We start moving again and keep up the pleasant conversation all the way to the hotel. The baby sleeps the whole way. I’d never been that lucky with my own kids. They’d always been a wild and noisy bunch. I like to think they got that from their mother.
Chapter 11
Brittany
This evening was not going the way I expected it to. I poured my heart out to Clara and Tex, had my window busted out with a rock, got my nastygram that made me realize I’m being stalked by Silas Harper, Tusk popped up out of nowhere, and Tex yelled at me for letting him think his child was just a random baby I was being paid to care for. If I’m honest, I’m totally overwhelmed. I know that I need to tell the man the truth. I just need a minute to relax and get my head together.
I’m super disappointed that Tusk seems to think I’m gonna be up for carrying on where we left off. It hurts to realize he never really respected me like I thought he did. I’m always just going to be a club girl in his eyes. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.
We somehow keep the conversation rolling. I rely upon the trivia about Alaska that I’ve learned over the last nine months to keep from talking about all the topics I want to avoid. That probably makes me a terrible person, but I can’t handle Tusk telling me about how he doesn’t want another child, how we should have been more careful with birth control, and how I’m just another club girl trying to baby-trap a brother. I don’t need him anyway. I can take care of Victoria and myself. If my grandmother managed to get away from the church and all the closed-minded people who wanted to control her, I can do the same.
Tusk is smart. He pulls out the diaper bags and my tote first. He’s a good father and probably a good husband. He’s just not good for me or my child. I don’t want her to always be the odd person out with her half-brothers. Being seen as an accident or unwanted.
When Tex gives me the key card to my room, I frown. “You didn’t pay for my room, did you?”
“Clara insisted, so don’t bite my head off, darlin’,” he says defensively.
I’m hurt that he thinks I would bite his head off. I stay calm and try not to sound butthurt. “I can pay my own way.”
Clara comes up beside me and says, “Let us pick up the first night, for all the trouble we’ve caused. You can cover the next two nights for your room, and I’ll let you pay me back for your plane tickets back to Las Salinas.”
Tusk’s head snaps around to stare at me. “You’re coming back to Las Salinas? Permanently?”
I nod and say, “That’s the plan at this point. I’m going to turn in early tonight, if nobody minds. It’s been a really long day, and I haven’t fully recovered from all the chaos.”
Clara gives me a side hug. “Of course, we understand. Rest, relax, and I’ll stop by later with some warm food.”
I shoot her a sad smile. “Thanks. I just need some time to recharge my batteries, and I’ll tackle all my problems.”
Tusk tells me, “I’m sleeping on the sofa in your suite.”
“I’d rather be alone.” I can’t believe I just said that to the man I love. The thing is, I don’t want to get attached to him all over again. The last nine months have been agonizing. It’s been like withdrawal. Not having his warm body snuggled up next to me, not being able to talk to him or eat together has been hell. I was just starting to get my life moving in the right direction. I don’t want to go back to that dull, aching pain that never went away.
A stubborn look jumps onto his face. “I don’t fully understand what’s going on here. Until I’m absolutely certain you’re not in danger, I’m sticking close. If you seriously don’t want me in your suite, I’ll sit out in the hallway, right in front of your damn door.”
I sigh because I know he’s not going to let go of this. “Okay, if you insist. I really need to rest, though. I’m looking forward to a low-key evening.”
“I know how to shut my mouth, beautiful. Give me a chance.”
I shrug with one shoulder and shift my baby to the other arm. “Fine. When I’m not talkative, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Tex interjects with exasperation, “As long as y’all realize y’all have to talk at some point.”
I don’t like Tex pressuring me, so I turn around and head to my room. Once the door shuts, I can hear Clara and Tex having a heated discussion. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but I hate to think that they’re arguing because of me. I hate parts of my life right now. Every part except Victoria sucks.
Tusk takes the key card from my hand. “I’m gonna go down and grab the rest of your luggage from the SUV.”
“You don’t have to do that. I can go down and fetch it in the morning.”
He doesn’t listen. Instead, he slips out with the key card.
By now, Victoria is starting to get fussy again. So, I settle down in the bedroom behind closed doors to breastfeed her. I’m going to have to tell Tusk about her, I know I do, but right now I feel so exhausted I really don’t have the bandwidth.
I hear Tusk come and go a couple of times, and the thump of luggage being dropped off. When Victoria is full and happy, I adjust my clothing and make sure she burps before putting her to down to sleep in the pack and play the hotel provided.
Then it’s me time. I collapse into the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I used to be like the Energizer Bunny, going and going and going. These days, I’m lucky to make it through the day. It’s the round-the-clock feeding and sleepless nights. Not to mention the worry that Silas has found me. I kick off my boots, turn onto my side, curl up with a big, fluffy pillow, and tumble off to sleep.
Unfortunately, my dreams are filled with the one man I want to avoid. He’s smiling at me like I’m the most important thing in his world. I’m lost in a dream, and when Tusk buries his face between my legs, it feels like I’m in heaven, though my reprieve from the mess that is my life doesn’t last for long and I’m woken by a gentle knock at the door.