Page 183 of Rewind It Back

“He was a grown man. That was his choice.”

“Yes, but much in the way your mom made the choice for you by scaring you when she told you not to tell anyone about what you knew, I made the choice for my son.”

She allows that statement to linger for a long while.

“I was alone for the first time in my life. I had just lost my husband and my closest friend, and I needed someone, anyone, to be on my team. I was so angry and so hurt that I made sure my son felt that same hurt too.”

“I can understand that. You wanted him to have your back, but he always has.”

“He has, but I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. To be honest, whenever I reflect on that time in my life, logic flies right out the window. There was no part of me that was okay with the only person on my team having a relationship withherdaughter.” She closes her eyes for a moment. “And I made sure he understood that. Without saying the words, I made him choose.”

She looks up at me cautiously, like she’s expecting some kind of explosive reaction from me. But nothing about that admission is surprising. I saw her that day. She was in fight or flight mode, and from what Rio has told me, those survival instincts have lasted for years.

How exhausting for her.

“He was all I had left, Hallie.”

“I know.”

“I just wanted my family back, but he was all I had left.” She shakes her head. “If he was with you, it meant he was on her side and that your mom had won. I know it sounds ridiculous now, but it made complete sense to me at the time. She would’ve taken every part of my family.”

Realization dawns on me. “All this time, you thought I was protecting my mom by not telling you about the affair.”

She smiles regretfully. “I did.”

“No,” I quickly say. “I was always on your side. I was always on Rio’s side. I’m on Luke’s side, and my dad’s side. We haven’t had contact with her in years. Not since we moved away from here.”

Mrs. DeLuca’s brows furrow and I watch as she lets all those pieces fall into place.

“We were all on the same side,” I tell her. “And I’m sorry I didn’t make that clearer at the time by telling you when I had the chance.”

She uses the back of her hands to pat at her face. “I’ve spent about six years trying to avoid the regret I have from putting my son in the position to choose. There’s this stubborn part of me that hoped if I never acknowledged what I did was wrong, or if Rio never talked about you or your family again, that regret would be irrelevant. I could bury those feelings.

“Then, a couple months ago, when he visited last, he talked about you, and as soon as he did, my walls went up. I was terrified that my only child was going to hate me for making him choose all those years ago, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it again. I wasn’t ready to dissociate you from your mom. Regret is not easy to live with, and I tried to convince myself that I didn’t regret my choices, but Hallie, I do.”

“I know.” I quickly nod. “I’ve regretted my choices for just as long.”

She offers me an understanding smile. “It can feel suffocating once you let it in. Consuming and debilitating. But I was wrong. What I asked of him was wrong. When he told me about you living next door to him again, I was triggered, but it wasn’t necessarilyyou, Hallie. It was the memory of how painful that time was. I didn’t want to relive it.”

“Then I show up at your door and here we are, reliving it.”

She laughs and it sounds like there’s an edge of relief in it. “Here we are.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Oh God.” She shakes her head. “No,I’msorry. I mean I knew Rio loved you then, but I clearly didn’t understand the extent of it. He’s loved you for most of his life, and I will forever be sorry that I’m the reason he lost you for so long.”

She squeezes my hand, and I realize then she’s still holding it, so I squeeze hers back.

“I don’t know that this will help that regret at all,” I say. “But I think about what the last six years would’ve looked like if things happened differently. And I don’t know. In a way, it was a good thing that going to Chicago with him back then was no longer an option. I would’ve been torn between two places at once. The strange silver lining of it all is while my dad needed me, there was nowhere else I wanted to be. Of course, I wish I didn’t lose that time with Rio, but life had a funny way of working itself out in the end.”

“Now, don’t try to make me feel better about it.”

I huff a laugh. “I’m not. I’m just saying, it’s hard to regret the past when he and I are right back to where we were always meant to be. We just had to take a little detour to get there.”

She studies me from across the table. “You’ve always loved him, haven’t you?”

“Always. He’s good and kind. And he’s goodtome, which I know is because he grew up learning to be good to you.”

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