Page 55 of The Dark Duke's Virgin

“Of course!” she cried to which Esther raised an eyebrow to which Caroline sighed. “I am going to miss Isabella whenthe time comes—you know it as does Isabella—but we will be returning to your estate sooner rather than later, so it is a necessary evil. I do not begrudge him of that.”

Again, Esther eyed her curiously. “If you say so, dear.”

Strangely, that wasn’t as much of a lie as it could have been. While Caroline was indeed saddened that within the week a new governess would likely be hired to replace her, she knew in her heart that it was the right move. And while she would indeed miss Isabella more than she could bear to admit right now… again, it was something that had to happen.

But Esther was right in her assessment that something was wrong. For three days now, it had plagued her. For three days now, it had harried her. For three days now, she had felt her mood plummet, knowing what she needed to do to fix it, unable to do just that because in her mind it was not up to her to do so.

Ultimately, and this was what hurt the most, she was beginning to concede the very real fact that things would stay this way until she and Esther returned home finally, away from here. It pained her to think of such a thing. The regret she felt literally hurt. But she also knew it was for the best.

Caroline’s life was a lie. She was running and hiding. To become entangled in any way with His Grace would only force that lie to the fore, and that was a fate she could not allow to happen. No matter what. No matter how much it hurt.

“If that’s the case,” Esther continued warily, “I might suggest that you be the bigger person and?—”

“I am not going to apologize,” Caroline snapped suddenly, sick of the probing. “I have nothing to apologize for.”

“Not apologize,” Esther hurried to explain. “But an olive branch. If you were to… oh, I don’t know, go and speak with Frederick the next time the two of you are home. Just to make sure there is no ill will, I am sure he will happily put this horrid business behind you.”

“How very big of him.”

“Just a thought, dear. Just a thought.” She exhaled, half-reached for the piece of cake, and then sighed. “I know that it would mean the world to Isabella if you did. She hates seeing the two of you fight.”

“We are not fighting.”

“You know what I mean. Isabella worships you, dear, and if she was to see you and her father speaking on good terms again, I can only imagine how happy she would be.”

Caroline narrowed her eyes at Esther. “That is a dirty trick. Using Isabella like that.”

She winked. “We use the tools we are given.”

“Why do you even care?” Caroline sighed. “You know we will be heading home in the coming weeks, and I hope that you expect me to come with you…” She looked at Esther for confirmation, but the old woman was back to her piece of cake, acting as if she hadn’t heard. “And now that His Grace is intent on finding a new governess, there is no good reason that we need to be on such good terms.”

“Even for Isabella?”

“As if that is the true reason.” Her eyes narrowed further, for she knew why Esther was bringing this topic up, and while it might have elated some sense of excitement within her before, Caroline had long since resigned herself to the impossibility of such an idea.

Esther pretended to look hurt. “I have no idea to what you mean.”

“All right, play the fool if you wish. Frankly, I would prefer it. It makes it easier for me to ignore you.”

“The same way you are ignoring Frederick, you mean.”

A final rueful, warning glare shared for Esther, and Caroline went back to looking into the vast emptiness of the wilderness as she had been doing before Esther had brought this topic up. And while she might have liked to have thought of anything else, typically, her mind went straight to His Grace.

Funny that for a short time there, she had wondered, even hoped at what might become of them. After what had happened the day of the garden party, her mind had been awash with fantasies and fancies over what he had done, how it had felt, and how much she wished for it again.

Truly, right up until he had come storming into the room, shouting and snarling at herself and Isabella, Caroline had dared to dream what might be. But that day had changed everything.

She and His Grace could not work. And not because of his temper. Not because he refused to apologize for it. And not because of Isabella. At the end of the day, Caroline was living a lie, running from a past that she would not speak, hiding from those who wished to do her harm. Nobody knew of this, and if anything more was to happen between herself and His Grace, that truth might come out, and the consequences would be dire.

For that reason, she was almost happy that he had done what he had done and that he now hid from her. At least that saved her from temptation. At least now she did not have to worry about her lack of self-control and her true feelings.

Caroline had long ago accepted that she would live and die alone. Best that she accepted it now for good and moved on. As hard as that was to do…

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Istill think you should apologize,” George said lazily, as if he was only half listening to his own words.

“And I still think that you should drop it.”

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