Page 30 of Tides That Bind

When Riley pushes off the back door of the Jeep I instinctively reach out but stop myself from touching him, my eyes landing on the hand that I know from Caroline was so damaged it needed surgery to fully heal.

But I wonder if it’s possible to ever heal what Riley left in the car that night.

Riley fumbles with his keys and drops them. I’m quick to retrieve them before he does.

“That’s it?” I ask. “You pack your stuff and disappear at night?”

Riley turns his head away toward the light coming from the garage and I see the strained stoicism on his face, the way his lips have disappeared into a thin line. Even when we’ve fought like cats and dogs, I’ve never seen this kind of expression on Riley’s face.

His ambivalence makes me see red.

“You havenothingto say to me?”

The continued silence leaves me fuming.

“Not…I’m sorry your husband died, Harper? Do you and your son need anything?”

Riley snaps his head back at me, but remains quiet.

I laugh to myself. “I’m not sure why I’d expect anything different when you’ve set the bar at the ground already. Go ahead, Riley. I’ve been waiting for this moment since we met.”

I slam the keys against his chest, not caring that he winces and cowers from the impact. In fact, it makes me feel good. It’s not that Riley’s pain brings me joy. It’s that I’m able to draw even the smallest reaction from him, relief that he feelssomething.

But what difference does Riley saying anything now make? There’s nothing anyone can say—let alone Riley—that makes me feel better. No song sung can soothe how intensely my heart aches, how my trembling arms are desperate to wrap around my husband’s warm middle. I’ll never stop missing the rumble of laughter that always began deep in Nate’s chest before loudly breaking free from his mouth, even when the joke wasn’t that funny. There’s no prayer, noOur Fatheror desperate ask for just one small miracle that can give me what I want—my family whole and complete.

I give up and step back. But somehow Riley always makes the situation worse.

“Nothank you, Riley, for taking out my trash?”

I’ve never hit anyone in my life, but right now, I’m consideringit. That is, until the sound of four paws quickly bouncing on the back porch make me turn.

Lucas rubs his face. “Mommy?” The initial grogginess of Lucas's voice changes into an alert, light, and happy tune. And out it comes, a sweet gasp that captures the wonderful, magical innocence of childhood. As if a superhero appears before Lucas's eyes, he runs.

“Riley!”

I peer back at Riley who ducks his head and slips into the car, and I need to intercept and scoop Lucas up when he comes charging toward the driveway.

“You have to go back to sleep.” The engine starts behind us, I make my way to the house, whistling at Tides who paces the back lawn in curiosity. “It’s really late.”

Lucas doesn’t resist my hold but pushes against my chest, stretching his neck. “Where’s Riley going?”

Even though Riley made it out of the car that night, Lucas really lost two of the most important people in his life at the bottom of the bay.

“We’ll talk—”

“Lucas.”

I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of Riley’s voice and make no effort to turn and look at him when he finally does say something.

“I’ll see you around, kid.”

It’s nothing more than a promise he never intends to keep. The easiness of the lie coming from his lips—a lie to Lucas of all people—makes me nauseous.

“Be good for your mom,” Riley adds before he drives off.

“Mommy?”

“Shh,” I mutter into Lucas's hair. “You have to sleep.”

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