Still looking away, she could feel Esther’s eyes on her, watching closely, looking for the chink in her armor to exploit. Slowly, the woman reached for the piece of cake and took another bite, chewed just as slowly, and swallowed.
“If you say so,” she said eventually. “I won’t push.”
“Good,” Caroline said rightly, her chest still feeling tight. “That will save me asking you to drop it.”
Had it really been three days? She supposed it must have been, even if it somehow felt longer than that. Three whole days since she had approached His Grace in his study, told him the truth about Isabella, made sure to keep her distance and control her emotions, and then walked away without doing anything that she might come to regret.
Three whole days since she had last seen or spoken with the man who she could not stop thinking about. Three whole days, and… well, as said, it felt a lot longer than that.
Caroline had not expected to not see His Grace in that time either. It was not as if she was avoiding him purposefully. If anything, he was the one avoiding her! His reasons were his own, ones that she was infinitely grateful for as she knew that to see him again would not bode well for either of them. A goodthing, she told herself determinedly. The right thing. A thing she should be happy for. And yet…
Three whole days, and with each setting of the sun and rising of the moon, she found her mind wandering more and more to His Grace, thoughts of him she did not want, desires she wished she did not feel, a pull to go and speak with him again that she fought incessantly.
And all through it, she could not help but wonder, was he feeling the same way?
“I agree that he had no right to speak to you that way,” Esther continued.
Caroline eyed her. “I thought you said that you were finished with this topic?”
“I am just saying…” She put the piece of cake down again and wiped her hands clean. “I agree with you. The way he spoke to you…” She clicked her tongue. “That man has a temper on him.”
“That is an understatement,” she said bitterly, even if a part of her loved that side of him… what it brought out in the two of them.
“But if it is an apology that you are expecting from him, I worry that you will be waiting forever.” She tittered. “I do not think that Frederick has ever apologized in his life. I would not think that he knew how.”
“I do not expect him to apologize,” she said… a half-truth, boarding dangerously close to a lie.
“What then?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, is this how it will be then? The two of you avoiding one another until it is time to leave? I hardly think that is conducive to a hospital environment.”
“I am not avoiding him,” Caroline said simply. “It is just that we have not seen one another. It is hardly the same thing.”
“Ha! Semantics.”
“Facts.”
It was a conversation that had been threatening to happen for three days now. Ever since that first morning after she had approached His Grace when he had walked into the dining room, seen Caroline sitting there, and then walked back out. Esther had taken note, frowned quizzically, but had not pressed. Thankfully.
Likely, the only reason that she hadn’t brought it up until now was because there had not been time, for the two women had not been alone together since.
Today was different. Isabella and Frederick were spending the day together, giving Caroline and Esther a chance to get out of the manor for a change. Esther had wished to visit London, but Caroline had nipped that in the bud. She claimed that she wanted fresh air… obviously, unable to tell Esther that she wanted to avoid London in case she saw someone from her past life, the one she was running from. Another conversation they would one day have… likely, even more awkward than this one.
Rather, a picnic was suggested, away from the estate, near the surrounding forest, just the two of them alone in the wilderness to enjoy what was a beautiful day.
Although now, Caroline was very much beginning to regret it.
“You’re not upset that he has begun to search for a new governess, are you?” Esther asked.
“What? No, of course not.”
“Because that was always the plan. And yes, the way he went about telling you was a little… rude. And even I was surprised by how quickly he began the process.”
“I told you, that is not a bother.”
“Are you sure?”