Page 120 of Tides That Bind

“If something happened to you,” I begin. “What would you want for my sister?”

There’s a long stretch of uncomfortable silence before Finn responds, “I’d want her to be happy.”

“But who would you want her to be happy with?”

Finn shakes his head in confusion.

“Would Nate forgive me,” I start to ask before I have to stop, to gather the strength to push out the question. “For falling in love with Harper?”

The way Finn’s eyes widen with surprise makes me curse under my breath and I begin to turn my board toward shore.

“Wait, wait. I didn’t mean…I had a feeling something was going on, but love is a big word, Riley.”

That’s the funny thing about words. The smallest ones often have the biggest meanings.

“Would he? Because he asked me to take care of them. And I don’t think he meant all the shit I’ve got going on in here.” I tap my chest.

Finn cocks his tongue against his cheek, shaking his head. “I don’t like thinking about this stuff, Riley.”

“Alright, I know it’s all sorts of fucked up to ask you to—"

“You think?”

“Finn,” I groan. “I’ve never been married. I’ve never…I never planned to have anything close to a family so I don’t know whatI’ddo. That’s why I need you to tell me what you’d do. If something happened to you, who would you—”

“When I say I’d want her to be happy,” Finn admits. “I mean I wouldn’t want her to be alone.”

I purse my lips together, the tiniest salt crystals chafing the skin. “Andwhowould you want to make her happy?”

It’s a gentle way of asking,who would you want her to be with?

“I guess,” Finn begins with a sigh. “I’d want her to be cared for and loved by the best person I know.”

You’re the best man I know, Riley.

“I loved Nate. But you knew him for a lifetime. You’reprobably the one who can answer that question for him, not me. Him dying was a blow to all of us. But, none of us lost him the way you and Harper did.”

“Except Lucas.”

Finn nods. “Exactly. I don’t think it’s weird that Nate’s death brought you and Harper closer.” He holds a hand up when I go to interrupt him. “But there’s a kid involved who looks at you like you’re Superman. You hurt his mother, you’re going to make that kid lose out big time.Again.So whatever you’re planning to do or have already done, you’ve got to handle it carefully, man.”

I look down at my hands, at the hands that were the first to hold Lucas because his father couldn’t be there. I’ve handled him with care all his life. And even though my handslookdifferent, even though they feel different, even though one isbroken, I know I’m capable of continuing to hold him—and Harper—with care.

Raising my head, I scan the shore, looking for Harper’s footsteps in the sand. What I want her to know is even thoughwe’rebroken individually, I know with every fiber in my being we can make each other whole again.

I dig my hands into my pockets and lean against my Jeep parked across from Ship-Slapped. Behind me, the ocean roars, the breeze rolling over the sand, across the boardwalk, coating the back of my neck in goosebumps. I’m not cold, but I am frozen in place.

Ship-Slapped used to be my home away from home. I once knew the bartender and waitress rotation, which high-top table needed a napkin stuck under a foot to keep it from wobbling. After too much tequila, this was where Finn and I decided to open The Shack with money we won betting on turtle races down in Tijuana.

This was where Nate and I were heading the night of the accident.

A soft knot begins to wind in my stomach, and I want to go home, back to my small apartment where I just came from, or to Harper’s dining room with my piles of books. I nod to myself. I should be there, reading, preparing, doingsomething. It’s safe there. Harper on the couch, that knit blanket draped over her legs as she sits with her knees pulled up, every now and then pushing a piece of blonde hair that has fallen in her face behind her ear.

But it was Harper who orchestrated this, along with my sister, apparently. I see them walk along the sidewalk, their bodies a mix of solids and shadows before they make their way up the stairs and inside the bar.

I take an immediate step forward, like my body is trying to tell me something.

Go to her.

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