Page 14 of Gua rdian of Blood and Shadow

My cheeks burned hotter than the water as I thought of them all knowing about my time with the guys. I had been their plaything—by necessity, if not by desire—until Wes stepped in and put an end to the sharing. That was what really bothered me—that Javier and the others now knew about the choice I had made, how I had debased myself to survive. But I had been little more than a child, and I had been alone, and suddenly these boys were there and wanted to take care of me.

So long as I took care of them in return.

Looking back, it was almost like my queen instincts had kicked in, and I had gathered the only harem I could, however useless human men were to my actual needs. Was it possible—hadIinstigated the arrangement? Had I wanted them to take and take andtakeuntil my innocence lay shredded on the ground? Had I wanted to be punished? Had I desired penance for surviving when so many others had not?

My gut twisted into knots, turning my stomach. I pushed away the rancid memories, the insidious thoughts. Except, when Wes had offered me a way out, I had felt like I was being rescued. Like suddenly there was a light where there had only been darkness before. I hadn’t wanted it. I hadn’t wantedthem—none except for Wes.

I swallowed, tasting bile. “Bas shouldn’t have told you about that.”

“I disagree,” Javier said, matter-of-factly. “I’ve told you before, but I’ll tell you again—you chose well when you bound the shifter to you. He can anticipate your needs better than you can yourself. He knew you would need us to understand your past, and also that you would be hesitant to tell us of all you had been through. So, he did it for you.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I rolled my eyes and huffed out a breath. Javier waskind ofright. Knowing he and the others already knew about the dark times, that I wouldn’t have to tell them, lifted some of the weight off my shoulders.

“Tell me about the Shadow King,” I said, purposely changing the subject. It was done. They knew. I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I watched Javier linger at the tub’s edge a few seconds longer, sensing hints of his indecision, but then he sighed and leaned back against the wall.

“A very long time ago,” he began, “before the Houses of the Moon or the Sun or the Stars had been established and the only people who inhabited the earth were humans, there was a great war between the realms of darkness and of light. The Shadow King ripped a hole in the barrier between the realms, and his army poured through. Everything they touched withered and died, consumed by their boundless darkness.”

My irritation faded as I became engrossed in the story, and my arms relaxed.

“Gods fell, transformed into ghastly shadow versions of themselves, and served the Shadow King. The light gradually faded, and the war neared its end. Selene, Helios, and Eos were all that remained to defend the light, but they were not enough. So they planted seeds of their power within select humans. They nurtured their chosen and watched their powers grow until the balance in the war shifted, and the light pushed back against the darkness. In time, Selene, Helios, and Eos were able to drive the Shadow King back into his dark realm and seal the rift between worlds.”

The story felt familiar, and a vivid scene flashed through my memory: my mom sitting with me on my bed, Amaya snuggled in on her other side. Had she told us this story?

“Selene, Helios, and Eos retreated to the heavens, leaving their chosen to rule over themselves,” Javier went on. “Thus, the House of the Moon, the House of the Sun, and the House of the Stars were created as a way to contain and control the incredible powers the gods had granted to us. And for a while, there was peace in the realm of the light.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “So they just shot us up with magical steroids and abandoned us?” I said. “No wonder war broke out between the immortal races.”

“Indeed,” Javier said, his tone telling me he shared my sardonic view of the divine. “And now, with all the Houses at their weakest as this war between Sun and Moon drags out, we face the threat of another invasion from the realm of darkness. I can’t help but wonder if the gods will even care, or if they have truly abandoned us.”

I licked my lips, a shiver cascading down my spine. Only this time it had nothing to do with being cold.

“Except, Selene hasn’t abandoned me,” I said, thinking back to the vision. If my mom had been right about the source of the magical chill, it had come from the goddess.

Javier’s stare locked on me. “No, I don’t believe she has.” The corners of his mouth tensed, hinting at a wry smile. “Which means there may be some hope for the light, yet.”

9

IwalkedalongsideJavierthroughthe winding corridors of the Moon Sanctuary, our footsteps echoing in the hushed silence. Though he was right there by my side, close enough to touch, he felt like he was a thousand miles away.

I studied him out of the corner of my eye. His jaw was tight, his gaze fixed straight ahead. Through our bond, I felt a maelstrom of emotions swirling within him—anger, sorrow, guilt, and a fierce, burning protectiveness that brought tears to my eyes.

During the two decades we had been apart, I had clung to the hope that he was still alive. I supposed that, despite my powers being subdued by his blood tincture, some intuitive part of me had still sensed the bond we shared. We had been connected all along, and our hearts could never truly be separated.

Just like with Gavin. If I closed my eyes and thought of him, the sense of connection between us deepened. I could almost see his cell walls, smell the dank air, the filth of unwashed bodies. I could almost feel the ache in his limbs. The hunger. They hadn’t yet let him feed from the queens, despite letting each of the queens take some of his blood. I couldn’t explain how I knew that; I just knew.

Did the connection go both ways? Was he equally aware of me and my surroundings? I glanced sidelong at Javier. Had he been aware of what I was going through while we were apart all those years? Was he more familiar with what I went through right after he was captured than he let on? I had assumed he only knew as much as Bastian and that he had only learned of my past when Bas shared it with the class. But what if Javier had always known? What if he knewmorethan Bastian? What if our bond had afforded him a front-row seat to the most humiliating moments of my life?

We came to a stop outside the door to a suite. Micah’s, I assumed. Not my old suite or Amaya’s, thank the gods. I wasn’t sure I could handle ever stepping foot in either of those spaces again.

I faced Javier, questions caught in my throat. I wanted to know what was going through his head, what thoughts were making him feel so unsettled, and yet I feared the truth.

His eyes met mine and the violence in his gaze was answer enough. In that moment, I saw the deadly predator that lurked beneath his polished exterior.

I reached for him, grazing my fingertips along his clenched jaw. “Can we just pretend it never happened?” I asked, smiling weakly. That had beenmygo-to coping mechanism for a very long time. Why stop now? “The past is the past. All we can do is move forward.”

Javier raised his hands and rested them on my shoulders, his thumbs caressing the column of my neck. His expression softened as his gaze roved over my features, finally settling on my eyes. “I am astounded by your strength.” He bowed his head, leaning in until his breath caressed my lips when he spoke. His eyes locked with mine. “But I am weak, and you must allow me my revenge.”

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