Page 45 of Tides That Bind

No husband smoothing back my hair telling me everything will be fine even if he isn’t totally convinced.

I lower my head and start to cry. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This isn’t how a family starts.

But my head flings up when the backdoor opens and shuts and I’m showered in relief when I hear Riley’s quick footsteps as he takes the stairs two by two.

It feelsstrange to re-familiarize yourself with things you thought you lost and would never have again. A week ago, when I woke up the day after the incident at the dog park and saw Riley’s Jeep parked at the end of the driveway, I froze. Once again, my mind began to race, leaving me wondering if when I opened my eyes that morning I finally woke up out of the nightmare. Maybe Nate didn’t die. Maybe there was no accident.

But when I raised my arm to shift the curtains more, the bandage pulled at my sensitive skin. And I remembered.

Nate died.

Riley left.

And while Nate could never come back, Riley did.

I still jump occasionally late at night if I hear the backdoor open and noises coming from the kitchen. I still do a double take every time I see a towel of his draped over the railing outside his apartment to dry in the sun. And I definitely still look at Riley sideways when he offers tohelp.

I haven’t taken the trash out.

I didn’t need to drop Lucas at school early on Monday, meaning I didn’t have to rush to the studio after for my class.

And now, it’s clear to Riley that I’m looking at him sideways again when he enters the kitchen through the backdoor. I can’t quite decide if the look on my face stems from how Riley’s dressed—in slate grey jeans and a white Henley—or the fact that he’s dressed in real clothes at all.

“What?” he asks, stepping around me to get a glass from the cabinet.

My eyes follow his trail, landing on the microwave’s digital clock. Maybe that’s it. I’m staring at Riley in disbelief because he’searly.

“Do you want coffee?”

Riley shakes his head. “I’m good. Just had to grab something."

“It’s early,” I tell him. There’s nearly an hour until he has to be at school which is less than ten minutes away.

I rinse out my mug and place it in the dishwasher when Riley steps back into the mudroom, returning with Tides’s leash.

“What are you—”

“Just borrowing him for a bit.” Riley clicks his tongue, calling Tides and clips on his leash. “We’ll see you later.”

Later?

I push off the counter and follow Riley onto the back porch. He’s heading to his Jeep, one of his surfboards sticking out from the backseat.

Riley opens the door, sliding the front seat so Tides can jump in.

“Do you want me to come?”

Riley puts his hands on his hips defensively. “To career day? Why?”

I’m actually notsurewhy. If Nate were leading this, I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

“I already got a sub for my classes,” I offer. “I don’t have anything going on this morning.”

There’s a million things I could busy myself with before I teach later today.

“Are you saying you want to come and babysit me?”

I shake my head and wave him off. “No, of course not. Go.”

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