Page 81 of My Pucked Up Enemy

"So why can’t you offer yourself the same grace?"

"Because I’m not a rookie. I don’t get passes."

"He's not a rookie either. You gethuman."

That shuts me up.

She sets the clipboard down and walks over, crouching next to me like she did that first session when I tried to pretend I didn’t need any of this. Her voice softens.

"You hold yourself to a higher standard. That’s part of what makes you great. But that voice in your head—the one that says you can’t make a mistake, that if you mess up you’re worthless—that’s not discipline. That’s fear. It’s also self-sabotage. You’re punishing yourself for being human, and pretending that perfection is the price of value. It’s not."

"It feels that way."

"Doesn’t mean it’s true."

I stare at her. The gold flecks in her eyes. The way her mouth curves when she’s saying something kind and doesn’t want me to notice.

"You always do that."

"Do what?"

"Pull me back."

Her breath catches.

I lean in a little. "Like you’ve got some secret reset button on me."

"Maybe I do," she says, voice barely above a whisper.

We’re too close. We both know it.

"Nina—"

She puts a hand on my chest, not pushing, just steady. Her palm is warm. Her fingers tremble.

"Don’t," she says. "Please."

I stop. Inches from her lips. The moment suspended.

"I wasn’t going to push," I murmur.

"I know. That’s what makes it worse."

I sit back, the space between us feeling like a canyon.

She stands, turning away to collect herself.

"This is hard for me too, Alex. Don’t think for a second I don’t feel it. But we made a deal. And I need you to trust me to keep it."

I nod, swallowing the ache in my throat. "I trust you. I just…"

She turns back, eyes soft. "I know."

There’s a long beat of silence. Then she exhales.

"Okay. Let’s work on your mental reset routine. Because that’s something youcancontrol."

We go through a breathing pattern, some other cognitive reframing exercises and then another visualization. I close my eyes. I picture the save. I rewind the play. I reframe the narrative. Her voice guides me, steady and sure.

---