Page 43 of Duke of Chaos

“Precisely,” Barbara agreed.

“Yes, but I feel the same,” Lydia interjected, “Perhaps I am just now starting to accept it a little better, but we are similar in that way. On each occasion when he got too close, I pushed him away, even if I did not want to, until the night of the masquerade. Now I cannot stop thinking about him inthatway, but I am also furious with him,andI am angry that he does not want to talk about whatever it is that isclearlyunfolding between us!”

“Oh, dear,” Barbara murmured, sitting back in her chair. “It has happened.”

“Even with Ezra,” Alice mused as if amazed, “Who would have thought it possible?”

“What are the two of you going on about?” Lydia demanded.

“Let me just say this,” Alice sighed, smiling at Lydia as she grasped her hand, “Our orphans seem to be all torn up about love. Believe it or not, Ezra is acting this way because he is starting to care for you and that terrifies him deeply.”

“Ezra is not afraid of anything,” Lydia scoffed, but neither of her friends joined her.

“For a man that feels almost nothing at all, feeling anything can be terrifying,” Barbara replied, her tone gentle.

“Ambrose,” she went on, taking a steadying breath, “was not quite as distant as Ezra with his emotions, but it was clear that having feelings for me unnerved him.”

“And look what Duncan did when he first realized he loved me,” Alice said.

“Do not remind me,” Lydia said quickly, “I wanted to throttle him for the heartache he caused you.”

“He made up for it one hundred times over when he came back,” Alice said gently. “He has not left my side since, nor will he. Duncan cares deeply for me, and I believe Ezra may be starting to care deeply for you.”

“Ezra is neither Duncan nor Ambrose,” Lydia replied, her heart sinking.

“I am grateful that you kept your initial promise by not being judgmental and demanding, but you do not have to give me false hope.”

Barbara let out a loud laugh and asked, “Hope? You truly think we wish to give you hope for this man? No. He does not deserve you now, nor will he ever. Despite that, however, you are changing him. I saw it, we all saw it at the party, and it is for the better. That mask of numbness he always wears is slowly crumbling away.”

Lydia’s lips quirked. Yes, that was true. In fact, she had come to enjoy the various new expressions she’d seen on her husband’s face. All of them seemed to make him annoyingly more handsome, but yes, she had relished not seeing his usual blank look of dull boredom.

“There is something else,” Lydia ventured slowly, her cheeks growing hot. “Not an emotional issue per se, but a…a, well…” She laughed nervously, unable to say it aloud.

“Physical,” she forced out, stretching her hand to her side to wave at her body, “And no, before you ask, it is not that he strikesme or anything like that it is…it is…well, I do not know what it is, exactly but it, it…”

Lydia stopped trying to find the right words for a moment as she took a furtive look at her friends. She saw Alice peering down at the table, her lips pressed together tightly as if trying to hold back a wide smile. Barbara seemed equally excited, her eyes alight with curiosity as she leaned forward on her elbows. Lydia gave them an odd look. It was not quite the reaction she had been expecting.

“Go on, dear, you can tell us anything,” Barbara said quickly.

Taking a deep breath, Lydia took a moment to gather her thoughts.

“When he touches me,” she began slowly, unable to make eye contact with either of them, “it is like my entire body wakes up. He may touch only my hand, but I feel it so deeply everywhere, almost like a pulse. It is so enjoyable, yet it steals my thoughts in the most annoying fashion.”

“Oh, heavens,” Barbara murmured, a slow smile spreading across her lips.

“And then he mocks me for it when he sees he has this effect. When he is not touching me I can mock him right back, tit for tat, you know? But if he is touching me and he mocks me, I…” she paused, unsure whether or not she should actually share such a shameful admission.

Lydia pressed her eyes shut tightly as she recalled her time with Ezra in his chair and she felt her body heat up and tighten all over again.

“It excites me, somehow,” she finally breathed out, “and I do not understand it! I am wicked, surely I must be.”

“You are not,” Alice said defensively, speaking up for the first time.

Her smile had slowly faded as she heard the distress heighten in Lydia’s voice and was now giving her a calm, comforting look.

“Ezra is not the only man that possesses this “trait,” Barbara added delicately, reaching a hand for Lydia, “And you are not the only woman that draws excitement from it.”

Relief and surprise filled Lydia as she took in the calm, honest faces of her sister and friend.

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