Page 116 of Iron Unicorn

Eddie snickered. “You got it, Terry. Shoot me a text when you need to get away. Just try to tip your queen off. I’m going to hold you ransom for surfing lessons.”

“Good choice, Eddie.”

Olivia bit her lip, and when I raised a brow, she turned her head, her face reddening.

The elevator saved us all, and I thanked Eddie, wished him the best of luck with his mom, and headed for our suite, hauling my bag along. Olivia fell into step with me, and she tightened her hold on my arm. The suite had double doors at the end of the hall, and I shook my head at the queen’s excess. “The RPS is going to take her to task for giving us the better room,” I predicted.

“They’ll likely praise her for a change. You’ve earned the fancy room. I was expecting you to come, and I didn’t recognize you!”

I freed my arm long enough to open the door. “That was the point. Had I just walked into the palace, the RPS agents would have pounced, turned me into a living pretzel, and delivered me to their queen for a scolding. And she would have been ruthless about it. She would have shown no mercy. I didn’t want to get turned into a living pretzel, Olivia.”

Once inside, I explored, located a bathroom, and began the tedious work of escaping the wig, removing the makeup, and getting into clothes I liked. “Olivia? I really do have a whole new appreciation for the sorcery women do to entrap men. Had I any idea how much work this was before, I would have made shrines to every woman I’ve ever dated.”

“Do you have a long rap sheet of dated women?” she asked, joining me in the bathroom and helping with peeling the wig glue away from my scalp. “Holly meant business when she got you set up this morning.”

With her help, I got the wig off without damaging it or myself. “I dated in high school and college, and I made a token effort once a month before meeting Sabina. After Sabina’s death, I did not go on any dates. But should I be enticed into going on a date, and the woman wore makeup, I would be forced to worship at her altar. Now I know the amount of effort involved with such things.”

“You do put in the effort to wear a suit,” she reminded me. “That’s good effort, too! I did not have dating days, though. I did a few stints at charity auctions, but I kept striking out.”

I clued in on what was going on, and I regarded the princess with wide eyes. “You’re a virgin?”

“Yep. Anything you’ve heard me or others say about charity auctions and leaving the virgin pool were lies, lies, lies. We of Montana don’t lie all that often, because it makes most of us quite uncomfortable, but we are capable of doing it for a good cause. Mostly, my brother wanted to spare me, and once that started up, well, there’s just no going back from it. An imaginary suitor fell on the sword and spared someone from the reality of the situation.”

I went to my suitcase, dug out the clicker, and because I could be an ass, I gave her a few counts. Then I gave her a few more because I could. I rapid fired clicked it, pointing the device at her.

She raised a brow. “Three weeks ago, I might have run away crying over that.”

She would have. I dug out the other clicker and gave her a point. “You were beautiful before your nose underwent some adjustments, and you’re beautiful afterwards.” I set the two clickers on the vanity before fetching the secret clicker, giving myself a point, and checking the counter.

Since starting to track, I’d accumulated over three hundred attempts at convincing the woman to make some sort of move. I got my phone, took a picture of it, and sent it to her brother. I placed the phone onto the vanity and went digging through my clothing again until I located all six ring boxes. I lined them up on the vanity and placed the counter on top. “You do not ever need to wear makeup for me, date or no date. If you decide to wear makeup, I will appreciate the effort. Frankly, I like the whole idea of dating and would enjoy doing it again. I want to wine and dine you because I like things like that. I know I work a shitty schedule, but you know if I can check my texts and reply, I will. I’ll even keep sneaking into the bathroom to call you while on duty when needed. Edward only needed ten times to convince Daphne, but he was thinking he’d need fifty.” I picked up the clicker and waved it. “I have dropped over three hundred hints, Olivia! Three hundred!” I checked the counter. “And twenty-seven, apparently. Three hundred and twenty-seven attempts. It seems that I’m exceptionally bad at dropping hints.”

She stared at me, and her mouth hung open.

I reached over, placed a finger beneath her chin, and pressed up until her mouth closed, then I shifted my hand so my finger pressed to her lips. “I bought six rings, matching jewelry, and swore my soul to the trembling lip demoness in New York so I’d have a place to take you in New York that wasn’t a shared palace suite, although you’re more than welcome to share my suite. There will be nights I’ll have to stay at the palace to keep an eye on Rachel.”

I lowered my hand, turned, and plucked one of the rings from the vanity, uncertain of which one I held. I scowled at it. “The reality is, the actual engagement rings will be made of iron, and should you accept the proposal, you’ll get to watch me make them. Yes, that’s plural, because I know you like wearing rings on both hands. I was under doctor’s orders to throw hints at you until you acted, Olivia. Three hundred and twenty-seven hints later, and I’m not sure you’re going to take the hint.”

“Did you just call Rachel a trembling lip demoness?”

I heaved a sigh. Of everything I said, she’d focused on that? “Olivia!”

The woman smirked at me, and I realized she yanked my chain and enjoyed every moment she spent trying to shove me off the edge and into the realm of the insane. She grabbed a washcloth, wetted it, and went to work scrubbing the makeup off my face. “You caught me by surprise, Terry. I was waiting for the complaints about the bra straps, the joy of escaping having breasts, and how your thighs are chafing in that skirt. Instead, you started pulling out jewelry boxes and babbling worse than a brook. I was, admittedly, starting to hold some hope there was interest, but I wasn’t brave enough to do anything about it. As always, I feared rejection.”

In her shoes, I would, too. “I’d never reject you, Olivia. Well, unless you’re trying to steal my babies. You can’t steal my babies. You can visit them and shower them with your love, but you can’t steal them. I might have to reject a dalliance if I’m late for work, but I’ll hope you’ll forgive me by the time I get home.”

Olivia giggled and kept scrubbing at my face, turning my head to the side to try to get the thick layers of gunk off. She needed to wash the cloth numerous times before handing it to me and instructing me to wipe at my eyes until only skin showed. “While I might technically be a virgin, I have a battery operated boyfriend I’m ready to cheat on. I just have issues, and many of them involve my face. Do you know what drove me crazy, Terry?”

As I rarely understood what went on in her head, I was forced to reply, “I don’t know.”

“Every time I wore something that made my breasts look absolutelyfabulous, you insisted on looking at myface.”

Well, at least she’d noticed I’d done my best to stare into her eyes rather than contemplate how I might gain permission to explore her cleavage. “While I get changed, why don’t you go ask Daphne for the photographic evidence that I did, in actuality, look places other than your face. I just tried to do it on the sly. Apparently, according to Daphne’s pictures, I did not succeed.”

With amusing haste, Olivia left the bathroom to do as I suggested, giving me sufficient time to escape the skirt, peel out of the bra, and free myself from the fake breasts. I tossed the whole lot to my suitcase, as I’d keep everything for future capers. I shucked out of the shorts Holly had stuffed me in to help with the ruse, as she wore them as well to keep any peepers at bay. With nothing to lose and good company to gain, I stuck my head outside of the bathroom and said, “I’m going to take a soak in the tub. You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like.”

I assumed she talked to Daphne on the phone, as she said bye, hung up, threw her phone on the sofa, and headed my way. “But do I get to look?”

“You can do whatever you’d like, just leave me alive when you’re done with me,” I replied. “Did Daphne have incriminating pictures?”

---