Page 52 of Mated Exile

"It is. At least it felt like that's what I was doing."

"What is it like?"

"Dark. Black." I shiver. "I've felt other scars and wounds from the severed bonds, mostly when I was with Finn at the bar last night, but this was... different. It festers and grows, like it wants to consume you."

After a long moment, I open my eyes to see a frown on Kieran's face as he says, "I think that it wants to kill me."

A pit drops in my stomach. I'm about to say something when Kieran adds, his voice fierce and his eyes determined, "But I won't let it. I won't give in. No matter what it takes, I'm going to become a better man, the kind of man you deserve."

"Okay." I take a shuddering breath, turn my head just slightly, and press a kiss against his calloused palm. "I believe you."

"And I believe that you're going to break this curse." He pushes my hair back from my face and tucks it behind my ear, leaving a trail of shivers in the wake of his touch. "In fact, I brought something for you—it's out in my truck. Call it a gift, and a way of taking down two birds with one stone, because there's something... well, I'll just show you."

Curious, I follow him out to his old beat-up pickup truck. The red paint is flaked and peeling in places, and the tires need replacing, but the bed of the truck is neat and organized. He flips the tailgate open, leaps into the truck, and pulls a large cardboard box towards the edge. Then he jumps down and opens up the flaps of the box, grabbing something within and holding it up for me triumphantly.

It's a book. Tilting my head, I read the title aloud. "The Modern Witch's Guide to Spells."

"I got them from my Aunt Tabitha," he tells me, grinning. "My mom had them in her attic still, from back when Tabitha used to visit here more frequently. She said I could take them for you to borrow. There's a bunch of stuff in here—and some spell ingredients."

The wordsspell ingredientsmake me shiver, reminding me of the jars and containers on the mantel above my father's bed, full of strange liquids and dead things. But the little wooden box of stuff Kieran pulls out is nothing like that. Instead of tiny bird skulls, strange bones, or bits of flesh, he shows me a little vial of green powder, some dried herbs, and a few small stones that glimmer with friendly light. Taking them in my palm, I feel a spark of something warm in my chest, and try to swallow the queasy feelings they bring up.

Magic. The kind that lives within me, and is desperate to get out. It may be the pack's only salvation, and the best way to fix the curse that has taken so many lives, but I still can't quite get past my aversion to it.

"Thank you for this. It could help a lot." I rub my thumb over one of the smooth stones, confessing, "I still have no idea what I'm looking for, or how to find it. No one seems to know exactly what the hybrid did centuries ago to create the curse in the first place."

"About that. There are a few books in here that I think might help." Kieran sets down the smaller book and pulls out two large, thick tomes, one with a black cover, stamped in gold leaf with gold-sprayed pages, while the other is simply bound in tan leather and tied closed with a brown paper string. "They're both about curses. Aunt Tabitha said to be careful with them—apparently I'm supposed to wash my hands in clean-running river water after I touch them. She said if you read either, you should set a half hour timer to run before you open their pages, and close them as soon as the alarm rings. Apparently they're... a lot to take in."

I take a deep breath, skimming my finger across the black cover. Its gold foil words declare its title in capital letters: HEXES, JINXES, AND MALEDICTION, A SPELLCASTER'S GUIDE TO CURSES. The other has no title on its outer cover, but when I gingerly untie it and pull the leather open, a simple pencil dedication reads,This book is for those who have labored under, suffered over, and fought against curses. My research did not save me. Perhaps it will save you.

I shiver a little, and tie the cover of that one tight, then place them both back in the box. Afterwards my fingers feel numb and tingle slightly. Kieran grabs a clear plastic bottle from his truck cabin and has me hold my hands out in front of me so he can pour its contents on my skin. Chill fresh water, with a bit of algae and pond scum floating in it, washes the numb feeling away. I do the same thing to his hands, catching a glimmer of magic with my eyes.

Then our gazes meet, and I suddenly remember what he said before he led me out here. "What was the second bird?"

His brow furrows. "What?"

"You mentioned that this gift you had for me would take out two birds with one stone. The curse is the first bird, but what's the second?"

"Oh. Right." Brow clearing, he wipes his hands off on his pants and carefully dips his fingers back into the box of books, avoiding the thick curse-filled tomes. What he pulls out is a slender, glossy paperback that looks like it was printed in the last decade, the freshest book he's shown me so far. "There's a spell in here that my mother mentioned to me. I guess she was more concerned than I realized that I would turn out to be like my father. Apparently it's a spell for addicts—it turns the thing we're addicted to into a kind of... poison, almost, so that it makes us sick instead of making us feel good."

Taking the book from him, I comment, "You must feel lucky that she's still around. Given everything, I mean."

He grimaces and admits, "She's not as much a part of my life as she'd like to be, I think. I mean—Queenie took care of me most of the time, when I wasn't with my dad. My mom always wanted to spend time with my stepdad, and he never wanted me around. Still doesn't. But I'm glad she hasn't died. That's the one good thing about her keeping the mate bond to my father, even though I swear it drives her half-crazy when she feels him going on another bender."

Kieran's dad is an alcoholic, which is one reason why, I realize with a pang, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that he turned to addiction following a trauma. While his parents separated, and his mom moved to a new territory, they never severed their mate bond. That saved her life, though I remember from my childhood that she was always frustrated by how difficult it was for her to shift, because her mate was so far away from her physically.

Kieran says, "Sometimes I wished that she would just break the mate bond. I know it's taboo, but plenty of people did it, even before the curse. They'd just pay the right witch and find a new intended. But she refused, and in the end it saved her life, even though I wish she wasn't still connected to my dad."

"Have you spoken to him lately?" I ask. "The last I knew, you were still visiting him on the weekends, but you haven't gone out of town since I got here."

"My dad and I haven't spoken since I was seventeen." Kieran grimaces and shakes his head. "He fell off the wagon again. I just couldn't stand it anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." In a low voice he adds, "Maybe that's why I didn't want to admit what I've become, though. I always used to swear I wouldn't be like him. Now look at me."

His honey-warm eyes are full of misery, so I put my hand on his arm and shake my head emphatically. "Youaren'tlike him. Know how I know that? You haven't pushed everyone around you away. You've admitted what's happened to you, reached out for help, and are trying to make a change. The fact that you told me you found this spell for addiction is proof that you've turned over a new leaf."

"Yeah." Kieran smiles at me. "Now for the hard part: sticking to it."

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