Page 125 of Tides That Bind

“That must mean,” she pushes out through a small sob, “that I’m thankful he’s gone, right? And that makes me the world’s worst person, doesn’t it?”

I shake my head immediately.

“No. God, no. It doesn’t mean that.” I dip slightly, so I can be closer to her eye level. “Of course you’re not happy he’s gone. That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy I’mstillhere.”

The short, shaky breaths that battle to free themselves from Harper’s throat, and the way her hands ball into small fists at her side let me know Harper using everything within her to hold back.

“You know, when I came home I was dead set on pulling back entirely. I wish I was strong enough to just leave you to figure it out. But I can’t. Don’t fight this,” I plead. “We need each other.”

“Don’t ignore how we wouldn’t need each other at all if he was still alive,” Harper spits back, gasping when I cup her shoulders because she couldn’t be more wrong about anything in her entire life. We did need each other back then. Wehadeach other back then. It was justdifferent.

“You think Iignorethat? Why? Just because we put it all out on the table and decided we’re worth fighting for, I’m what, over it? I’ll never be the same after losing Nate. Ever. But I’mstill here. You’re here.We’realive.Youand me, Harper. And me, right now? I need you to keep breathing.”

I hate that she trembles under my touch even though I know it’s not from fear, not from me at least. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to not stop it, to soothe her soul from inside out, to reassure her with every part of my body—including my heart—that what we’re doing is okay, that we’re okay together.

“Harper…”

When she shakes her head, I tilt my head to the side to hide my grimace and move away toward the stairs.

Maybe this is my penance for letting Nate die, for looking at Harper as the furthest thing from his wife. Maybe I have to get used to being the man who hugs her without holding her, who cares about her without loving her. But I don’t want that. As much as I don’t want tobethe consolation prize, I also don’t want to have to settle for receiving it either.

“Riley.”

It’s me who squeezes my eyes shut now because Harper’s voice, the way she says my name like it’s the final word of a prayer is too damn much. I’m determined to take two steps at a time on my retreat, but Harper grabs my arm, using all her weight to turn me, crashing—and crushing—her body into me.

When her hands land on my face, fingers scratching at mybeard, I swear, someone could break every bone in my body to free me from her and I’d keep holding on even in this unbalanced position.

And like how we are on the board together, when, more often than not, it seems impossible for me to hold her, right now I do.

Maybe we’re the magic after all.

It’shard to believe I once thought there wasn’t enough of my heart and body left to give to someone else.

But Riley is resourceful.

Whatever remains of me is enough for him to work with. Or maybe, I haven’t lost myself. I’ve just buried parts of me along the way to protect them.

And god, does Riley know where to find the treasure.

On the stairs I’m gluttonous for him more now even after our first kiss when I almost gave in, when I was desperate to feel this way—wanted, desired, and even loved.

Somehow, Riley manages to get us up the stairs. When I slam against the door, the wind is knocked out of me, but the rushed breaths, the sweeps of his tongue that Riley feeds into my mouth is the sweetest resuscitation. I slip, sliding down but what keeps me from falling further is his hard length, straining in his pants. I’m angered, frustrated by the hand he uses to open the door, frantic for him to return it to my body.

“Stay, stay,” I whine as he laps at my neck. “Right here.”

“I won’t be nice here.” He bites at my ear. “Here, I’ll go so hard, we’ll splinter thewood.”

I bite my lip.

“I need to see you.” Riley shakes his head into the crook of my neck before he drags his nose slowly up the column, inhaling as he goes. His voice changes, making it grow deeper, huskier.

“Every.”

He circles his hips.

“Fucking.”

Another circle.

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