Page 53 of Tides That Bind

I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. His friend’s house is on my way home. I…I meant to tell you yesterday.”

Our eyes meet after I stop speaking, and I wait for a soft, small apology to flow out of Riley’s mauvy lips. Before me, they open and close, like hewantsto. But he just nods. “It’s alright. I’ve…got work this afternoon.”

The mention of work makes me think I should bring up moving his surfboards, but I know that will lead to a fight. The air between us is thick, even though it’s a cool morning, packed with all the words we’re tiptoeing around.

Riley reaches to take one of Lucas's skates. “Let me help you.”

I refuse immediately. “I’ve got it.”

“Harper.”

A few steps away, I continue toward the house. I have to dip my chin to keep the helmet from falling off the pile, but my pride won’t let me turn around and accept this help from Riley.

I need something more. Lucas needs something more.

Back in the house, I kick the door shut, finding Lucas, finishing off the left over milk straight from the bowl.

“Brush your teeth and get dressed,” I tell him, plopping the skating gear down on a kitchen table. I nearly trip over Tides who comes to inspect the contents I brought in as I head into the mudroom in search of a tote bag for Lucas to use. Grabbing a canvas bag, I’m shutting the cabinet when the backdoor opens, and in stomps Riley.

We both pause, staring. For a second, I think here comes the apology, or at the very least, an acknowledgment that he was being an asshole.

But all Riley does is hold out one of Lucas's wrist guards I seemed to have dropped and toss it at me.

Much to Lucas's dismay, I’ve dropped him off at school in my pajamas so I run home to change and pack some lunch before I head to the studio. I’m relieved to find the driveway empty because at least I know for a minute I won’t have to see Riley.

I’m upstairs in my room, snapping my sports bra in place when Tides, resting on the dog bed he never sleeps on anymore, lifts his head and charges out of the room. By the time he’s downstairs, the doorbell rings.

I pad down the stairs, peeking through the curtain draped over one window flanking the front door.

I immediately shut it.

The last time Silas showed up at my door unannounced, he was with the police Chaplain. His voice from that night echoes in my mind.

“There’s been an accident.”

They hadn’t even recovered Nate’s body by that point.

Silas knocks. “Harper?”

I try to hold my racing breath so I can listen for more movement, for another voice.

Nate’s already dead,I remind myself.You were just at the school. This is a courtesy visit—acasserolevisit.

“Harper? Can you open the door, please?”

I don’t want to, just like I didn’t want to that night.

Tides rubs against my leg and under normal circumstances I’d be annoyed that I have to use the lint brush on the leggings I just put on, but right now, I’m grateful.

“Harper?”

Stop being ridiculous,I tell myself, trying to ignore the pit in my stomach the way I ignored Silas’s calls. He’s doing what Nate would do if the situations were reversed. It’s a part of a code of duty.

I open the door. The sight of the familiar uniform stings and I wonder if it’ll ever stop.

Silas bends down, rubbing Tides. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

“I’m sorry…I’ve been so busy with Lucas and work and…” I stop myself because I don’t want to explain that it’s just too hard to see Silas, or any of Nate’s former colleagues. “You actually caught me on my way out though. I’ve got a class soon. Do you want to pass by this weekend?”

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