Page 32 of Tides That Bind

“I wanted to get your opinion on something in particular and ask how I should handle it.”

“What’s that?” Margot asks.

Looking at the surfboard, I frown. “He’s afraid of the water,” I say before looking up. “My husband…Nate drowned. And Lucas, he’s always been happiest at the beach. He’s a strong swimmer. He was so excited to learn to surf this year. His dad was going to teach him and…I always wanted to wait, you know? I was scared he was too little, too small. And I made him wait and…”

And I hate myself. I hate that I never let the two of them have that moment, I want to scream, but no more words come out, only silent tears.

Margot hands me a tissue. “It’s not an abnormal response for Lucas to be afraid of the thing that took his father’s life. I usually suggest to parents to try to take up a hobby to help memorialize their lost one. An example would be starting a small garden because their grandmother loved her rose bushes. Maybe there’s something your husband loved you can dotogetherso he feels safe. And if surfing was a huge part of his life, Lucas might feel differently seeing you take it up, seeing you in the water safely having fun.”

I look at the sketch of Riley holding the surfboard.

“It’s only something to think about,” Margot says. “Lucas might gravitate toward your dog so much because he was such a part of your husband’s life. And he’s already something safe. For him, water or surfing might be something his dad loved, but it’s no longer safe. That doesn’t mean it will be forever. We can work on it gently.”

I nod and sigh, stacking the papers. “Can I take these?”

“Of course.”

I leave the counselor’s office with the papers pressed againstmy chest and keep looking at them on my passenger seat as I drive home.

“Lucas, keep it in the fence, please!”

I look around at the other four-legged patrons. I know it’s only our dog that will be the one to hop over the fence like he’s chasing a suspect and not a tennis ball.

I startle when a voice approaches.

“You’ve got a beautiful dog.” Looking up, I find a man to my right. “German Shepard?”

“Thank you. Yes.” I offer a simple smile, the kind you’d give to a stranger you’re passing on the street. It takes more effort than necessary.

“Always wanted one of those. I hear they’re a lot of work though.”

I let out a little laugh. “You have no idea. Is this yours?” I look down at the very round heavily-breathing bulldog sitting at the man’s feet.

“Yes.” He takes a seat at the other side of the bench but before he’s interrupted by Tides who sprints across the park, stopping to sit between us.

I reach out, patting his head to let him know it’s okay. The man looks skeptical even though Tides lets out a groan when I scratch the base of his ear.

“Don’t be fooled. He hides under the bed during thunder storms.”

The man laughs and holds out his hand so Tides can sniff it.

“I’m Ben. This is Axel.” Ben motions to the bulldog who doesn’t seem to care about Tides in the least since he has begun snoring.

“This is Tides. I’m Harper.” I look up, seeing Lucas running. “My son, Lucas.”

“Tides,” Lucas calls. “Tides, come.”

“You’ve got a pretty cool dog. I’ve only seen ones like him in the movies.”

Lucas reaches for his water bottle, his red cheeks expanding as he chugs from it. “Does yours like to play frisbee?” Lucas points at the plastic disc on Ben’s lap.

“Axel likes eating and sleeping.” Ben hands Lucas the frisbee. “I bet Tides might get better use out of it.”

“What do you say?” I remind Lucas when he takes the frisbee.

“Thank you,” he calls over his shoulder as he scampers away, Tides skipping in tow.

Reaching down, Ben gives Axel a rub. “He’s what? Nine?”

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