Page 203 of The Reluctant Hero

“That’s right,” Dad sounds absolutely gleeful about it.

“Oh,hellno! There won’t be any secret code meetings today, assholes!”

“Times up,” Dad warns grimly. His voice turns gentle in a snap. “She was just explaining that it’s going to be a cremation, dear. She’s not even going to the funeral. I didn’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Bullshit! I see right through you both.”

“I’m three states away. You can’t see me at all,” I mutter darkly.

“You put that sass away right this second, Amanda Jane!”

“She still has the cleaver,” Dad’s tight voice makes me wince. “Distract, pumpkin.”

I freeze up, all my excuses or denials deserting me like they always do when I face my furious Mom. She would never hurt me, but she’s terrifying.

“Is she like this often?” Jake asks me in pure excitement.

The silence that follows should have crickets in it. If we needed a distraction, we have it now. I give Jake a wide-eyed look of horror and hurry to correct.

“Mom-”

“Who was that?” She demands, all her anger on the back burner for excitement to start boiling. “Are you with a man already?”

“Mom,” my tone drops into a stern warning that she ignores.

“I have the cleaver,” Dad calls out in triumph from farther away. “Great distraction!”

“I don’t know if I like this. I want you to come home, not shack up with some man inthattown. How open is he to moving? How much did he hear? Did I scare him? Tell me you don’t have me on speakerphone.”

“Donotstart,” I grit out with a glare at the innocent phone.

“You should have said something,” she bites back. “You have two matches on the app, and Mrs. Hendrix has her grandson all ready for you.”

My jaw drops at that assurance.

“What?” Dad barks out angrily. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You really set me up on adatingapp? Seriously, Mom?”

She’s oblivious to the glares that are focused on the phone. Even Jake doesn’t look happy anymore.

“I’m leaving you to your mysterious crap with your father. You leave me to mine,” she tells me in a firm tone. “If the guyyoupicked can convince me he killed Justin with his bare hands, I’ll consider him. Especially if there was torture involved. He’s starting at a low point because your taste in men is horrible. Until then, I’m rooting for BikerDaddy046.”

“Abso-fucking-lutelynot,Mom.” I can feel the heat rising in my face. I’m not sure if it’s panic, anger, or embarrassment.

“Language! You can’t let a man hear you be yourself until he’s in love with you, Amanda,” she huffs angrily. “You sound just like your father when you curse.”

I reel at that hypocrisy.

I hear my dad call in the background, “Good. Give them hell, pumpkin. Free pass for cursing and dental work. I’ll deal with Mrs. Hendrix.”

“Edward! Don’t ruin this! And stop looking, I moved the shotgun. Amanda, no knocking teeth out!”

I can hear my groan of frustration echoed by my dad.

“I need to go, Mom,” I tell her in resignation.

“You can have a period ofmourning,” she says the last word in disgust. I cover my face with a hand as I listen to the hopeful turn in her voice. “Then you can bring him around. I can’t wait to meet him.”

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