He nodded.
Olivia moved on to the next bag. It contained a cardboard box, and when she pulled it out and examined the artwork on the side, she saw that it was a mobile to hang over a baby’s crib. It featured stars, moons, and another puppy, this one wearing an astronaut helmet.
The third bag held a large stuffed dog. She looked up at Charlie. “These are baby things.”
“We’re going to need them,” he said quietly. “For the nursery, I thought.”
“For the…” Olivia’s mind raced to catch up with what she was seeing. “That’s where you’ve been? Out buying things for a nursery?
“Well, we’re going to need these things,” Charlie said again. “I mean, don’t you think?” He hesitated. “Are you upset that I did this without you? I know maybe I should have waited — maybe we should have gone together — but it felt like I had to do something that would make a point to you.”
“What point are you making?”
“That we’re in this together,” Charlie said. He sat down at the table, and after a moment’s hesitation, Olivia joined him. “I know I haven’t been the best.”
“Well, that’s an understatement,” she said. “You left town and didn’t speak to me for four weeks. I’m sorry, I’m not saying this to call you out, but…”
“No, you’re within your rights to call me out,” he told her. “Honestly, youshouldcall me out. There’s no excuse for the way I acted.”
“If you know that, then why did you do it? Why did you disappear on me like that?” Olivia asked. “I get if it you didn’t want anything serious with me, but you didn’t need to ghost me that way. You could have said something. You could have let me know. Would that have been so hard?”
“No,” Charlie said. “It wouldn’t, and if that was the way I’d felt, I like to think I would have just told you, like you say.”
“What does that mean?”
He sighed. “I didn’t go to Boston because I didn’t care about you, Olivia. I went because Idocare. Because I care way too much.”
Olivia’s heart missed a beat.
This was what Izzy had suggested to her. But it couldn’t possibly be true, could it?
“That doesn’t make sense,” she said. “Why would that make you go to Boston?”
“I was intimidated,” he told her. “I’ve never had feelings like that before — not for anyone. I know I should have gotten over it. I should have faced up to it, but it felt like if I were to stay around you, I would lose control of myself. I mean, hell, I already did lose control of myself once. That night on the boat…”
“That night you regret.”
“I only regret it because it scared the hell out of me, Olivia. Do you realize how long it’s been since I gave anyone the power to hurt me? Do you get that you could crush me with a word right now? I don’t know how to deal with that. I know that makes me…”
“Pathetic,” she said softly.
“Yeah. I get that. And the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back, because I knew I had made a terrible choice and that I was going to have to face it when I saw you again.” He sighed. “It’s impossible, you know? It’s impossible to live with this kind of fear and vulnerability.”
“It isn’t impossible,” Olivia countered. “I’m doing it right now. I’ve been doing it since that night on the boat. You can’t look at me and say that I’m asking the impossible of you when all you’re talking about is the very thing you made me do. I’ve been alone in this.”
“You’re right.” He buried his face in his hands for just a moment, but then he forced himself to look up. “You are entirely right,” he said. “I should never have left. I have no excuse, and there is nothing I can say. There’s nothing that will make this all right. I’m just… very very sorry.”
“I can forgive you,” Olivia found herself saying.
She was surprised at her own words, for she hadn’t thought they would come so easily. She hadn’t expected herself to be capable of forgiveness. Not this quickly.
His eyes widened. “Can you really?”
“I can try,” she said. “This baby stuff — it’s a start.”
“I’m sure I have a lot of proving myself to do.”
“More than you can imagine,” she told him, her voice catching. She swallowed before going on. “You say I have the power to crush you, Charlie, but… you did that to me. You left me alone for four weeks. I told myself not to get involved with you, because I was sure that you were like this — and then I did it anyway. I went against my own advice, and I got myself hurt in doing so. It’s a lot to deal with.”