Page 16 of Tides That Bind

Something warm and wet slides down my face and it has to be sweat, because I’m overheating down here in this dark, frozen tundra. I’m burning with rage and determination. I’m getting him out of this car, no matter what.

Nate grabs my hand and I don’t know who is shaking more.

“Riley...”

I rip my hand away.

“Your wife is expecting flowers tomorrow. She’s expectingyouto bring her flowers tomorrow. Just like she does every fucking week.” My voice cracks when I add, “And you’re going to do it.”

“Riley, will you—“

“Stop it.”

I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Harper, she’s stubborn,” Nate says, “And she’s going to think she doesn’t need anybody—”

“Shut up. Shut up and help me cut you loose.”

Nate does stop talking but now I realized it was a mistake—an awful thing to say. Because when I don’t hear his words, I hear his faint, wheezy breathing and I hate that I know what dying sounds like.

Now I just want him tokeeptalking.

“Harper, she’s a major pain in the ass,” I tell Nate. “I don’t know how you put up with her, man. She’s bossy and a know-it-all and—”

“She’s usually right.” Nate gives a weak laugh. “Don’t tell her I said that, though.”

I grab his arm beneath the water that now reaches the lower part of our chests. “You’re going to tell her yourself.”

Nate’s lips, pressed together, begin to quake, but he keeps it at bay.

“Can’t trust her alone with Lucas. He’ll be too high strung if she’s the only one to raise him.” I don’t even care if Nate doesn’t think I’m joking. I don’t even know if I’m joking. I just need him to listen, to focus on the fact he’s the one with a family who needs him.

No one in this world needs me anywhere close to how Lucas and Harper need Nate.

My entire body shakes, but the worst is my hand which Nate holds with whatever strength is left. It’s waning, seeping out into the water, the thing that’s threatening to claim his life as it almost did mine on the day we met over twenty years ago.

I’m punched in the gut by the memory, overwhelmed by how much I wish I could change it. I wish Nate let me drown that day so we would never have the chance to be friends. I wish I died when we were both kids, so I’d never have the honor of watching Nate grow into the better man, the ultimate father, everyone’s hero.

I wish it was me. It should be me.

“You make sure Lucas knows how lucky he is that Harper… that she’s his mom. Tell him he’s gotta try to be brave for her. He just has to try…”

Nate’s voice cracks and it’s so powerful I know that whole sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me thing really is all bullshit we tell kids so they toughen up.

These words—Nate’s words—how he says his son’s and wife’s names in a way he thinks it’s going to be the last time…fuck broken bones. They can be fixed. What his words do to my heart I’ll never recover from.

I’ll never forgive the bastard.

“You gotta take care of my family. Promise me.”

I can’t even see Nate’s face because I’m crying hard. “Stop talking like you think I’m leaving you to die in this car. You have a wife. You’ve got a kid.”

That’s all I have, even though they’re not mine. That’s all I see—Harper and Lucas's faces, theirdistraughtfaces.

“They’ll be alright because they have you. I know you’ll make sure they’re always okay.”

I curse in protest and tuck the flashlight between my neck and shoulder so my free hands can yank Nate by the waist.

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