bereft of any sustenance and to my left a rocky embankment that led up to the guarded area, men with guns roaming the perimeter and watching from higher ground.

I took my water out and drank another small sip. I’d have to make this last until I made it to Emily, and it was going to be tight.I’d likely arrive parched, but I’d arrive. I wouldn’t give up, because I was worried about what the guard at the first barricade had insinuated. Emily might be in trouble. But even if she wasn’t, I had to tell her I loved her, and then I’d beg her to come back to her parents’ farm. Or if she’d found the purpose she was looking for in San Diego, then I’d stay if she let me. I’d find my own purpose doing something local, returning each evening to her side, creating my legacy wherever she was.

Please don’t be too late.

Please wait for me, Em. I don’t deserve you. It turns out I never have. But please wait for me.

The click of a gun brought me from my thoughts, and I ducked and pivoted. A man with a shotgun was standing behind me, barrel pointed at my chest. “Drop your backpack. It’s all I want.” He was crying and shaking, and the gun wavered from side to side. “Haven’t eaten in a week,” he said.

I brought my hands up. “Whoa, hey relax, okay? We’re all hungry. We’re all trying to survive.” I took off my backpack slowly and then set it on the ground. “I’ll give you some of my food,” I said. “But I can’t give it all. You know that. I’m willing to share.”

“You’re not willing to do shit! This gun is convincing you to. The world has gone to hell, man. Fuck this! Toss your bag over now. Now!”

The gun shook and the man let out another sob, and goddammit, but I just needed to get to Emily. But this man was right, the world had gone to hell, and if I was going to make it to San Diego, I couldn’t do it without food and water. The Swansons had offered to give me one of their weapons and some ammo, but I couldn’t allow them to do that. I never would have forgiven myself if I left them without enough defense and they’d ended up needing it.

My brain was shuffling through my options. The man was desperate and unpredictable, but he was also going to be easy to overcome and likely couldn’t hit a target that was still and directly in front of him.A loud pop startled me, and I dove to the ground, a bloody hole appearing in the center of the man’s forehead, mouth falling open right before he dropped.

I jerked around to see another gunman scooping my pack up off the ground. “Damn thieves,” he said, his mouth quirking as he held his rifle with one hand and unzipped my backpack with the other. He removed my canteen and then tipped his head back, glugging down the remainder of my water.Mother fuck.

He tossed that on the ground and then gestured with his gun for me to move along. I was vibrating with rage, ready to lunge at this man and take him to the ground, fuck the fact that he had a gun and was obviously a good shot. But Emily’s face blossomed in my mind, laughing as she twirled her braid.

What good would it do to get myself killed now when the precious last of my water was gone anyway? Killing this man wouldn’t bring it back.

“Get on,” he said, ripping a pack of trail mix open with his teeth and pouring that back too.

I moved around him, and then walked past. There were thieves on this stretch of land, the only one accessible due to the many roadblocks. And why not claim this area that ensured travelers, some of whom had provisions, if you were willing to steal from others? No need to hunt supplies down when they came straight to you.

And it felt like a roundhouse kick to the gut that because of it, men like him were going to live while others died.

A dwindling rainstorm blew through the desert later that day and I used a leaf to collect enough to quench my thirst. Then I found shelter behind a large rock, sleeping fitfully in an upright position for a few hours before rising and traveling on.

Another roadblock appeared just before sunset, and I swore under my breath. How many fucking roadblocks were there between me and Emily? I still had at least a day of travel left,and while each roadblock brought me closer, if I came to a point where I could no longer move forward, I wouldn’t have enough supplies to go back. As it was, I was depleted. I kept glancing at the sky, praying for rain as I imagined many others were doing as well.

There were four or five people, voices raised and arms gesticulating wildly standing in front of the guards patrolling this area of road that led to a higher elevation. The guards appeared unmoved, expressions blank. They were directing people to the right where only parched earth stretched around the rising cliff they were protecting. No one was getting through.

I began to turn, to walk back out toward the desert and go around when I saw a group of people behind the barrier who’d come close enough to see what the yelling and screaming was from outside their protective wall. Well, good for them for being on the other side. I hoped there was enough for everyone there, like at the Swansons’. I hoped they were sharing and that the bad rising from this situation was being balanced by the good. My gaze hooked on a face that looked familiar, and I hesitated, our eyes meeting. A woman holding a baby stood next to him, and in a sudden flash, I realized who he was—the man who’d begged us for help for his baby girl. The one I’d given the two cans of condensed milk.

Our eyes held, both of us seemingly frozen. He’d taken my advice. He’d left the city and found his way to safety and from the looks of it, just in time. He broke eye contact, turning away, the three of them headed up the hill toward the trees, the man glancing back once before pulling his wife and baby closer.

The other people who’d been begging for entrance turned back in the other direction, their quiet cries growing softer as they moved away. I took in a breath and walked around the barricades, taking several minutes to rest and gather my resolve before traveling through the area so desolate and lacking resources, it was open to all. Right now, however, I was the only one on this particular stretch of emptiness.

The sun dipped, clouds clearing, and I swore under my breath. There wouldn’t be rain tonight. Up ahead, I heard a soft smack and paused momentarily before moving forward. I took a few more steps and then halted again when I spotted what looked like a backpack sitting on a rock next to a brambly bush. I turned, looking around for a person who might have left it there. But no one would do that, not in times like these.

I squinted up to the rocky plateau on my left and noticed a man at the top with a gun strapped to his chest. They were guarding the area all along here in case someone decided to attempt a climb. The armed man, however, didn’t even spare me a glance.

I walked over to the abandoned pack, picking it up and then looking around again. The terrain remained desolate. I unzipped the backpack and looked inside. There was a large bottle of water and several food items. I shook my head in wonder.What is this?And why would anyone leave it behind? Something caught my eye, and I pulled it out, my heart clenching as I held it up. It was a label from a can of condensed milk and written over the logo were two words:Thank you.

I craned my neck, peering up again at the area being patrolled, the one that I could see extended much farther than this.The man I’d helped had gathered these things and then tossed them down from above for me to find.Had he tracked me as I walked? He had to have. My lungs tightened and my eyes burned. Then I sat down on the rock, emotion crashing over me in waves. The water eased my parched throat, and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, letting out a small wondrous laugh. The laugh turned into a shuddery breath, as I moved my finger over that label for condensed milk that had helped feed a hungry baby girl until her parents could get her to safety.

I tipped my head back and gazed out to the horizon, thisfeelingdescending.This inexplicable knowing that clogged my throat and filled my heart. It suddenly seemed so clear to me that redemption was everywhere, in every moment of every day. And so too…was mercy.

chapterforty-eight

Emily

I flew along the shore, the only place I could think to ride the dirt bike where I wouldn’t be met with blockades like the ones we had to pass through to get here. Once I encountered a mass of rocks stretched into the ocean, I accelerated up the embankment and drove on the highway that wound around the shore. Broken-down cars littered this stretch of road, but I maneuvered easily around and through, finding that only a handful of people were out, either siphoning gas, or traveling along the edge.

I was afraid to slow down. Afraid that if I did, someone would attack, causing me and the bike to skid along the asphalt only to leave me broken and bleeding by the side of the road so they could steal my ride.

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