Page 117 of Tides That Bind

My stomach twists, but I push through it, talking myself up as I wipe my face with the back of my hand. “I’m happy for them.”

I know I must not look happy right now. Because the pity on Riley’s face is evident even before he’s hopped out of his Jeep he just pulled up in.

“You said you had to go to work.” I lean forward, swiping at my cheeks as discreetly as possible.

“I also told you I’d see you in a bit after you told me you were okay.” Riley sits next to me. “Are you done pretending you’re not crying yet?”

I use my thumbs to gently clear the space beneath my eyes.

It’s just too much.

Tears fall and momentarily stain the steps of the home that once housed everything I ever dreamed of and more. Now, the emptiness, the absence of Tides, of Lucas—even temporarily—makes it feels more like a burden than a blessing, a tease of everything I once found and lost.

“No.”

Riley sighs, wrapping an arm around me. “Do yourself a favor and don’t ever take up poker. I waited down the street until they left to make sure how okay you are.”

“You didn’t have to do that. I’m just…”

Sad. Confused. Worried.

I want to scoot away from Riley. But nothing lets me—not my very heavy heart or racing mind. I lighten and calm beneath histouch. In his gentle, reassuring presence I’m able to push the second thoughts aside for just a minute, even though the tears don’t stop flowing. They simply flow differently with him here.

When Riley brushes his hand up and down my arm, I realize that I’m not alone and maybe I do have themorepart of my dreams after all. It was just lurking on the side ready to take up the role when the time was right.

Maybe, like it or not, Riley is themorepart and always has been.

But what steals my breath and fills me with unease isn’t that realization. It’s that people might think I’ve really known it all along.

THEN

“Why are we going this way?”Harper asks, concerned. “The hospital is in the other direction.”

I make a right, instead of a left like she wants me to. “I guess you don’t have to worry about mudslides in North Carolina,” I tell her. “You do here. We need to take the bridge over the bay.”

With the heavy rain, the visibility is zero, so it’s not just mudslides I have to worry about. I just have to not kill us by any means.

“Mudslides. Great,” Harper mumbles, leaning her head against the window. “Add another thing to the list.”

“What list?”

She shifts in her seat, clearly uncomfortable. “The reasons I hate California list.”

The way Harper rubs her stomach makes me grip the steering wheel harder. I’ve got to kick these nerves. I try to ignore it, to convince myself the two of us aren’t on the way to the hospital. We’re just taking a drive for the fun of it.

Harper hisses beside me and my nerves kick up again. I keep the conversation on anything but our situation and follow her. “Who hatesCalifornia? Especially Southern California. You live three minutes from the beach. You have sunshine 365 days a year.”

Harper turns her head to me.

I look at the white-washed windshield. “Alright, 362 days out of the year. If you hate living here, you’re nuts. It’s paradise.”

“For you maybe. I guess you can’t complain if you love surfing.”

“For Nate too,” I add. “You’d have to drag him from this place kicking and screaming. He hated being stationed in North Carolina.”

I remember the day he got his transfer orders from the base at 28 Palms. It wasn’t a happy one. For him, or for me.

Harper stays quiet for a minute before speaking. “We’ll see. We won’t make any decisions until after the baby comes.” She sighs. “I guess I thought I had more time for that.”

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