Page 4 of Rewind It Back

Kennedy:Our sweet little puppy that just wants to know if Ryan cares about him.

Me:...

Ryan:Fine. Rio, you back or what?

Me:Your care and concern for me hold no bounds. Honey, I’m home!

Ryan:I hate this.

Me:I know. The distance was hard for me too, Ryan.

Ryan:I’m leaving this group chat.

He does for only a split second before his wife adds him back.

Indy:See you all at our place on Sunday!

Regret churns in my gut that one of their houses wasn’t my first stop when I got back to town. Instead, I was home only long enough to drop my bags before picking Chelsea up for our date.

Part of me thinks I should stop trying. I’ve looked nonstop for years, ever since I moved to Chicago, and I’m starting to believe the real thing doesn’t exist anymore.

Then there’s the reminder that I got to watch eight of my friends find it over the years, so I know, firsthand, that it’s still out there.

I finish off my glass of wine before texting Indy separately.

Me:I’m stopping by on my way home.

Indy:Yes, please!Missed you. Don’t leave home for so long again.

“I take it the date didn’t go well?” Indy surmises as we sit on her couch in the living room.

Ryan comes back from checking on their sleeping two-year-olds before joining us for my debrief.

“Do they ever?” I ask in return.

“Where did you take her?”

“Sullivan’s on Eighth.”

Ryan stiffens in his seat and a playful smile tilts on Indy’s mouth. “Oh, I love that place. I’ve been there on a da—”

“Watch it, Blue,” he says gruffly, pulling her onto his lap.

They grin at each other as if they’re sharing a secret and maybe I’d find the whole thing a little too sickeningly sweet if I didn’t want it so badly.

But also, there really is no secret. We’re all aware that before the two of them were together, Ryan pulled Indy out of a date from the same restaurant I was at tonight.

Indy was a flight attendant for my hockey team years ago and she’s been my best friend since. She met her now-husband when Ryan’s sister offered Indy his spare room to live in, and the rest is history. Ryan is the captain of Chicago’s basketball team and even though I’ve been a massive fan of his for years, he’s also become a good friend of mine.

“What was the issue?” Indy asks me.

“She...” I hesitate. “Wasn’t into it. Not interested. You know me. I either friend zone myself or scare them away.”

Not a complete lie. She wasn’t interested in what I’m looking for.

But I don’t fill my friends in on how often Idon’tscare them away. I don’t tell them just how often I try to friend zone myself and that doesn’t work. I let them believe that I’m some hopeless idiot with absolutely no game because that seems easier to explain than the fact that I’m twenty-seven years old and have never once hooked up with someone that I didn’t have a deep connection with.

I’m a slow burner. Always have been. Shit, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was nineteen and even then, it was to a girl who I had known since I was twelve.

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