Page 12 of Becoming Monsterous

Not even the lust that Eros brought with his arrows.

Not even, I realize with a knot in my stomach, the palest shade of affectionate pink.

They don't love me—not even a little bit.

Chapter10

Ellie

Imust be mistaken. They must at leastcarefor me.

As I follow my triumvirate of three monstrous men straight into the middle of Occult House, we pass dozens of other monsters. They're almost all in the middle of some fast-paced task, going quickly from place to place, holding artifacts, strange objects, and books. Even with that, almost all of them stop to swivel their eyestalks or blink their beady gazes directly at me.

And they bow, mostly just a little, twice deeply enough to make me uncomfortable.

Dark purple love flows from them towards me—the kind of heavy, burdensome love that I'm realizing now is worship.

"They know I'm a god," I realize aloud, after the seventh monster passes us by and nearly trips when she looks at me, her small double pair of wings fluttering. "How do they know I'm a god? Can they just see it on me?"

"Smell it," Angus rumbles, swinging his head towards me and flaring his nostrils thoughtfully. "You look... different. But youfeeldifferent too. And smell heavier somehow."

Aleron dryly observes, "Weight doesn't have a smell, unless it's the sweat of exertion you're referring to."

"It's power that they sense more than anything." Of course, Morpheus is the one who gives me a real answer. "You must feel it too. You're standing up straighter, walking with a purpose, and making direct eye contact. They may have seen your snakes before, or even your powers, but they've never seen you act with so much authority and confidence."

The Mothman's next comment surprises me. "It's sexy."

I whip my head towards Aleron, heart skipping a beat. "Really?"

"What can I say." He shrugs—though no lustful magenta pours off him towards me, I swear he licks his lips in my direction. "When you were human, you looked at us with fear and disgust, and scurried everywhere sideways. You wanted to be anywhere but here, and don't argue with me. You ran anyway in the middle of the night just to get away from us. It's only since you let Medusa's soul turn you into a deity that you've looked at any of us like we're anything other than terrifying monsters or pieces of meat for your consumption."

I know he's referring to Angus, and I can't exactly deny it. Ihavelooked at the Minotaur with lust in my eyes, desiring his body but not his company. Now that I've seen his personal hell in the Shadow World, I understand how harmful that must've been, and why it would make Aleron bitter towards me.

Maybe, this whole time, hehasn'thated me for what I am. Maybe he's hated me for how I thought of him and the other monsters like him. Consciously or not, I was prejudiced—and ready to leap to conclusions and make the worst judgment the instant I had an excuse.

"Well, I'm sorry," I tell him, feeling the weight of it fall from my shoulders. "I hope you can forgive me... though you haven't exactly made it easy not to judge you, and you've judged me plenty in return."

"You're right." He flashes me a charming smile, which shocks me yet again. "I've been a bitter old ass of a monster. That's done with now—you've proven yourself loyal to us. I know you won't enslave us to your will... though I think I'd find it sexy if you tried."

I find nothing to say to that, so it's just as well that yet another monster passes us, stops in a fluster near me, and bows deeply. Sighing, I reach into my new memories for the knowledge of how to switch back, and instinctively flow into my human form.

I keep Cornelia in my hair, and the green eyes I now sport, because I like having the night vision. But I let go of the other snakes, as well as the bit of extra height—my clothes were struggling to keep up anyway. My skin shifts from its otherworldly glimmer to a tanned shade, and my muscle soften some, the six pack abs of a warrior disappearing under my shirt.

"There." I look at Aleron, jutting my chin out with stubborn pride. "Human again. I'm sure you hate it."

"I don't." He blinks at me, as if a little surprised by his own reaction. "Do you hate looking like one of us?"

"I don't. Though I'm glad I don't have like, four hands or something. That would be difficult to get used to."

As if on cue, another pair of monsters hurries past with objects in their hands—or tentacles, in the case of one. I'm about to open my mouth to ask them what in the world is going on and what they're up to, when the tentacle-armed monster nearly falls over in the process of curtsying to me.

They still know I'm a goddess. Even with Cornelia nestled in among boring brunette strands of hair, my skin all normal and non-glowing, and my height returned to well below average.

It disturbs me. When I was training with Lise, I was convinced that I would want to return to Earth as soon as I could control my powers. Now that I can, I haven't even considered it—but I won't feel at home here in Occult House as long as I'm being treated like royalty.

Morpheus says, "You'll get used to it. And they'll get used to you."

"When I agreed to become a deity, I didn't think it would be likethis.Do you think things will go back to the way they were before?" I ask him, as we hurry around a corner towards the dining hall, which appears to be crowded and full of energy. "Can it ever be the same?"

---