Page 130 of Rewind It Back

The confirmation makes my stomach drop. It’s a weird mixture of relief that he’s not currently sick, and guilt knowing that he was. Not only because this man was such a kind person in my life growing up, but because Hallie loves him so fucking much that imagining how scared she’s probably been makes me physically ill.

“I need you to take care of her,” he continues. “Because she’s spent so many years taking care of me, but I couldn’t do the same for her. I don’t know that I’d still be here if it weren’t for the sacrifices she made for me.”

There’s this ominous air lingering in the room. Like I’m about to put a lot of the missing pieces together, all while knowing I’m probably not going to like the final picture.

Regardless, I need to know.

I lean forward in my chair, knees to my elbows. “Can you explain what that means? What all happened since I last saw you guys? Because I don’t know if Hallie will, and even if she did, she’s going to downplay it, but I need to know the truth.”

He doesn’t even hesitate. “Well, for starters, as soon as I was diagnosed, she did endless research to find the best oncologists and treatment centers. We got lucky that this is one of the best cancer research hospitals out there, and I happen to be from here. I had a childhood friend who practiced here who got me into a trial. Hallie dropped out of school and moved to Minnesota to take care of me.”

My eyes shoot to his.

“She eventually finished taking online courses at night or while I was busy getting treatment. She’d sit next to me the whole time and do it from her computer. That was a hard pill to swallow, knowing I was the reason she was missing out. She had worked so hard to put herself through school.”

The last time I had seen Hallie was the summer after her freshman year of college. I had gotten drafted five weeks prior and was planning our move to Chicago. Hallie was looking into transferring to a university in the city so we could live together. I assumed she continued classes where she was already enrolled. I had no idea she dropped out.

“We sold the house back in Boston,” he continues. “But the market was terrible at the time. We didn’t make anything from the sale, and I wasn’t able to work once we moved because of how sick the treatments made me. Thankfully, the trial covered housing and included a caregiver’s stipend, but still, things were tight. Hallie worked any odd job she could find to get us by while also making it to every one of my appointments. She was suddenly taking care of me, when I was supposed to be taking care of her, you know?”

Nodding, my nose pricks with heat and the back of my eyes burn. There’s an overwhelming sense of pride flowing through me, knowing that Hallie took this on all on her own and handled it. But that’s coupled with immense guilt. Our years apart couldn’t have been more different. I was busy living out my dream, while unknowingly leaving her to deal with this nightmare all on her own.

My voice is hoarse when I ask, “Where’s her mom?”

Mr. Hart waves me off like she’s the least important piece of the story. “She said something pretty horrible around the time of my original diagnosis that none of us have been able to forgive her for.”

“And Luke?” I ask. “Where was he during all of this?”

“He was doing what any twenty-something should’ve been doing. Living his life. Finishing school. He wasn’t ready to pause everything for me, and I can’t blame him for that. Once he got married, I think Sarah opened his eyes to what his sister had been handling all on her own and that she needed her turn to live her life. They moved back to Minnesota last year, and Hallie left for Chicago shortly after that.”

I’d be a hypocrite if I went after you for abandoning her when I did the exact same thing.

I’d like to go out there and give my old friend a piece of my mind for not helping his sister when she needed it, but what ground do I have to stand on? I fucking left her too.

“When um...” I clear my throat. “When did you find out you were sick for the first time?”

He eyes me for a moment, and for a man who’s been so forthcoming with this conversation, he hesitates for a long while. “I think that part of the story should come from Hallie.”

There’s that pit in my stomach again, telling me I’m not going to like the answer.

The puzzle gets clearer, and as I suspected, I hate what it looks like.

It’s no wonder Hallie hasn’t wanted to give us another chance. Why would she?

I didn’t just break up with her and move away. I left her when I promised her forever. And not only that, I left her to fend for herself when everyone else did too. And I’m not only referring to financially taking care of herself, but she had to emotionally take care of herself too. That was my job, and I didn’t do it because I was so focused on my own life falling apart. For years, I couldn’t see past my own bullshit, when all the while, she’s been dealing with this.

Fuck me. I wouldn’t forgive me either.

“Rio,” Mr. Hart says, pulling my focus back to him. “You’re adults now. Don’t let your parents’ lives dictate your decisions this time. You get to choose for yourselves if you want to forgive each other, and I hope you do.”

I shake my head. “She shouldn’t forgive me. I don’t even thinkIcan forgive me.”

“You didn’t know. I need you to give yourself a little grace, okay? I need you to take care of her and you’re not going to be able to if you’re too busy regretting past decisions. She needs someone to take care of her for once. Can you do that for me?”

Can I do it? Absolutely. Should she give me another opportunity to? Probably fucking not.

The things I was angry at her for so long seem impossibly inconsequential now. I was holding a grudge because she didn’t tell me about my dad, while her hurt was because I left her when she needed me the most.

Regardless of what I didn’t know at the time, she wins. Hallie has every right to hate me.

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