She’d already caught and eaten one, earning praise for her prowess.
I would be heartbroken when Smalls needed to live in a larger habitat, as I adored everything about the tiny crocodile hatchling.
“There was a video of her chasing you. You’re in trouble for not taking pity on her earlier!”
I blinked. “But I was trying to leave the wild animals in the wild.”
“So I was told. Because you were trying to do the right thing, and you ultimately stopped and adopted the poor little baby, all has been forgiven. However, the second crocodile, Ian? Really?”
Crap. Madelyn had learned about my close brush with death while in Cambodia. “Someone recorded me being aggressively cuddled by the monster crocodile?”
“I’m afraid so. Your expression was rather priceless. I laughed myself silly over the moment you realized you would have to shower a crocodile fully capable of killing you with affection. I’m just giving you shit because I can.”
That was something. If Madelyn was in a good enough mood to give me shit solely because she could, I might survive my return trip home. “I’m sorry I’ve been a chicken shit about calling. I wasn’t sure how to tell you about the terrorists.”
“You mean your parents.”
“Well, they’re officially terrorists. Well, they were until the wildlife decided to end the problem for me. At that point, I was mostly feeling guilty out of general obligation. Is Rachel ready to kill me?”
“Yep.”
Shit. “Save me.”
Madelyn laughed. “I already assigned the task of your salvation to Danielle. She is currently begging her Aunt Rachel to read her a story, and I asked her to find out when you’d be able to come home. She won’t be able to kill you once your little girls start crying for their daddy. Also, I need you to get your ass back here to help contain this chaos. They’re angels for me, but the instant I take my eyes off them, they start crying for you or they get into trouble.”
Great. My sister would be on the warpath to drag me back home, kicking and screaming if needed. “If I can’t escape Thailand, how would you feel about coming to me with the girls?”
“Why can’t you escape Thailand?”
“The queen keeps threatening to cry. I made a mistake, Madelyn. She offered me anything I wanted, and I had her pet my baby crocodile. Apparently, this was perhaps the most honorable thing I could do, and they are worshipping me. I don’t want anything for rescuing their daughter. I honestly didn’t care who the hostages were. They needed to be saved, and I decided I’d be involved with saving them. But they’repersistent.”
“How terrible, Ian. You’re being respected for doing something so very important for them.”
I admired her use of sarcasm. “I’m not sure how to get out of this situation alive, Madelyn.”
“Have you considered inquiring if there might be a horse you could purchase? There is a small horse breed from Thailand that might be suitable for the girls. They’re also good carriage horses. I’ve been told they’re the Thai version of Fjord horses, so they’re short and stout, strong enough to carry even adults.”
I could read between the lines. “If you want one, I can ask about getting a set of four, that way they can be a little herd together. I recommend we get mares, that way I don’t have to worry about gentling a stallion. And I’m man enough to admit I’ll hurt my own feelings if I get another gelding.”
“You loved your horse. That’s understandable. But yes, why don’t you inquire about purchasing four good Lampang horses? That should get the Thai monarchs off your back if they’re that desperate to thank you. And the other families?”
I glared at the pile of wrapped presents taking over an entire corner of my room. “The only reason nobody has insisted that I open these gifts here is that there are presents for you and the girls among them. I claimed I wanted to open everything together as a family. Which is actually true. There are an absurd number of gifts in this room. If my future wife was sharing the room with me, I would not dislike this pile of presents as much.”
Madelyn giggled. “Just tell them you want to buy four horses for us, arrange for them to be shipped home, and politely inform them that the girls are beginning to worry over how long you’ve been gone. That should get them to release you back to the wilds. Try not to spoil Smalls too much. Smalls does deserve to be spoiled, especially after she followed you like she did. I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous she thought of the idea first. Do you think it would have worked for me?”
“Very probably, but I’m rather hopeless. But please save me from my sister. And please don’t tell her that Terry kicked our parents’ ashes around so they couldn’t be collected. I don’t think she’d handle that part of things well. Honestly, I’m still shocked he actually did it.”
“It makes sense. He cares for you and your sister rather deeply, and those assholes hurt you both. To him, they’ve always been terrorists, and Terry does not like terrorists. Try not to worry about it. Just try to come home before the girls lose their minds. And please do not bring home any venomous snakes. I can understand Smalls. She’s adorable. But please leave the snakes alone.”
As far as restrictions went, I could work with hers without complaint. “Please tell the girls I love them, and I’ll be home as soon as I convince the Thai monarchs I really don’t need some reward for rescuing any of the hostages. I’m betting they’re just going to make the poor RPS agents add to the pile. They are not happy about having to check all these presents for threats—or food products. At least the givers have learned to just tell someone if the present is something I need to eat immediately.” I’d been happy enough consuming the food; most of it was new to me, lacked alcohol, and helped me dodge the ceremonies through excellent naps. “If they don’t release me, you should come to my rescue with the girls.”
“I have been told that we will not be taking the girls on any foreign trips for at least six months. They still need scenario work and self-defense courses.”
I scowled, as one of our first disputes as parents had involved teaching Danielle self-defense. The freshly minted three year old insisted on launching sneak attacks on anyone foolish enough to encourage her.
One day, someone would get hurt, and I expected that someone to be me. “Could we, perhaps, teach Danielle the difference between self-defense and attacking her poor father?”
“Her poor father catches her, tosses her in the air, and plays with her upon launching said attacks, so I’m pretty sure her poor father is to blame for her life choices.”