Page 27 of Tides That Bind

“Leave me alone.”

My struggle against him is of little use, but I don’t stop, not even when my body grows impossibly heavy. I won’t give up trying to break free. I shove at his chest. “Get out of here. Don’t make me kill another friend, Finn.”

It’s Finn who stops struggling. He lets go of me, but doesn’t move away and continues to tread, my now soggy cast barely knocking into him. “You didn’t kill Nate, Riley.”

“I didn’t save him.”

“That’s not the same thing, man.” He shakes his head to clear the blond hair that has matted to his forehead. “Not even close.”

But what difference do the means matter when the end is the same?

“I left him. I left him todie.”

“Riley.” Finn reaches out, looping an arm around my side. I have to stop struggling now because I’m so fucking tired. “He was already gone, man. There’s no…it doesn’t mean you have to die right now. I won’t let you.”

He begins to swim, and I let him and the tide take me to shore.

“Riley?” Finn sighs, moving to stand between me and the water, like he doesn’t trust me.

To put him at ease, I sink down into the sand.

Finn squats beside me. “He wouldn’t want this, Riley. You know that. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You have to come home.”

Finn’s words sting because I know they’re true. But I also know what Nate wants from me. And I can’t give it to him.

You gotta look out for my family, man.

I pull my knees to my chest. “I can’t give him what he wants.”

“What do you mean?”

You gotta look out for my family, man.

My chest feels tight. “I can’t go home.”

Finn sighs and stands. “Yes you can.”

When I look up, I see his hand.

“I’ll take you. Come on.”

The home Finn takes me to is his and my sister’s condo where I take my first indoor shower in what feels like forever and promptly pass out in their guest room for what ends up being the entire day. By the time I emerge, it’s dark outside.

“Hey,” Caroline says. She’s sitting on the couch beside Finn, typing on her laptop. “We didn’t want to wake you, but I left you a plate. I can heat it up.”

I walk over to the breakfast bar, lifting the aluminum foil. “No thanks.”

“Don’t worry, Riley. I made it, not her.”

Caroline rolls her eyes and gets off the couch. “Do you want a sandwich?”

I shake my head, opening the fridge and pulling out the bottle of orange juice that’s about a quarter fill. I decline the glass she offers me and bring the bottle to my lips.

“I…” Caroline begins, watching me guzzle down the remaining juice. “I did your laundry, but it’s not much.”

Lowering the empty bottle, I put the cap back on. “I don’t have much.”

Caroline hands me a hair tie from her wrist when she sees me swat at the hair hanging in my face. “It’s a bunch of swimsuits. You can stay here, but you need some clothes. Do you want me to go get them?”

---