Page 8 of Trickster King

In order to stage a successful escape from the palace, several things needed to happen. First, I needed to make certain my wife was in a suitable emotional and physical state. Keeping a close eye on her appealed to me as I loved nothing more than her happy anticipation over the newest additions to our family. Second, our children needed to fully understand I wouldn’t be around for a week or two.

Third, I needed to trick my RPS agents and the nosy politicians determined to keep track of my every move, behaving like nothing was going on.

Deidre handled the situation a great deal better than Adam. For the first two weeks after informing the children it would be my turn to skip out of town for a week or two, he took to clinging to my leg during all waking hours to make sure I stayed where I belonged. In a way, I loved his attention.

It annoyed his mother, who hadn’t gotten our boy to latch onto her recently. My inability to hide my smirk got me into the best sort of trouble, too.

Finally, the fungal infection needed to pack its bags and stay out of my lungs for three weeks, which gave me the time needed to convince Adam I’d be coming back, he’d be able to have his mother all to himself, and I’d bring him back a present.

The offer of a present did the trick, much to my relief. As I could be ruthless when needed, I promised two presents if he latched onto his mother until I returned.

When Jessica found out I’d bribed our son to annoy the daylights out of her, she’d find some way to acquire revenge, but it would wait until I returned from my vacation.

I fully intended to be well away from the palace before she clued in on what I’d done.

Most of the time, I thought I did all right as a father, but then I stooped to bribing my children so I could escape from them for a while.

A little under three weeks through my fungal infection probation, a group text from Eddie’s boarding school, something he’d been interested in trying and I paid for, informed me he’d come down with a stomach bug and needed one of his guardians to retrieve him. I called dibs, smirked, and waited for Randy to come into my office and yell at me.

Within five minutes, he knocked, entered without waiting for me to acknowledge him, and glared at me.

“I called dibs,” I announced, showing him my phone.

“Your Majesty,” he complained.

“I called dibs, and if you’re unavailable, I can drive myself and pick him up. And anyway, if he’s caught a stomach bug, he’ll need someone to cook for him. I need to visit my ranch anyway.”

Once I made sure my boy wasn’t seriously sick, I’d join forces with him, kidnap Randy, and begin my plan to vacation while my wife fumed.

I technically violated my rule to wait for three weeks to make sure my lungs remained fine, but sometimes, sacrifices needed to be made. Jessica would forgive me, especially after I bribed her with her favorite meals and extra pickled peppers—and that I planned my vacation for early in her pregnancy so I would be fully accessible for when she needed me the most. One child tenderized her from the inside, and I worried about what twins would do to her.

In two more weeks, I wouldn’t be capable of slipping away for any length of time. I’d be hovering, annoying her into wanting to shock me for my overprotective tendencies.

For the moment, all I needed to do was trick Randy into getting into an SUV with me. I’d even drive as the RPS enjoyed making me prove I maintained my status as an actual Texan rather than a chickenshit behind the wheel.

“I’ll drive,” I warned him. “Alone. Will I make it the whole way without disrupting Dallas traffic?”

“Her Royal Majesty is not going to be pleased.”

I grabbed my phone, pressed the speed dial for my wife’s phone, and waited.

“What do you need, Pat?”

“Eddie has a stomach bug. I called dibs to pick him up from school. I’ll take him to the ranch, cook him some soup, and be back sometime late tonight or in the morning if he needs me to stick around. If I’m delayed longer than that, I’ll let you know.” In reality, I would be texting her with a challenge to come catch me. “Also, it might be a good chance to get the aides to shuffle our schedule again. The twins are going to start demanding that you nap in the afternoon starting in two or three weeks, and I’d like to only do my share of the work while your share of the work is delegated or delayed as necessary. Use my cruel abandonment of my kingly duties as an excuse to perform a hostile takeover of my schedule while clearing yours. Schedule in at least one nap a day.”

“You’re being awfully generous. What are you planning?”

“Cow cuddling, and you can’t stop me. I called dibs on picking Eddie up.”

“Really, Pat?”

“I will bring them into the barn before I cuddle with them,” I promised. “If I’m not in the field, it should be fine. Not only will I bring them into the barn first, I’ll give them a bath. I’ve already threatened to leave Randy behind and drive myself. You’re my only blockade to picking Eddie up.”

“You only have yourself to blame tomorrow when you come back to a hectic schedule. I am taking you up on your offer. This is your consolation prize. I think the food-thieving tyrants are trying to suck away my energy along with my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“I’ll make you extra yams and chicken when I’m back,” I promised.

“I’m evicting you from the palace. Get out, and I don’t want to see you until tomorrow morning at the earliest. Begone! Bring ingredients with you when you do return. The food-thieving tyrants expect extra yams and chicken tomorrow. Take Geoff with you. He might keep you out of trouble.”

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