Page 33 of Forced Vampire Mate

Luken roughly covered the remains of the fire, smothering them. “Why are you so convinced that everything I do is a trick? I want you to be happy with me, Elara. I don’t want you to lose your sister. Why would you make love to me if you don’t trust me?”

His voice rose with frustration with every word.

“That wasn’t making love. It was just fucking,” I said, making my voice go flat.

Luken opened his mouth, but apparently couldn’t find a good way to argue because it was true. Our union had been desperate, reckless, full of primal lust. It wasn’t tender the way lovemaking ought to be.

“Are you saying you didn’t enjoy it? That you wish we hadn’t?” he asked, his voice growing deeper and gravelly.

His questions brought me up short. My chest constricted as confusion swirled through me. Neither of those things was true. Even now, when we were on the brink of another fight, I was glad we’d been intimate like that. It was what I needed at that moment, what I craved. Yes, part of it was because I knew that it helped him recover from his injury, but there was more than that. It was proof that he wanted me for more than just my blood.

“That’s not what I mean,” I mumbled, breaking eye contact. “But just because we fuck doesn’t mean that anything has changed between us. You can be hungry for my blood and body and still be mostly interested in using me as an instrument against the Gods.”

It didn’t mean he loved me or cared about me beyond what I did for him. Not the way I wanted, at least.

Luken closed his eyes, his body going very, very still.

“What do you mean?” he gritted through his teeth.

“What I mean is that I’m not going back to the palace.”

Luken nodded once. “And about us? Is what you’re saying that it’s just sex and will only be just sex between us?”

“It’s the only thing I can see between us,” I said, slumping.

If he heard the wistfulness in my voice, it didn’t change the tense way he helped himself.

I wanted to explain, and that only made me more frustrated with myself. The simple truth was I wanted far more between us, and I didn’t know how that could happen. Not without me reverting to the naïve girl I’d once been. There was only pain and disappointment in that path.

“I want you to be happy, Elara. And that means getting your sister and Thessa back,” he said finally, opening his eyes.

“But you’d kill them yourself if it meant keeping me alive and by your side,” I said.

He opened his mouth and closed it. He didn’t need to say anything for me to know I was right.

“That’s just the problem. You’re interested in me being happy on your terms. You want me happy so I don’t leave you. Not because you want me to be happy,” I said, trying to convince myself at the same time.

“You are cruel.” Luken’s words were clipped.

I clenched my fists. “Prove me wrong.”

“You won’t let me.”

“I can’t stop how much I want you. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let my hormones blind me.” I bit the tip of my tongue to stop myself from saying more. Cruel. Was I being cruel, or was he just turning this thing on its head, making it my fault?

I wished it could be as easy and simple as sexual desire. I felt him playing the bond, trying to ease it open. No. I held it tighter shut. Our bond was something I couldn’t stop, but I wasn’t letting him in so easily. Except when I thought I was going to die, apparently.

A bitter laugh burst from my throat. “On the bright side, we’re sure to end up in life-and-death situations as we continue.”

“That’s a bright side?” Luken snarled.

I shrugged listlessly. “It seems like we only come together when one of us is dying. Maybe we’ll be lucky next time and won’t start fighting afterward.”

He stood and grabbed his sword. “I’m going to check around the barrier and see if there’s any evidence of anyone else around. Stay in here this time. And don’t worry. I won’t make the mistake of trying to connect again.”

He stalked out of the boulders without a word. I scrambled to my feet, fully prepared to argue, but I stopped myself. There wasn’t anything he could do to convince me otherwise, and if we kept talking, I’d only say more hurtful things. Honest things, at least from my perspective, but hurtful all the same. Just outside the camp, he looked back. This time, I prodded our bond. This time, he was the one who put a wall of steel between us, leaving me nothing with his burning gaze.

And in that gaze, anger and hate.

---