Page 51 of Unconditional

I was gearing up to go on a run, desperate to burn off some excess energy when I ran face first into Milo in the hallway.“Same old Talon.You’ve never been able to let go of your precious habits.Morning run?”

I grunted, trying to move past him.Our combined width did not allow us to stand shoulder to shoulder in the small hall.All it took was one small step and he was blocking my path.“Great,” he said, that stupid fucking smirk growing into a grin.“I’ll join you.I could use the stretch.”

We made our way out to the front porch, both choosing to forgo coats, running the first five minutes down his incredibly long driveway in silence.I had to admit that the location he’d chosen to settle was exceptional.Though there was a bite in the winter air, it wasn’t so bad that I wanted to turn around and go back.It had a crisp freshness to it that enhanced the run instead of making it unbearable.

The sound of the wind rustling the branches of the snow drooped trees and a woodpecker somewhere in the distance was all that could be heard over the rhythm of our breathing.Running with him took me back to memories of a sixteen year old Milo, joining me every morning—doing anything to get out of the house and away from Kyle, who was likely still drunk or high, stumbling around the house in his stupor.

I was happy then to give Milo some reprieve from it all.Let him pretend for an hour that he wasn’t a drug dealer and his parents weren’t dead and the man who was raising him wasn’t some junkie.I was still so naive back then.Trying to shelter him even when he was already waist deep in the bullshit.

Coming to a sudden stop, I bent down, placing my hands on my knees and drawing in sharp breaths.The air had gone from refreshing to suffocating in the span of mere minutes.

“Getting too much for you, old man?”Milo laughed, jogging back to where I stood.

Flipping him off, I attempted to shake off the uprising emotions that were sweeping over me.My efforts were unsuccessful.Guilt, shame, and a deep, pressing sense of sadness had my throat closing up.All things I’d swallowed down foryears, bubbling up to the surface all at once.

Seeming to have sensed my distress, Milo’s eyes turned in.“Hey, you all right man?”

It was too much.Too heavy.

“I-I tried.”I gasped out, my lungs burning.I couldn’t breathe.Why couldn’t I breathe?My heart was beating a mile a minute, like it was trying to escape from my body.Vertigo nearly sent me to the ground.I tried fruitlessly to start counting in my head—one, two, three, four…one, two, three…

“Tried what?”Milo approached slowly, patting a cautious hand to my back.“Hey, c’mon, breathe.”The amount of panic in his voice leveled me enough that I was able to blurt out the thoughts and regrets clawing through my mind.

“When Mom and Dad died.Itried, Lo.I tried to get us out of there.I wrote to CPS, I called the cops, I went to the fucking police station.Counselors at school, the principal.Nobody believed me.They thought I was making up stories because I was grieving or whatever the fuck.

“I tried to look out for you, I swear I did.I didn’t just give up.I guess I—I’m sorry.I’m sorry you had to be raised by Kyle.I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.I’m sorry I couldn’t be a dad to Leo.I’m sorry I got his mom and him involved.I’m sorry I dragged Misely into it.I’m sorry I’m here, fucking up your first fucking chance at normal.I tried.I tried.Itried.”

I don’t know when the tears started, but I was on my knees, snow soaking through my sweatpants, and sobbing.I couldn’t remember a time in my life where I’d been reduced into such a mess.Not since Mom and Dad, but even then it had mostly been anger that they were gone.An anger that had been my constant companion ever since, that Kyle molded and weaponized to his advantage.This feeling was more like a deep well of agony that had been growing with every passing year, sending me into a darkness I didn’t know how to crawl out of.

But then Milo dropped down next to me, his hand still between my shoulder blades.He worked his way around until he was in front of me, placing both palms on my shoulders.

“Iknow, Tal.”

I sniffled, fighting back embarrassment for looking so fucking weak in front of him.“What?”

“I know you tried.Maybe not about what you did to get us out of there, but I know you did your best to look out for me.”

Searching his eyes, hazel like Mom's, I saw nothing but sincerity.“I could’ve done more.About Kyle.And Bri.”

He tilted his head and raised a brow a smidge.“Bri is a whole other monster, but part of me doesn’t blame her for it.There’s more going on there.And what could you do about Kyle that you hadn’t already tried?”

“Something.Anything.”

“You did.”

I blinked, not understanding.“What do you mean?”

His infuriating smirk returned.“I know I gave you shit last night.Rightfully so—I’m pissed you’re here.Or at least, pissed you came to try to get me to go back.But…I took the night to think and I guess I realized that if you had wanted to, you would’ve found me much faster than you did.”

“You didn’t exactly make it easy.Witness protection?”

He shrugged.“Still.You chose not to find me.”

I didn’t say anything.Because of course he was right.

“I always wanted you to have a normal life.”The panic attack had begun to subside, my heart rate slowly going back to normal.Forcing myself to take a few more deep, stabilizing breaths, I stood and offered a hand to my brother.“But when Kyle brought Leo into it…He is just a kid, Lo.Just an innocent little kid.”

When we were both standing again, he slapped a hand on my shoulder.“I know.We will figure it all out.And for the record, Idohave a normal life now, for the most part.Wish I didn’t have a fake name, but things are good.I love it here.I love my wife.”

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