Page 179 of Rewind It Back

Chapter 41

Hallie

Age 19

I’m supposed to be looking for a place for us to live, but every time I open my laptop to do so, I end up typing in the wordsnon-Hodgkin lymphomain the internet search bar.

Because right now, that’s all I care about.

I need to know everything. I need to find the best treatment options. I need to know how sick he’s going to get so I can prepare myself. But most importantly, I need to know how to fix him.

I’m frantic and desperate to fix him.

I’m also terrified, but I don’t know how to handle this fear other than doing everything in my power to change this outcome.

The past three weeks have felt like a dream. Rio got picked up in the first round of the NHL draft, which for anyone is a huge deal, let alone a defenseman. We celebrated with both our families, some of our old high school friends, and the entire neighborhood. I immediately started packing for our move and working on my transfer paperwork to a Chicago-based university, and each day since, I’ve spent looking for the right apartment for us to rent until we can find our dream home.

But everything changed last night when my parents sat me and my brother down to tell us that my dad has cancer.

A few days ago, the idea of living a thousand miles away from my parents seemed like no big deal. But today, that distance feels unfathomable. After crying myself to sleep last night, I woke up with the determination to fix this... right now, ideally.

There’s so much of me that still wants to go with Rio, but the terrified side of me doesn’t want to be more than ten feet away from my dad. Yes, I’m panicked and frantic, and probably not thinking clearly because this is all so fresh, but I don’t care about logic at the moment.

I need him to be okay. I’d give up everything to make sure he’s okay, and last night, as we found out everything was about to change, it seemed like I was the only one of us who felt that way.

Luke was completely checked out after we got the news. I had hoped to talk to him because he’s the only person who can understand how I’m feeling right now, but his bedroom door was closed all night. However, I heard him on the phone for hours, talking about it to his new girlfriend, Sarah, who I haven’t met yet.

Then there’s my mom, who hasn’t seemed like herself since I came home for the summer. I thought it was strange until last night when I realized that my dad had probably been showing signs of being sick for weeks leading up to his diagnosis. She must have been so worried about him.

All I wanted to do was go to my parents for comfort, but how could I? My mom just found out that the love of her life is sick. And from the research I found, his treatment journey is going to take its toll on her too. She didn’t need me crying to her about it.

Then there’s my dad, who is probably the most scared of all. This is happening to him, after all.

The only other person I wanted to go to was Rio, but I couldn’t tell him. As soon as I say the words out loud, it’ll mean they’re real, but I’m not ready for them to be real yet.

So instead, I cried myself to sleep and have never felt more wrung out as I do this morning.

Which is why I thought that a coffee shop would be a good place for me to bring my laptop to apartment hunt. I was hopeful that the caffeine would help me focus, but I’ve been here for over an hour, my coffee is untouched and cold, and my internet search has nothing to do with Chicago and everything to do with a cancer research hospital I found in Minnesota.

I don’t understand how everyone around me in this coffee shop is having a normal fucking day while I’m sitting here more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life.

I need to tell Rio.

If I decide I’m not ready to go with him yet, he’ll understand. I know he will. I just don’t want to blindside him two weeks from now when we’re supposed to be loading up our cars and driving to Chicago together.

The mere thought of this conversation has my eyes burning with tears, but I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been crying a lot. It starts up again at the drop of a hat. So, before I end up breaking down in the middle of this coffee shop, I close my laptop and start the short walk home where I can do so in the privacy of my own room.

Or rather, his room.

Rio is at a training session but should be done soon. When I get back to our street, instead of going to my house, I go to his. I’ll wait for him in his room and tell him about my dad before I lose the nerve to do so.

His parents are both at work, so I find their hidden spare key under one of the planters and let myself inside.

Technically, I live in the house next door, but Rio’s feels equally like home. I’ve spent so much time here with him. I’ve enjoyed countless hours here in the kitchen with his mom. Our families have endlessly bounced between this house and mine for years now, so letting myself into their home isn’t strange in the slightest. Rio does the same with our place.

Leaving my laptop by the entryway, I head straight upstairs. His parents’ room is at the top of the landing, so when I pass their closed door, I take a right, down the hall to Rio’s bedroom.

His door is closed too, but when I reach to open it, another door opens instead.

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