Page 33 of Mated Exile

Roarke's car pulls up to the parking lot as I'm putting the books away, next to a few potted succulents I bought to spruce up the house, and a brand new shiny faucet for the guest bathroom. His sleek, modern sedan is a muted grey color, and he parks it with care a few spots away from mine, then gets out and nods to me with his sunglasses on.

"Lilah. I hope you're well." His mouth is a pensive line, and I feel his summer-blue eyes on me through the dark tint of his sunglasses as he approaches sedately, his light brows drawn together with concern. "I know last night was... a lot."

"Understatement of the century." Locking my car, I glance up at him and frown. "Are you standing up straighter than usual? I swear you look taller all of a sudden."

"No!" He sounds scandalized, and I swear for a moment his chest puffs out with indignation as he takes a sharp breath. "I've always been this tall. Maybe you just haven't noticed."

Narrowing my eyes at him, I mutter, "You're not going to be weird about Bastian, are you? Just because you and I... kissed?"

And almost did a good bit more.

"I'm not beingweird."

"That right there wasweird."

"It's not—I'm not—" He scowls further, a rumble emanating from his chest, and I can practically sense his wolf pacing angrily. Energy skitters up my spine as he pulls his sunglasses off to look at me with those piercing blue eyes, his gaze practically ripping through me. "It just changes things, now that I know you could actually have a mate one day. It isn't easy for me, you know."

I blink at him slowly. "No. I don't know."

Blowing air out in a huff, Roarke turns his face away, the midday sun glowing in his sun-bleached blond hair. Voice rough, he says, "I know you and Kieran belong together. And I'm sure he's going to finally work himself out now that he has a chance to actually be with you. I'm happy for him—don't think that I'm not—but that doesn't change the fact that I wish it were me."

Almost as soon as he says the words he winces, like he wishes he could take them back. But I'm glad that he said them, even as my heart skips a beat and I struggle to find the words to respond to him.

Glancing at me, Roarke ruefully murmurs, "You don't have to feel bad, Delilah. We both know Kieran is probably your true mate. Those mating threads between you barely needed your wolf to be awakened for a few hours before they formed, and I have no doubt that the instant you open yourself up to him again, you'll forge the kind of bond that's legendary."

"You don't know that," I say softly, feeling wrung out and hollow inside. "Kieran is messed up. His wolf hasn't been right since his last time in the Mating Circle. Maybe... maybe he's been wounded so badly he can't even form a bond right anymore."

"He's going to get better," he says confidently, with all the love and trust of a best friend who never gave up, even in the darkest moments. "That hole in his heart is the place where you were supposed to be. Now that you're back, he's happier than I've ever seen him—one bad night, one terrible slip-up, doesn't change that. He'll fix himself to be with you."

"Kieran shouldn't get sober for me. He should do it for himself."

"What's the difference?" Roarke's lips twist, and he looks down and away, his dogged love clear even as a hint of bitterness creeps into his voice. "Everything he's ever done for himself since you two were kids, he's done for you too. He even once told me that he kept me around at first only because I made you laugh."

I inhale sharply, the unfairness of it all crashing down around me. Reaching out, I put a hand on Roarke's shoulder, and he startles, eyes widening as he looks down to see how close we suddenly are. I didn't even realize I was moving towards him until this moment, as I look up into his fathomless blue eyes.

"It isn't fair to you, Roarke," I tell him, licking my lips as I search for words. His eyes hungrily follow the motion. Feeling that blue gaze on me, I'm struck by all the memories I have of laughing in the sun, young and carefree, his lopsided grin and roguish voice always somewhere nearby. "I want to talk aboutyourfeelings. No one else's. Tellmehow you feel about me. What you would want if—if there wasn't anyone else in the picture but you and me."

His head jerks back at my words, his eyes wide like I've just slapped him. I grab onto his other arm, fingers gripping his muscles like I could possibly keep him close to me, even though he hasn't pulled away.

I'm just afraid that he will. I'm only now realizing how much I wanted to have him close again, after so many years apart. I was so wrapped up in the tragedy of the boy who broke my heart that for seven years I barely thought about the boy whodidn't.

After a long pause, Roarke simply tells me, "If there was no one else in the picture? I would give you all of me."

A shiver goes down my spine, and I'm thinking of the boy who once gripped my wrist to show me how to skip rocks, who's now turned into a man. "Do that, then."

"I can't." His voice comes out choked, and this time, hedoespull away from me. "Delilah, I would if I could, but I don'thaveall of me to give. Not anymore. It wouldn't be fair."

Bitterly, I ask, "Wouldn't be fair to who? Because if you mean—"

"Fair to you," he says simply. "It wouldn't be fair for me to try to be with you when we both know I can't give you everything. Not as long as my best friend is still suffering."

Grinding my teeth together, I manage to spit out, "Won't you even consider trying?"

"Don't you think I have?" His voice is wild, edged with sudden frustration. "It's all I think about these days, especially since I turned around and you were gone. Getting you back, Delilah—it meant everything. But we both know that whatever happens between us, it'll only be temporary. You're going to wind up with Kieran one way or another."

I jut my chin out stubbornly. "How can you be sure of that when I'm not even close to being certain of anything?"

Roarke snorts, his eyes soft at the edges but narrowed in my direction, jaw tight with tension. "Because I know all about your dalliance with Finn and your flirtations with Lance. Don't deny it."

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