Page 110 of The Divide that Binds Us

“I can’t believe I missed Natasha getting brainwashed and losing her mind,” Clyde mumbles, not taking his eyes off the bottles.

“It was very eventful,” I reply bleakly.

We move to another aisle, shelves, and shelves of candy before us.Clyde takes his time browsing before grabbing chocolate and flavored hard candy.

“Drake told me about everything I missed, and ‘wow’ is all I’ve got, sir,” he declares.His lips set into a hard line as he finally meets my eyes.“He seems to think Elite isn’t doing anything, but you already know how I feel about those scums.”

I grip the buggy handle and grind my teeth.

“How do we explain the letter A carving in people’s hands?The letter A, for Superior’s sake, Clyde!”I whisper loudly.“Mildred said they’ll take care of her, but I need to see this through to the end.”

Clyde’s stringy black hair flops to the side, covering some of his forehead.“Do you have doubts too, sir?You need an excuse to hate that Elite chick.”

Mildred.A faint whisper slithers in my ears, but I dispel the thought.I’ve helped her as best as I could.It can’t be her.

I push the buggy, forcing him to move out of the way and finish shopping without saying a word.He grabs a box of cereal and mercilessly tosses it in with the rest of the items he grabs.The last thing he picks up is a new toothbrush and then goes to the checkout to pay.I wait but start tapping my foot and drumming my fingers on the buggy handle.

The drive back to the base is quiet and awkward.Clyde stares at his phone, doom scrolling through his missed calls and messages while I whistle to maintain my sanity.I want to say something, but I can’t recover from him calling my bluff of uncertainty.

“Maybe...maybe you’re right,” I admit, turning into Ultima’s parking lot.“Maybe I’m scared and just want to keep everyone safe, especially after what happened to Lynn.”

“Fair enough, but I’ve been hearing whispers.People are questioning why you haven’t brought new members.We barely do auditions because we count on you.”

My temples pulse from the very idea of brainwashing another victim.It doesn’t feel all that great to me now after Natasha’s change.I promised these people during my interview to double the rate of recruits, especially with my powers.How—why would I say such an absurd thing when I can’t mentally handle it after two years?

Clyde unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door.

“I don’t wanna do this anymore,” I whisper, fiddling with the keys on my lap.Clyde hangs one leg out of the car and stares at me.“I just want my mom to be safe.”

“She’s fine, sir.It sounds like Elite reacted quickly to the distress call on Topaz, as much as I hate to admit it.”

My skull just throbs thickly in a dull ache.I scramble out of the car and let the air hit my clammy face.It’s far from fresh but I don’t feel like my throat is closing in on me anymore.I pace around the parking lot with Clyde leaning against the company car, watching me.My stomach squeezes as a creeping revulsion persists.

“Sir, name five things you see right now,” Clyde calls to me.

My chest heaves as I kneel to the ground, trying to collect my thoughts.

“Um...uh...th-the ground, the car, you, and um—sky and b-building.”

“Four things you can touch.”

I reach for the ground, the hot pavement against my palm.Clyde nods when I stand up and touch my Ultima jacket.The fabric’s texture rolls off my fingers.I move over to the pin that’s transfixed into the jacket and note the warmth of the metal it’s made from.My hair droops to my face, so I reach to comb my fingers through to slick it back.My hand is steady; my breathing is softer.

I wait for Clyde’s next prompt, but he walks over instead and gives me a massive hug I’m engulfed in.I squeeze him back, taking in the support he’s trying to give but I’ve been too stubborn to accept.I feel awful that it took Cedric to mutilate Clyde’s mind for him to even be this pleasant, but man am I grateful for it right now.

“Sir, this job is tough.We’re young, and I can only imagine what it’s like being Commander under Cedric’s supervision,” Clyde muffles in my shoulder.

“Will you leave after what happened to you?”I ask.

“N-No, but I’ll be on my best behavior from now on, sir.”

I recall my first week in Ultima and meeting various members with different bits of info.Drake and Clyde came up to me with straight faces and said to not mess with Cedric.The reason the previous Commander left was because she became too ill to work.

Cedric’s power to temporarily demolish one’s psyche did a number on my predecessor.It ruined her.I guess no one ever talks about the experience, but I’ve heard his ability is to invoke a milder version of Berserk.

There’s a long line of former Commanders he’s done this to, and luckily, I haven’t been down the spiral of pain to their level.If I don’t shape up soon, I’m sure I’ll be next.

“Thanks, Clyde.I appreciate it.”I look at him with ease, but also with low-level suspicion of Mildred’s existence dripping in the back corners of my brain.

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