Page 140 of Tides That Bind

“So was I,” Claire says somberly and I can’t help but reach out and take her hand, giving it a squeeze.

I clear my throat. “Can I force you to stay for a little bit? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Watching Claire’s face, I see the strokes of confusion that paint it and I almost want to take back my offer, but then she reaches behind her and closes the door and follows me into the kitchen.

“Lemonade?”

“Water would be fine. Thank you.”

I fill a clean glass with filtered water and set it on the table, where I expect to find Claire. But she’s at the sink, looking out at the backyard—at Lucas and Riley.

“He loved that boy,” she says softly. It’s impossible to ignore the sweet sadness and longing that laces her voice.

“I know he would’ve been so happy Lucas went with you. Nate always—”

“I meant Riley.” Claire clarifies. “Of course Nate loved Lucas. But I meant, he loved Riley too. Differently, of course.”

My breath hitches in the back of my throat and I have to sit down.

“Are you alright?” Claire asks. She picks up the glass of water and puts it in front of me. “Harper?”

I guzzle the cool water down, and it's only when I place the glass on the table I realize my hand is shaking. I quickly move to bring it down to my lap, but Claire grasps it, holding it on the table.

“Harper, what’s going on?”

My eyes drift over to the fridge, to the photos. There it is.

Everything I wanted—Nate and Lucas and the home.

And more—Riley.

I clear my throat, trying to banish the emotion that has balled up deep within it. “I’m…I wanted you to know before anyone else…I’m seeing someone. Maybe it’s too soon, maybe you think I should wait but… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain that to you or anyone. I wish I could, so maybe you might think it makes sense and—”

“Harper,” Claire speaks over my blabbering. “Are you happy?”

I don’t hesitate. I nod.

“Nate would want you to behappy…” Claire’s voice cracks. “He loved you too much to ever want you to settle for anything less than that.”

Through my tears, I see the soft smile on her face. But I canalso tell there’s sadness there too. And I can’t help but feel her pain along with the happiness. Because it feels like I’m really closing a chapter for her.

With my free hand, I pull a napkin from the holder in the middle of the table and wipe my face. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”

Claire’s eyes drift back to the fridge. “Nate’s father died almost twenty years ago. And sometimes, it’s as fresh as day one. Other times, missing him is a comfort. I…I never was lucky enough to find someone. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t because it waswrong.I just…never found the right one who could love a widow who won’t ever stop loving her husband.”

But Riley understands this, of this I’m sure. And, in the big picture, nothing has been quick and easy. It’s been long, and sometimes painful. It’s been ugly at times. But the beauty of it? The best bits came quick and without warning, like nearby lightening with no thunder—something fast and seemingly impossible. But in our new world, the one neither of us ever could’ve imagined living in without Nate, we are what the other needs.

I take a shaky breath. “There’s more, I…”

Maybe this is where I take things too far. Maybe this is where I deliver hurt to Claire, make her think that there was hidden betrayal in my marriage.

But when I hear Lucas and Riley cackle in laughter from the backyard and both of our heads turn at the sound, I don’t want to keep it to myself. I opened the topic with Claire out of respect. But I want to close it fully.

“It’s Riley.”

Claire turns back to face me. “I had a feeling,” she whispers, reaching across the table and pulling a napkin from the holder, handing it to me.

I stare at the napkin. “I need you to believe me that itonlyhappened after Nate died. I’d never…” I shake my head at the thought. “I’d never be unfaithful—”

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