Page 122 of Tides That Bind

“What are you doing?”

“You deserve to be celebrated properly.” She leans forward, as if she’s telling me a secret, but with all the commotion around us, we’re the only ones likely to hear it even if she spoke at a normal tone.

“You did yesterday. You do today. And no matter what happens…”

Harper trails off, smiling, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. What it does is punch me in the gut because I feel like she’s not just talking about the case.

She clears her throat. “I want you to know you deserve to be celebrated tomorrow and after too.”

I’ve been cuttingand plating cake for the last twenty minutes. I’ve finished my bourbon, perhaps to help dull my embarrassment or attempt to dull my senses at large so I don’t read too much into Harper no longer at my side. As quickly as she revealed this surprise to celebrateme,she removed herself from it, disappearing and leaving her hat on the table.

I should be happy at the thoughtfulness of tonight, even if it came with embarrassment and included party hats. But standing at the table without her, makes all of it seem surface level.

“Take this.” I hand Finn the knife and push the stack of paper plates over to him.

He looks at me questioningly for a minute before his eyes sweep around the table. The fact he doesn’t ask me anything after doing so makes him a good friend.

I take Harper’s hat and make my way through the crowds, smiling fakely like I’m some politician at a campaign rally who will do and say anything in the moment to win over the people.

But I’m only interested in one in particular. And with Harper, I don’t know what to do or say to win her heart because she’s been avoiding me.

I slip out onto the front patio. It’s chilly, soapart from a few stragglers, the space is relatively empty, which makes it easy to spot Harper at a high-top table to my left.

“Not fair.” I point to my hat, the elastic digging into my chin, and set hers on the table. “If I have to wear one, so do you.”

Harper looks at the cardboard cone I set in front of her, but instead of stick it onto her head, reaches and takes mine off.

I won’t lie, it kind of irks me. But not as much as watching her fold her arms across her chest, her fingertips rubbing the chilled skin peeking out from beneath the sleeves of her t-shirt. I quickly unzip my hoodie, shrugging it off and step behind the stool she sits on, waiting for her to lower her arms.

It takes five seconds, but Harper finally does. She slides into the hoodie and I watch from behind as she snuggles into it, her body relaxing, like she’s receiving a hug from me.

I’mdesperateto give her a real one.

Stepping back around, I let my hand linger on her back. “Thank you for the cake.”

I wonder if I’ve taken it too far when she doesn’t respond.

I clear my throat. “I know the hats and plates don’t match, and that the sign was backwards and wouldn’t stay up, but this is the best party you’ve ever thrown. You should believe me. I’ve been to all the others.”

That last one should’ve at least pulled a tiny chuckle from Harper, but nothing. Out of her mouth comes only silence.

And I’vehadit. If this were any other woman, I’d read the signs quite well and not bother questioning them.

But this isHarper.

“What’s going on?” I want to lean in closer, but I don’t. I need Harper to know whatever she says is okay with me. It’ssafewith me.

Even if it breaks my heart.

Lifting my head, I look out at the Boulevard flanked by the boardwalk across from us and the dark ocean beyond that. I stand, holding a hand out for her.

“Take a walk with me.”

Harper stares at my hand, like she’s weighing the pros and cons, uncertainty written across her face. A few seconds tick by, each one making me grow more frustrated. We’re too close now for this kind of awkwardness. I’m too damn old to play hot and cold games.

And yet, here I am like some lovesick kid feeling better when she slips her hand into mine. But the elation doesn’t last long because her grip on me is relatively nonexistent, like she’s okay with me holding on to her, but not trusting herself to hold onto me.

My heart tightens in my chest painfully because it doesn’t work that way. We have to hold onto each other.

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