Page 36 of Fated Exile

Fifteen

Lance

After we're done with the thread experiment and have gathered the things we brought to the moon sickness compound—and the gems Delilah found inside—I take a moment to approach her and lightly touch her elbow while she's separate from the group.

"I want to talk to you about something." She glances up with a puzzled look on her face, and I feel my stomach twist and flip. "It's not about Bastian. He's one of your mates—that much is clear. And I trust you enough to believe that you've handled whatever happened to him that turned him, though I don't understand it. There's something I want to tell you before... tonight."

"Spill it." Her mouth curls up in a half smile. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it won't shock me any. You're always so straightforward and easy, Lance."

Ah. I wish she hadn't said that. It makes this next part harder, but I still have to do it. As we walk away from the others a little, standing on our own near my parked car, I screw up the courage to spit the words out. Now is the time—and it wouldn't be ethical to let her mate with me unless she knowseverything.

Even if it causes me shame.

And I run the risk that she won't want me at all once she knows.

"I have a past."

Delilah blinks at me. "Is that all? I'm aware of the fact that you existed before we met."

"I mean—in my other pack." Turning my arm, I expose the two pack runes on my wrist, which sit heavily on my dark skin. The first, closer to my hand, is faded. "I was a born member of the Dawn Pack, which is in New Mexico. That's where my family is from. But I wasn't always a very good son."

Haltingly, I tell her, "You see, my mother and father wanted a certain match for me. They'd picked a girl almost before I was born. She was the daughter of a close friend who'd saved my father during a dangerous encounter with some bigots. Whether they were anti-werewolf or racist, we never found out, but he nearly died. Darryl saved him. But when I met their daughter, Nicole, I resisted the match. I didn't want to even entertain the thought of letting her be my intended."

Reaching out, Delilah puts a slim, curved hand on my arm, and I feel the warmth of her like a spark of electricity against my skin. "That's understandable. We were all little shits when we were kids. And clearly fate was telling you something, even if you didn't understand what it was saying."

"Maybe."

Gazing into her eyes, I wonder if fate really brought me here. Some packs believe that fated mates are born under the right conditions, linked by things like the position of the stars, the phase of the moon, and sea elevation. Other packs, including Dawn Pack, believe that fate can be cajoled or even changed—which would mean that if I never wound up standing here, someone else would be in my place, maybe with the same blue mating threads.

"Is that all you wanted to tell me? That you rejected a potential mate when you were young?”

"No. If that was all, it wouldn't be that difficult to say." Taking a deep breath, I try to order my thoughts and memories into something concise and straightforward. "My parents kept pushing the match on me. They were angry that I offended the family of an old friend. So I rebelled, finding friends of my own, many of whom they didn't approve of. I joined up with a group of scattered lone wolves who lived outside our territory and hunted with them, turning my back on the pack for a time.

"At first, it was everything I wanted it to be. I was fourteen, with no mate, and I had freedom, a makeshift family, and adventure. I'd only come home occasionally, just often enough to show my parents that I wasn't dead yet, which I think just broke their hearts further. The lone wolves were almost all older, some former pack members, others born to the wild. They told me that if I joined them I never had to have a mate—never had to settle down at all if I didn't want to.

"I spent nearly a year with them." Remembering that time, I'm struck by how inconsequential it seems in the long run, even though it felt like the longest, most exhilarating year of my life. "We traveled through California, Arizona, even Mexico for a time. But although I'd run away, I kept finding myself returning home, even just for short visits. The lone wolves didn't like that. Two of the so-called leaders of our loosely formed pack, Benji and Kaity, told me that I had to prove my loyalty. They ordered me to go out on my own and kill a rival lone-wolf leader, or they wouldn't let me hunt with them anymore."

Delilah inhales sharply, her eyes wide. "Did you... do it?"

"No. Thank god." I swallow at the memory of stalking through the darkness searching for my target. "I was caught before I could even decide if I was going to go through with it. The other lone wolves found me. They were already angry at us for overlapping our hunting territory with theirs and stealing resources from them. My attack just furthered their anger.

"When I returned empty-handed, I was kicked out. So I went the only place I knew would welcome me: home. My parents were ecstatic, and even my sisters were overjoyed to see their fifteen-year-old little brother for the first time in nearly a year. I promised I wouldn't run off again, and resolved to make a match with my intended, whether I wanted her or not.

"But the lone wolf world wasn't done with me." Looking into Delilah's eyes, I try to believe that she can see past this, even though I find it hard to forgive myself for what happened next. "The rival wolf I was sent to kill, Callum, had followed me home, with three other lone wolves who had a grudge against the pack I'd run with. When they saw an opportunity, they attacked—and they didn't just come for me. My father and mother were home. They defended me, and were brutally attacked themselves.

"Though my mother came through it with only scars, my father... he didn't make it."

A wave of sadness washes over me, dulled only by the passage of several years. Delilah steps forward, and I bring my arms up and around her, gathering her against my chest. She puts her cheek against me and listens as I finish up the story.

"My sisters were never able to forgive me." Though I've looked up Tawny and Cara more than once, I've only been able to see their happy lives with mates and children from afar. They've never returned my calls, and I've given up on making them. "While my mother tried to get over it, I could see in her face every time she looked at me that she was reminded of the sorrow.

"That's why I left the pack I was born in, and joined the Glass Pack. William took me in—even though he knew I could very well bring trouble to his doorstep. He vowed to protect me, and I did my best to prove myself to him and the other members of the pack. I even settled down with a mate... though that mating of convenience ended sorrowfully in the end as well."

Vivian's face is blurry and smudgy in my memory, since we knew each other for barely six months before we were mated, and she died so soon after that. I still keep a photo of her on my living room wall, to remind myself that duty to family, blood or chosen, is more important than selfishness. She may not have been able to outlive the curse, but because of her I vowed that I'd find a way to save my new pack—and redeem myself for the family I lost.

"So that's what I had to tell you." I drop my chin to the top of Delilah's head, comforted my the circles she's drawing on my back with her hands, even though I can't see her face or sense her emotions. "And I have to admit, some part of me looks at Bastian and wonders... I get the sense that he has a past as well, one that may be like mine. It worries me that his presence among us could turn into tragedy. I don't know if I can live through another."

Pulling back, Delilah looks up into my face, her green eyes soft. "I understand that. And hedoeshave a past. But you have to know, Lance, that it wasn't your fault, just like your father's death wasn't yours. You didn'tchoosethat when you ran away. You were rebelling, and the tragedy consequences weren't anything you could've foreseen."

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